New York City was head.
yeah city baby I’m glad to be here glad to be home shit my man jazzy jeff much love man I appreciate you Neil glad we got an eclectic crowd there’s a lot of black people here I want to thank you white people for coming you show that you still know your place this also became with that kind of confidence is that your man okay you looking at me like you did the rent collector no nigga I ain’t nervous you a big I thought wait down you got to make a choice so is this your first Negro my first Negro no drive home did she told me I was special yes you everybody have great sex y’all roleplay over you ever play escaped slave in the masses wife this shit’s buggy but how we happen to go get back to work you own the clock you got a white girl you gotta dress up like OJ Halloween behind a closet with a butcher knife scared let me say something when y’all have sex cuz you got a role play it’s fun you know I’m saying like Calvin Klein black women don’t get me wrong I love you all but certain shit can’t do Cho you don’t have too many rules and regulations just said nigga don’t touch my hand oh my yeah I just got my shit dead nigga you dog sale you gotta keep his hands behind his back and shit do you feel the urge to grab your shit it might come off like oh shit we gotta have a chin strap on you got to keep a have fun with that like noticed I got a pretty asian girl sitting in the crown how you doing sweetie are you all right yes with you bitch I’m looking at you yes just saying yes you mother how you doing sweetheart I love Asian women see I could have fun with you if using my girl we could roleplay you know I come home one day and a soldiers outfit like I’m an American soldier here to slay some bush I nationality babe your Filipino funky to work better for the Tokyo theater me so you came to me like I’m an American soldier here to slay some Vietnamese ass and I can’t see you somewhere in the house hit me but you got like a potato sack on one for a shirt little dirt and mud on your face I just hear you yell from a distance you go home black man it’s not you war patties that would be awesome don’t get embarrassed is real shit I don’t want none of the white people to get uncomfortable because I do like to talk about the race issue cuz a lot of y’all try to act like this shit ain’t relevant no more like its race still relevant in America look at some of the white people racism all be the relevant America Therese is one she’s too much bad history and you can’t erase that much bad history and to I just think is natural for everybody to be a little bit racist I’m – what color you are what your gender is how old you we are all a little bit racist and white people y’all are the first ones to denounce it I’m not racist I’m incapable of being racism my Happy Birthday best friend is black he’s also my chauffeur but he’s my Birthday Wishes best friend everybody in this country is a little racist you might not be smacking taco out of Mexican hand races but we are all y’all and it’s way funnier than that is gonna pop out of nowhere like what the special sour cream for you is hilarious and I live in LA I love the Mexicans I do cuz of Mexicans my lawn looks fabulous got a little bit of money I live in a white neighborhood they be out there cutting my grass they all sound like Speedy Gonzales it’s hot outside me and my compositors was wondering if we had some agua I’m like no but I can give you some advice hung your way through it that’s how we got back there this turn you can’t just hop over a fence and expect the same race you got to earn your turn look at some of the white people oh my god he said it I’ve been feelin this black man thank you and I know that’s the big deal in this country illegal immigration white people you guys get bent out of shape over this shit I hear you complain Mexicans they’re coming here taking their jobs some of them have criminal records we’re not safe we don’t know who’s among us you let me remind all the white people while you steady being man into Mexicans technically you guys would first illegal immigrants cousin you came to this country belong to the Indians and we know how that shit turned out look how quiet a guy did you feel the tension all of a sudden they’re like nigger I can’t believe you would say that we’re just starting to like you how could you betray a trust listen I’ll give a if you come to this country legally or illegally because at the end of the day we’re all foreigners to some extent my only issue is if you gonna come to this country I got one rule learn how to speak English please you’ve got to learn the language because there is nothing more frustrating than me being at Popeye’s Chicken arguing with Jorge about what the I ordered and I’m trying to catch the second half of the game I gots happening shit you ever talk to somebody that don’t know how to speak English they always got a look and a sound coming out of a face like they in the middle of taking a shit is hilarious excuse me you know what I was being a brother I was a Popeye’s Chicken around the playoffs for basketball and I’m arguing with this bout my order he didn’t understand me I didn’t understand him shit was terrible I was like dog let me get a two Burger King piece chicken dinner he tried to repeat the shit back to me you wanted to be Yuki she won’t be spicy or denial I said what he said be spicy or denial I said what do you know put mayonnaise on chicken why would I put mayonnaise on chicken I’m a hot sauce nigger my daddy was a hot sauce nigga he said no be mild for the flavor I said what the is bleeding he kept looking at the menu like it was family feud in a pop-up on the board I’m gonna tell you to do be chicken with these damn I said let me get a two Nugget Meal piece George Likes chicken spicy he said she wanted DC I said yes I’m busy I don’t have time for this shit I’m trying to catch the game Kobe’s on nigga come on you say no biscuit he said see Steve is gonna tell you what the do bgv despise you the map better get over you I’m gonna eat by Eva so let me get a two Meal Price piece Kung Pao chicken spicy with a biscuit you say now you have to pick up your sides I said I’m not playing with my paints a Popeye’s I’m not doing that when I pull my dick out jack off near the crunchy I’m not doing it he said no you get to spy order I said what kind of side got you see we have a day we have a day because we have