all right thank you very much thanks a lot thank you Latter Day jesus christ give us some free tickets everybody shows up huh he’s like this guy rocks man three tickets I like this guy alright well uh it’s good to be here man nice to be back down here in New York I didn’t do shit today I didn’t lose her man she sat around watching TV and all the type of stuff and I’m gonna tell you something man you know what I’m sick of pedophiles and sex offenders they’re there on every channel everybody is doing something on sex offenders you know it’s like dude I got it there’s people out there touching kids you know but it’s not everybody it’s a very small portion of the population so you know take it down a few cuz you’re making it awkward out there dude you can’t say hi to kids anymore I love kids I love it I like making faces at him on the airplane making them last now paranoid a sex offender making me feel like a freak you know I’m terrified of kids now remember back in the day when a kid would come walking up to you can pat him on the head hey rusty how you doing right now that kid comes walking up and like do get that thing the away from Syria to get away and drop I’m not around just get that thing away from me all right don’t need the FBI or that’s catch a predator guy to come walking out like what are you doing here sit down let’s show to catch a predator man that is horrible PR for white people huh Day Saints jesus christ can they move that show to an urban area every once in a while just pitch a couple of hour Kelly’s pee get on some kids you know just balance it out a little bit it’s like this every dude walking in that house got to look like me oh you’re gonna anger oh how about it’s unbelievable everybody is talking about pedophiles and all that type of stuff I don’t know maybe that’s moral nowadays it’s like easier now because the Internet you know cuz back in the day he had to work for right know you got to get an ice-cream truck let’s figure out when the kids got out of school you pick a straggler you know I just go on the internet just google WWWE Road these parents are falling asleep you know you’re in there that’s unreal what does I say we saw a kid riding a bicycle down the street you you’re never gonna see that shit again you never see him playing outside him some parents just have him inside now man they just feeding him and feed them you know he’s making them and fatter trying to make them unfuckable you can’t get that kid in the car I’m serious pedophiles in general they’re very skinny people they’re gonna start chalking up their forearms it’s just a theory.
don’t take this shit too seriously you really think that is do you think that that’s why there’s I don’t know rented that movie uh pride recently if you guys seen that movie let me see that it’s about the first all-black High School swim team and the difficulties they had to go through being the first all-black Country Club swim team it makes you question how many of those white people are evil movies are they gonna make like it’s all the way down to swimming you know I’m starting to run out of Shelby Steele white guilt you know now let’s take those movies they started off unbelievable start off with roots right 12 Years white guilt was at an all-time high I could barely even watch it I’m like dude I got it my ancestors are evil okay please turn the channel dude please turn the channel they still hitting them during the chin this is gonna be on all week Jesus early 80s it was like a football movie then like cuba gooding want to be like a scuba diver I remember that shit and now it’s all the way down to swimming and I gotta admit I don’t think I give a I’m not trying to be a dick but it’s a recreational activity plus I’ve been in pools there’s spent black people in the pool you know I never saw any white guy like trying to like prevent people secondly just like making this shit up I’m not being a dick here okay just to clarify you know I just want anybody coming up to me after the show line you know I was thinking it then you said it I’m not saying that I don’t think jack shit people should be loud let’s put on some speedos and go for a dip I’m not saying that shit I’m just saying these movies he like the characters aren’t even believable like they always to have like that though the over-the-top uninhibited white racist character you know that guy he’s a guy like he’s supposed to represent all the white evil you know he’s like the dude they always have like screaming during the movie trailer they’ll be like they were the first all-black Lifetime Fitness swim team vein in his forehead is screaming shit look not even looking around you know dude it’s ridiculous real racism is quiet it’s subtle people look around first make sure that you know that make sure the this disclaimers like dude you know I’m not racist but these insert group name followed by up conversation right that’s how it broke down just some guys will prove this I work at the bank but I’d be fired immediately please I’m just saying can you just make the shit like believable you know the honest thing is those movies they’re starting to give me a complex you know cuz any time they do a movie about a group of people that thinks dumb shit about another group of people it’s