the but we have a day where happened a yeah Caronia nice well happen oh yeah all day no I said it let me go with the yeah she’s potato she wants something two three I said what do you have to drink we have a day well how about the sodas and the uses but I’m curious about to uses the is use the Apple use avenues grant throwed you listen the point is we have to demand more from our illegals I’m Star Comedy aries spears and I approve this message we have to demand more it’s unacceptable what do thing is you don’t even realize how racists America isn’t so after you leave I got did a show not too long ago in Edmonton Canada there was no racist vibe in Edmonton well first of all you know niggas out there saying about to be man it but I must have walked around that for days looking for a black person finally I saw one I ain’t even know the I just ran up to him and hugged I’m like nigga where you been we need to stick together he was offended he was like dude get your hands off of me bro it’s like totally absurd I was like shit economy it’s too late I couldn’t save him I had Yeezy 500 white kids looking at me like I was an exotic animal it was like mom look at him he’s so chocolatey I want one he kept trying to pour milk on me I was like any go change colors to off me and I see some of the wavy y’all getting uncomfortable don’t get our come to me I love white people man y’all my people – it’s just search it I can’t do what you like go drinking every time I do a show front a white people have to show you always want to hang out and buy me a drink I can’t drink with y’all it’s not that I don’t want to it’s just I can’t hang you motherfuckers are the undisputed champs at drinking y’all drink to your fault – out and I know when y’all get good and drunk possess that noise yo make way don’t do that that’s scared black folks there’s a lot of bad history behind that noise we hear well we start looking out for pickup trucks where the they see this were like with Earl he played too much I’m serious a party in a part of y’all to the cops show black people y’all know we see the police party oh wait we all have a freedom we just don’t have y’all see the police y’all get braver dude what’s your badge number and your name suck shit no you shut the up and move along Aires why are you crying relax my dad I swear to God black people we be in the back doing sign language it’s any black people that hang out with white people in a group make sure y’all go out drinking in a group go with them when they Starbucks App order drinks cause y’all like to anoint somebody to designate a drink order any time I hang out with my white friends when they get it from the table and go to the bar to get around how follow right behind ass cause y’all like to go Theatre Pre order drinks and then bring it back to us like it’s a top CIA secret soon as you hand me the drink or go man what the is in this dude worry don’t ask just children 20 minutes later i’m but- with a cowboy hat I love you Brad hey just for fun let’s go hang some niggas ain’t so we still excited about Barack Obama every black person in here should be clapping cuz we got to ride that nigga to the wheels fall off you know that shit don’t work the minute we go to work Langston Hughes white folks is looking at us like hmm you picked him I can’t wait till he runs for his second term man that was the most exciting part about the political process to me was the campaign because you knew at some point he was supposed to win he had all the right ingredients that came together at the right time he’s tall good-looking articulate highly intelligent you know smooth under pressure charismatic and most importantly he was the right shade he made white people feel comfortable cuz ya’ll know if that nigga was Bernie Mac black or precious purple he wouldn’t he’s like coffee with cream he goes down easy you have coffee black is too strong you like America is not ready for Luby not ready yet and he had 97 percent of the black vote 97 percent which means he had black people on line we were like a hand in a glove we were tied together but he still couldn’t become president without white people so for the white people that voted for him I thank because you helped make history but some of y’all are starting to get a little impatient and your racism is seeping out a little bit say shit when you’re I thought you Snickers are fast what’s taking so long took eight years this country up it’s gonna take a second to get it together relax you got a lot of tough shit you got to deal with man like the big controversy right now they talk about that mosque there September 11 a lot of people upset about that you know September 11 just rolled around every year we got to relive that bullshit but there was a bright side man you know September 11 blacks and whites came together like never before because after September 11 Arabs took all the pressure off us I’m telling you they are the new niggas it’s amazing I get on a plane now white people y’all be happy to see us dude broke you man here’s the next to me man right here hold my daughter I love your nigga come here we gotta watch out for those we bonded down this good that shit just affected people differently like when the anthrax thing happened white people y’all was very yeah will come up to me work and warn me oh my god so white people give a nigga traumatic Ares be careful to open your mail say some black people who’s never worried about anthrax we don’t open up mail no way we think that shit as a bill we might hold it to the light like no us to read books you want to get us with anthrax put that shit in a jay-z CD that’s how you get up I Osama got me track 12 nigga be careful checked about I’m originally from here but I live in LA and I was in LA when that whole thing went down it’s crazy because my people from back east called me said man turn on TV plane was taking over Los Angeles hostage situation and I’ve seen the movies so when I heard High School hostage situation I’m thinking big-ass guns and bombs azuz he said homemade knives do you know what a homemade knife yeah it’s a prison weapon we invented that shit so I know it could have been a Plane full of a bunch of ignorant niggas that would have been a different phone call Osama with a change will take over the plane soon as we pull our knife all the niggas saying oh no you didn’t I got to go ahead brothers would call air traffic control like yeah this is how wrong they try to get us with knives but where the manual at I got to land this I gotta get back to Brooklyn I got shit to do and I get tired of them with me at the airport well I gotta be the one randomly selected I have my shit searched I’m gonna get man for white people when they search all shit cuz again I know it’s gonna sound a little bit racist but let’s be real black white people Asians Latinos we not known for blowing shit up black people we have specific crimes we do shit like rob a 7-eleven and kill everybody in that for four dollars and 80 cents a bag of Doritos and a pack of Newports that’s niggas shit you wanna save somebody search that who named sound like a pubic hair caught in your esophagus and leave me the alone I’m not trying to blow shit up I’m trying to smoke a joint play xbox to rub one out that’s the up trying to do let’s trust me when I explode this is the bomb right yeah walk around house terrorizes shit i’ma blow up two puppy racism shit is affecting every aspect of life even my business the movie business I guess certain movie roles black people we just don’t get a lot of like I’ve noticed since the late 90s Top 10 horror movies made a hell of a comeback white people y’all get all the horror flicks y’all get to chuck in I know about last week and all that shit it’s fantasy how can we all see black people in Top 100 horror movies and I put it together you can’t make Top 20 horror movies with us cuz it ain’t gonna be a movie it’s gonna be a commercial white people y’all know we don’t around we’ve been havin a party in the woods jammin hungry how loud the music is how much fun we have it if we use some shit that don’t sound right it’ll cut through all that we’d be out there dancing like whoo I don’t know nigga but we gotta pack it up Rover sit down white people y’all will be out here dude yo dance like two-year-old black babies y’all let’s go check it out and what do white women fall when y’all run what’s this shit about every time oh my god White Man black woman here’s some she’s sitting with the boobs put on Air Jordans she might start out running but that bitch is gonna turn into NASCAR like white guys are faithful your ladies for y’all Short Hairstyles black women we love you but if you fall it we might try and come back to you like that bitch go goddamn that was some good pussy to ladies work on your timing that’s all I’m saying you know real Strong Independent black woman be waiting for you at the car file our fingernails nigga we’re with you come on so I come out I’m actually on a mission I don’t even think comedy is my calling in life I think I’m meant for something greater like I had a vision the other night it came to me I think my mission in life is to help white people like really I want to feel comfortable enough to walk in your house unannounced at 3 o’clock in the morning just wake you up and go come with me my comics we don’t do shit and we on the road except stay in a hotel room and watch TV and I’m flipping through some of the stations and I’m watching these programs like Oprah fell and I’m saying some of y’all’s kids is out of control I really want to ask my people I’ve always been curious why don’t y’all just beat your kids man Batum whupped a motherfucking ass bitch yo get y’all kids all kind of timeouts and special places the book is a special place to a black child that’s a coma what is this special my kids don’t know shit bout time out we nobody getting knocked the out that’s it my mother used to slap the shit out of me in public and I would look at people for help but shut up white people felt my pain black people see black kids get hit we be like hey get your shit together black people will beat other people’s kids if they it up too bad like this you need to flip this ugly look again here’s my website evening home address call me I’ll him up in a tab need you ain’t got to kill him just watch him turn red you know what I found out growing up totally shocked 500 Bone white kids are just as shocked to find out black kids don’t talk back to their parents as aren’t we haven’t talked back to this they just have a little buddy will come over my house on the weekends alone eight we be in my room playing video games normally just come in the room on us cuss me out for no reason just scare the shit out of both we’d be in the room playing Mario Brothers she come kick open the door like SWAT we’d be on level four how many times I told you to clean this motherfucking room cut that goddamn game off the clean his room I come back this motherfucking room ain’t clean I’m gonna take that Nintendo cord wrap it around your neck and stick it in your ass the guy ain’t plan but you to say no threat this is a promise try me she can’t do that man this is your space she’s violating your right to privacy you should say something you want me to go say something I’d be so scared I saw talking to him like a slave from Russa you just gonna get me in trouble I like you Nate I really do give us a bit food that gives me sleep you keep away from my hit with that foolishness go get from him I’m gonna smack the shit out the white boy he turned into me weird my mother was a champ at whooping ass two men she had a gold belt and everything I remember one time I sold a bike and she had to leave her job to get me out of jail you know he grew up in a single-parent household with a Madea Diary black woman she got to leave work to get you out knew I was going to that special I knew the hands movement was serious cuz when we got home she took her work clothes off and put on a jogging suit and headband like what kind of looking is that you prepared to sweat she had a stopwatch and a bottle of Gatorade with the belt I said at some point this bitch is fitting to refuel I think my mother took special joy out of me up tubing she came up with unconventional methods of whooping ass shit that I knew far exceeded normal and necessary I remember one time she woke me up on my sleep at 3 o’clock in the morning you know you’ve been walking about to sleep you know and that light you hit take you a second to get your shit together you just come Bob you later and I’m 80 she came and kicked the side of the bed nigga get the up you don’t know forgot about this shit you get earlier you gonna get suspended from that private school where I make all that money and work to hard jobs and you can get suspended about telling the teacher to suck your dick here put this on and she threw some boxing headgear at me you know that leather helmet boxers be wearing for practice fights I’m like mine when I’m putting on boxer headgeared hit you a head with a pipe and I don’t want to kill you don’t shoot my baby I love you has always been envious of relationship the white parents have with your kids man you guys actually have a democracy in your household you actually care about your kids opinions which is why you don’t understand why they run rampant over you at the same time I grew up with a lot of white kids I’d hear their parents complain of mine it was always the same argument I don’t understand how my child to agree this way such disrespect I don’t know what to do I’m at my wit’s end Prime Minister lot of you guys put your kids on the same level as you consider them your contemporaries how you put somebody on the same level as they can’t pay the rent or the mortgage put food in the refrigerator or keep the lights on they’re not your contemporaries they’re your kids moral of the story beat they motherfucking ass something about pain and make some other listen like I just saw this show the nanny I could not believe this should exist y’all have flown in English bitching to tell you how to deal with your kids and she always has some profound shit to say you must ignore the child’s behavior but not the child to out of here they should redo that show call it the nigga nanny it’d be three minutes long she showed to the door boom with him I forgot pow show over theme song nigga nanny that’s it y’all go pee some white people driving I was thinking that shit roll the windows up I’m in the mood why don’t we that y’all cops I was a test real weed smokers on y’all out we got codes I like to smoke away your school gossip other way they make you think about city normally wouldn’t think about I got sitting around a house so they Snoop Dogg smoke weed and I got to thinking is it possible for a male midget I gotta be happy thing about midget says it possible for a male midget to have a real big dick like I ain’t no gay shit but everything on a midget be tiny you ever see their fingers orange baby carrots you see I could have midget actually have some shit like this and I actually know famous midget people like I’m good friends with low website I got his number my cell phone I don’t know why but I got the shit I was hanging out with the whips at one time and he told me some shit that blew my mind he says when he has sex he don’t like women his size he liked to normal-sized women and I sitting around house smoking weed I got it Lou Webster was a groan sighs woman doggystyle does he actually standing up into bed like you get a woman on all fours on a mattress yo FIFA is he standing straight up in the mat like if you walked in on some shit like that your instinct would be to leave but second would you walk in like oh shit I’m sorry look at this is crazy no he’s standing over like a shoebox I can’t believe this I don’t think we value midgets enough I think we take them for granted cuz I don’t give a how bad your day is you see a midget you perk up cuz when you leave your house you’re not guaranteed to have a midget sighting you’re not guaranteed how often do you leave your house and spot a midget it’s rare you could be having the worst day in the world you see a midget you like oh and when there is a midget sighting it’s always one you’ve never seen a pack of midgets you’ve never seen that 15 midgets walking down the street I had a taste for hot wings all of a sudden they like the little drum at peace they like the smaller I’m about told that joke one time it was an actual midget in the crowd he got pissed off he said some shit my whole night up he was like nigga watch your nuts was I gotta had to watch my back a few times but I have never had to watch my nuts I was scared I went straight on my girl was like I don’t use with your boys I said nigga told me watch my nuts I’m serious I filed a police report and everything like he bought this high he had on ice Kosh B’gosh and a little propeller hat the nipped me on the wrist like said I don’t drink with white people and I don’t First Time smoke weed with Asians getting that got anything against Asian people she shall up my high man you know when you Everyday Remix smoke weed the point is to be in a happy place not supposed to be think about traumatic shit every time I Wisdom Teeth smoke weed with my Asian friends I’ll be thinking the motherfuckers are dead you know when you smoke your eyes close a little bit and they 3/4 of the way there that should be confusing happy three hit cinema today like nigga up I’m just high so I will do like this every five all right you Everyday Dubstep smoke weed and watch National Geographic cuz I like the nature Channel like I’m gonna go to Africa one day going to Safari see the animals are they natural habitat but the difference between us and y’all we stay in the truck why y’all got some shit call up close and personal is this bathing suit that’s what black people we just know certain shit like white people that’s why I study our m/v AR ndse y’all know a race y’all do whatever the you don’t want to do know y’all are free the only race of people that could look at a wild lion and go I can be friends with dead that’s why y’all are always on when animals attack you will never see black people on when animals attack you might see us on when cops attack but she would never see us y’all will do shit like tranquilize a lion and hold that till he wake up and that be heavy shit do y’all be in the camera well we’ve been tracking this particular piece for quite some time her name is Atul oh she’s six month old which is shot up with five cc’s of Tex record early in darts but she gets up she’s gonna be pissed oh my god Bob do you for your heart pounding this is amazing oh my god she’s getting a boy she mauled me what an the Africans don’t be out there with the Lions they asked them it’s um a tomb but why you don’t play with a lion I’m not picking with that booty fucker him and you yes it is not in the brochure I’m not doing that shit when my shift is over I want to go home to my children Hulu moon gala and with that you better come I will leave you in the car it’s rules ain’t no African people here is it are you African dog my bad I want to piss you off in you know what’s up African people.
Don’t like black people I know they treat us like shit they talk down to us think they better than us and I don’t understand cuz we from the same tribe kind of but they like white people donate reach I like family so y’all come around they get excited excuse me mr. white man thank you for bringing us yeah we love you yeah the white man soon as they see us taking attitude hey how you doing this is the guy we don’t like the black man in America but a fucker you don’t work you don’t do shit I like who are you calling black I’m burn you midnight like nigga if you stood up against the building you’d look like an alley African men don’t understand why when they come America to have a hard time getting American pussy you can’t be that aggressive with American women especially Cowboy Boots black women you got to know how to talk you got to come correct mama does in Africa is used to having a way they got 15 wives shit and African women are very obedient tell they wouldn’t what to do it’s not even issue bitch when to come home you don’t know why do you better clean this shit from the floor I don’t maybe in the clubs talking women out here you can’t even see him maybe black as my jacket just see the yellow where they ask from looking like Congo in the bush soon as you go buy your drink they jump out the shadows and scare the shit out you bitch what is your name come don’t run from me you’re going to be my wife I think that’s the key to racism mode you got to be willing to invest in other people’s cultures the end of the day I’m good what color you are everybody got something bring to the table and life is short man say my shit you don’t know what you might be missing why deprive yourself of a great human experience because you man it’s ridiculous so I appreciated the coach I appreciate a good accent you got the right accent you can get away with a lot of shit you be in the club and say something foul to a woman in American accent she might slap the shit out of you I excuse me baby I’ll mean to bother but you got a feta I’d love to take you home the shit out you English accent that just roll off the tongue different excuse me that meets above you but I really love to tell you about Simone said it you don’t be stuffing a little bit you know man where you from say something else ladies are laughing some of the fellas might try that on the way home have a good some of the comedy shows tonight is it really that makes light cause he give me a little bit ahead just a little bit I thought one must want you to polish me know of you know I make ain’t even allowed use this because I walk up to a woman and see anything excuse me you know what time it is I just make shit up McDonald’s England have you ever heard of it I live right over egg McMuffin Lane have you ever had I’ll tell you what accent is not sexy is.
That East Indian accent that’s 7-eleven shit that turban shit that got towel ladies trust me you do not want that on top of you on a Live Cast saturday night give it to you I know wanted you dirty bitch and I advantage I’m going to give you my Pakistani beef you say my name say Pumas Thomas Angie what’s my drawers sorry Paul Masson see I’m just not feeling me cuz it’s hard to ask a woman for certain sexual favors ladies I have advantages you don’t want a man to do some nasty y’all got all kind of cute little sayings and shit yo could you please go downtown how do you ask a woman to gargle your nuts can you guard my nuts put them in your mouth and good it’s not sexy I didn’t see my first Indian till I was 15 years old look me up I didn’t know what to make up it’s like what the are you like I grew up around black people and white people I knew what that was I saw any in us like are you got niggas skin with white people hair the are you can’t call them black there’s dark is us but they get offended hey brother how you doing I’m not a brother don’t call me you I am not you I talk all that shit see you pull a gun out to rob them and all of a sudden we be saying give me your money brother don’t do this we are the same please your chocolate and peanut butter with a Reese’s Pieces come together we are the same it’s what I love about coming back to New York is the culture man like Italians we have any Italians in here any ties are telling you baby I love Italians right you don’t love about Italian people who make up certain words and phrases that only they know what it means I’ve never heard an Italian person say this phrase half a fag what the does that mean oh you could be around an Italian person and say some normal shit like man you know what usually on the weekends me and my girl go out clubbing this shit but we decided to stay in this weekend and make it a blockbuster night so we rented this movie Steel Magnolias now I know it’s a chick flick but I’m gonna be honest towards an actually choked up cried a little bit oh nothing you sell like half a fake the does that mean even when they explain it to you the meaning makes less sense than the term but what does that mean I don’t know you meet a guy in a bar you throw back a couple of drinks next thing know you take them to the bedroom you pull down your trousers you pull out your you shove that foot down and Stroke somewhere in the process she go whoa you seen for me half a fig it makes no sense and young brothers kill me cause we love Italian culture man like the rapper’s shit that was named themselves after old-school mobsters and shit which is kind of stupid to me because you know old-school Italians hate black people they call us all kind of moon Leone’s niggas and shit but the funny thing is like old-school Italians are funny because anytime you hang around them they will say the most racist shit in front of you and long as they ended with no offense it’s okay like I remember one time I want to go visit a friend of mine in a bar in Brooklyn Italian neighborhood I walked in the bar right away – dude knew who I was whoa there he is guy from MADtv every space hey my friend let me tell you me and my kids we watch you every Live Youtube saturday night you’re the best you’re the best bartender for my friend a let me get people you like the Hennessy I know them cuz I wanted a Hennessy I didn’t understand us so he gives me the drink and he starts telling this story to his boys it’s the most racist shit ever Tommy Mikey you hear my Richie here guys in jail doing Abed killed his wife caught a Amole on could you believe that I mean let’s be honest between you and me we always knew Jeannie had a thing for the pepper but I actually Egwene can you imagine that you kiss your wife goodbye you get in your car you drive away you’re two three blocks from your house you realize whoa forgot my glasses you turn the car around you go back into the house you kick open the bedroom door this she is giving you a bra jewel from Curious George but let’s look at the bright side at least it’s wetting our wives can you imagine your wife a razor net ah my don’t god forbid hey Ares no offense so old racist shit I don’t know man crazy they do make great movies though I like all those Italian mobster movies and shit you know like I’m really trying to make it in Hollywood like I want to be a movie star that’s my dream but I’m finding out Hollywood it’s not what you think is about people move out to LA thinking this shit is about talent shit is not about talent it’s about sex appeal it’s part of my game I got to work on being shaped to be a movie star man you know my problem is I like cupcakes too much I’m serious sometimes on a Justin Timberlake saturday night if I got a choice between some pussy and a sometimes cupcake win it’s kind of like Mozy if you think about it stretch if you heat it up in the microwave for 15 seconds it’s all warm on the inside creamy in the middle and when over it’s much easy to watch that smell off you think I’m trying to tell you all funny to me I don’t give a funny to me it’s hard to make it in Hollywood to me because the rules are different you know Hollywood you got it you got to be humble no matter what color you are but if you’re black and you really gotta be humble you know because sometimes it don’t matter how good you remember I had lunch with Chris Rock one time he gave me the best advice he was like look man all I can tell you is one keep writing and to try not to piss these Hey Baby white folks off cuz that shit is true it don’t matter how good you are if you’re angry have you the angry black man they don’t with you case in point Paul Mooney some motherfuckers a legend everybody y’all know Paul Mooney this is nigga wrote for Richard Bryan Eddie Murphy you’re a bad mother when you write me four other bad motherfuckers the problem would is Paul will tell you he’s a bad he’ll shoot himself in the foot I remember one time I tried to get him to do a job for MADtv I wanted him to be a writer I said you know we already a great show with Paul he’ll take us to the next level Paul are going to the meeting and shoot himself in the foot soon as he walked in the producers was like Paul Ares recommend you highly he thinks you’re great let me ask are you familiar with our show Paul went right into it all of you niggas have stolen material I’ve seen because it meant no homie listen In Living Color Live Skit saturday night you all have stolen my shit first you stole niggas then you stole my material and in case you didn’t know I invented comedy nigga I invented it and then later on I’ll see Paula Gopal how did it homie they’re not gonna have it I’m too real I’m too real they’re scared of me homie I’m too real trust me they love niggas at grin when grin you win all the niggas a great winner look at the Blaine Brady they love that nigga grins that hairdo from the 50s he wears a home he’s a throwback nigga they love him they love him homie it’s true they love gridding niggas what about that other nigga they played basketball for the Lakers then nigga he owns businesses the nigga with AIDS Magic Johnson they love that credit that nigga dreamed his way through a nigga it’s true and you ever seen that nigga’s grin it’s from to Temple that looks like the cat from Alice of you think if you’re not printed they’ll talk about you it scares Weird Af white folks it’s jazzy I remember one time I was on a lot and they said good morning Paul and I didn’t grin I just nodded my head they talked about you why is that nigga not Britney that nigga doesn’t he know where he is that nigga he’d be ready and if you’re in too fast you scare Iceberg Slim white folks I said good morning from a white woman I grin real sense that bitch was scared I said good morning winning nigga it’s true in that nigga we’d love it manses you gotta be humble crazy man like I got a lot of respect for the art man you know like I love all them kind of movies like my favorite movies of them gladiator movies like gladiator with Russell Crowe Troy with Brad Pitt Braveheart I don’t even like it for the action into violence I like it for the dialogue that’s some smooth shit the way they talk in the movies it’s like they got their own language you heard it before milord it’s my lord but that’s how I said milord let it be known that Xerxes is a kind God King any offenses declaration is an alternative to war now let me speak with the nobles or I will engage with my it’s but military the other characters always some pompous arrogant huh me theist please spare me of your banality this is not about war this is about my daughter’s hand in marriage so neither try to seduce me nor bore me with the belligerents of your insolence I’m eating my popcorn like goddamn we got this of niggas are here they don’t even.
Think I said anything wrong like my grandmama got the insolence I guess one of my fantasies like I wanna roleplay like that call my girl up one time be like look baby don’t cook nuttin I’m gonna come home pretend to be a Roman warrior and we’re gonna send our son out to the store so I have some time alone to seduce you and I come in the house talkin this shit wretched is how I feel as I spew these words of hostility from my lips there you are lucky shit the beauty of my seduction how I longed to ravish the concubines of your clavicle but first I must silence these roars it’s them from my belly due to hunger for there’s only fit for a king to dine on the killing of a carcass after a day of duly wages there is son seed my young loin the mirrored me that spawns from the spew of my male mayonnaise I want you to take these medals of currency and go down to the local marketplace and trade them for a feast of yeast in wine now hither away before the third planet from the Sun is played by darkness at a command from the High Lords for you my love only when darkness is among us will I shower you with the fire that burns deep underneath my cloak for only your seduction can force me fall to bended knee and sip the wet spicy nectar which flows from the purr of your kitty cats she’s like huh I’m like bitch I’m trying and keep up I can’t work under these conditions I don’t know man it’s crazy too much I respect the art I get upset when I hear about these actors to get paid twenty million dollars a movie to act and the key word is act but they paid us to do so never come act how do you pay Stallone and Swartz Onegin 20 million dollars a movie they that to the dudes who deserve it like Pacino De Niro Denzel wrong as a actress man because to this day one of my favorite movies of all time is heat with Pacino and De Niro anybody’s ever seen the movie those who I’m talking about took the two greatest actors of all time to put them in a scene together never seen the movie go rent it smoke a joint it’s great you got that scene where they meet for the first time a but she knows sitting there with De Niro he’s bringing shit down you sir her a big yeah I am the police this is my job to stop guys like you murderers rapists killers she’s what I do there may come a time when I pass cross I’m gonna have to take you down I won’t like it but I’ll do it keeps me on my toes where I gotta be the Nero comes back known as a flip side to that coin the friend of mine Jimmy once told me never get attached to anything that you could not walk out on in 15 seconds flat a few spot the heat coming around the corner and I also guys like you don’t guys like me because you keep me hat on my toes when I got a big and you’re right I pants they make cause I’m gonna have to take you down I won’t like it but I was not hesitate great thing the whole look picture the same scene with Stallone.
Look down come on please two years solo she’s gonna freak your woman out during sex make that noise or the out you’ll be hitting from the bed yeah but you don’t worry about me straining up here ladies are the work for too you don’t want to get your man head do that it’ll stop immediately what you making keys or something you didn’t put a handicap sign on my balls I’m good to go I think ignorance to make if you want privacy in a public bathroom people clear that right now sir you all right the way I like to make that noise on the crowded elevator especially if I got department it was just assumed there’s something wrong with me soon as I rip one oh my god smell it down oh my god he’s retarded some of y’all go home tonight and when you come we’re gonna do that it’s gonna be hilarious like gorillas come here down don’t freaking Drive cuz if you get pulled over that’s exactly how you sound sir we’re gonna need backup for any backup and apparently we need a chopper actually meant honest Watson eager man true story I was doing a show in San Jose California and that’s like a five and a half hour drive outside of LA and I stopped at a Chevron and this was on Side Mount pump number seven filling up his age too now I don’t really get starstruck like it this is Ben Van Damme uh Segal I’d have been like whatever this is terminator this is Conan like I grew up on this and I saw him and I was so excited I was like y’all Arnold man I love you shit he and even look at me he was like yeah how are you and I called my boy and I said Oh believe it I was naked cuz on Apple Store pump number seven filling up he was like nigga you’ll and said I swear to God he was like I said nigga and Arnold heard me and I swear he was just like this was like a mating call he knew some of the fellas might remember where I got that remember the scene and predator when he got ready to fight the alien in a covered himself with month he’s like I’m here kill me come on do it funny man women everything do y’all just do it better than us you’re just sexy by Nature you bring class to the game it’s instinct even when masturbate you don’t even call it masturbation you call it getting in touch with yourself y’all know how to do it y’all get you Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass CDs have temperature tub it or tub water be just right rainbow be coming through the window Blue Jays and Canaries be flying in the bathroom scales are gathering nuts it’s oh nice it was the men masturbate we look like hairy beasts my mother uses a bus in the room on me I was like Chewbacca from Star Wars what you doing cuz the orgasm is a ladies what the does it take hurry the so make a man come is very easy tug left or right we dare make it a woman comments like playing Zelda for Nintendo you need to emulate the princess accepting the bag of Wizards dust the Vikings helmet bitch hurry the up we’re trying to see the second half shit fellas stop letting women put all this pressure on us somehow I didn’t come bitch I did what’s wrong with Joe shit I tell a woman before we even get started look team bus leave in 2 minutes and 8 seconds I’m gonna scream your name twice and then we’ll scratch off the clipboards you better hurry the up come to the team meetings I’m being some of you women’s demands is too much let’s all night really bitching all you know how much shit we can do during the course of an entire night we could watch a long autumn marathon play a couple games of checkers why the we got to have the Rome smelling like hot mayonnaise and motor oil how many women my round plugs good head Thank You Fionna see thank you the rest of y’all are some land motherfuckers matter of fact when I ask the question some of y’all stop giving it like what thought he was talking to me I didn’t even ladies get head it is the key to a successful relationship I believe in all that bullshit you see in a an Oprah and read the magazines come on two key to a man’s heart just due to psychological and I’m up that nuts so your best interest is if you don’t give it to us it would you sneak it on you when give it up.
you know what I like about head I like the noise it comes from head especially when a woman commits some of y’all be down there bullshitting they’ll be treating like it’s a scoop ice cream I like when a woman is down there she make that noise you make like when you bite into a slice of pizza that’s way too hot so you swish it around in your mouth so you don’t burn yourself I’ll have a bitch on the forehead grab by her ears ladies commit there’s a wedding in it all right before I get out of here cuz I gotta almost wrap it up real quick I’m gonna talk about the state of hip-hop for a second cuz I’m a big hip-hop fan man I just feel like you know a lot of this southern rap is dominating hip-hop and I don’t want to hate on these brothers man cuz you know I’m happy to see any black man in America getting money it’s a beautiful thing you know but some of you saw the brothers made a lot of these southern rappers man he just stepped a game up you know I’m saying cuz know you talk about like new Europe we’ve dominated rap for a long time and I know a lot of southern people feel like you know New Yorkers are bitter but come on man Weber frappe we started it in the South Bronx and lyrics is part of the game you know like Ludacris ti no easy a lot of niggers man T is my favorite Andre 3000 one of the best lyricist in the game but a lot of these southern niggas they be making these sing-songy catchy songs that five-year-olds could dance to come on man quick that dr. Seuss shit niggas yeah I got to step your game cuz it seems like nowadays if you come up with any song it don’t matter what the lyrics are get you a southern you know can’t she beat you could spit bullshit and it’s a hit know I got one so I may introduce y’all to my southern rap character big bugger Boogaloo and his hit song a book nigga look at my dance I can show you better than I can tell you.
The summer wine cooler water body I say shit nigga picking my dad from the dirty south do making it rain with the shippers in the club my booty baby daddy’s Robin oh there’s a recession we got.
Look at my education see the ribs on shine cuz we’re uh speakers up front got the bitches in the truck police say about my mama say the records who else you know about a chicken chain necklace it’s right nigga Chickasha necklace and I wear this muhfucka wrong cuz when I be rhyming I’ll be heating up hungry I eat the song bitch thank you lean with it rock with it Superman whoa it’s all the same shit just led to do the flow ponies got one when I say my man he really my man I read so hard from the north to the south got rain full of hand and a gold full of mouth wait a minute how you out I ran my hands and mouth when look at my dance yeah I want to set a big shot teachers that said I won’t go be shit my famous teacher my math teacher my Spanish teacher.
I remember one time I was at a strip club in North Carolina I gave a bitchin dollar but then she was pregnant now I must turn vo so I took the money back you know before I put that money in my pocket a baby hand came out up plus it and snatch the dollar back my dad’s education goichi mine I come up by you niggas mine daya the movies don’t even know I graduated from korvac man thank you I appreciate it baby I appreciate the love thank you very