always like Harlem Shake white dudes so it’s like a Young Fathers white dudes the only ones who think ignorant shit about other people you know no Mexican guy ever walked up to somebody from India like dude what the is that you fight to see I was walking around well you guys don’t eat cows you bunch of bags cousin why are you wearing sandals discussion back now I’m just saying you know just balance the movies out a little bit like just have some of the evil shit that black people say about white people you know what when we’re not around you know like what are some good examples you know you’re hanging out we had a rough day you know what are some of the classics you don’t want to smell like wet dogs right you got headlights or something like that right just slip some of that shit in there yeah a little pool wash your hand while the fucker brenda’s make it seem a little more dude I’m just saying it’s all the way down to swimming where the do you go from there we do like ping pong they were the first all-black ping pong team they’re gonna steal the paddle you got to go out there and show the white man y’all been ping-pong no I’m not saying now oh so he’s just weird bringing this shit up but no I’m not saying white people aren’t evil either cuz I know where you I got they’d evil in me head oh I can so I can feel it that’s why I try to suppress it I tried to dress casual you know I mean I’m serious man I tried a suit on the other day I felt it coming up like man I want to take over some shit right I’m gonna French Montana start telling people what to do our little blue to late flaming on my secretary you know do not even like those movies when they make black and white people get along man even those ones seem ridiculous you know cuz it always has to be like some sort of lesson and those movies just like you know I never looked at it that this like that never happens you know any time I’ve ever hung out with a black dude at no point during the evening as he like tried to like teach me how to dance you know that interracial Footloose moment they always to have in those movies and I never go to his neighborhood and like try to like save a school you know how many times are you gonna make that movie you know that movie the Sickle Cell white person goes into the projects they just have to make a difference you know they just made that movie again what that was at Hilary Swank it’s like did you even need to go see it it’s like let me guess she shows up and they don’t accept her right and she goes home she cries to her feminine boyfriend he’s wearing sweat pants and he’s cooking something for some reason right and he convinces her he convinces her to give it one more chance right since she goes back down there she starts drawing out their inner beauty next scene oh they put a do-rag on her she’s got dancing and it’s just embarrassing for races all the love of God stop making that movie through the amount of times they made that movie I would think I would know somebody white who actually did that shit you know Mike knows that’s what he does yeah sit around and watch SportsCenter you know he’s in the projects every weekend writing his name on the blackboard my name’s mr. Michael all right who threw that boots through that just annoying after a while you know and it always works out too anytime the South Africa white person goes down there I want to make that I want to see a movie where it doesn’t work out like the white dude goes down then the first day just gets the shit kicked out of them just leave it all negative you can’t something nice I could get a goddamn word it there’s a trade-off prescription so he’s something I saw the other day I’m not seeing a long time you know what I saw balls on a dog hey remember that shit dude I have not seen that since like the late 90s I still like sitting there looking like I remember that shit dogs used to have I remember that oh thank you hit your friend look at his balls you know what everybody would laugh no but somewhere along the line it became socially acceptable to cut your dog’s balls off whether there’s anything wrong with them or not under the whole fear of like well we don’t do it he’s gonna another dog they’re gonna make more jobs what are we gonna do with all these dog I love that shit what are we gonna do it’s like dude they’re animals just let him go I’ll be fine they got fangs I got claws they’ll form packs you know they’ll help with the obesity problem in this country know you come stumbling out of a cheesecake factory just like I heard of Rock run to get SUV size and Dukes of Hazzard style right now I’m Pro dog balls am I don’t use anything wrong with it doc should be able you know who we wants to and it’s ridiculous no I want to get a dog I want to get it duck I’ve been dying to get a dog and immediately my girls immediately what we have to get it from getting your job you’d have to get fixed I’m like why do we have to get her fixed why yeah uh I like well you’re not a veterinarian she’s like when they are you great then it’s a stalemate neither one of us knows what the we’re talking about so let’s not start cutting anything off the animal right so of course she’s a female she’s got to go out and prove me wrong goes out gets a book okay it says right here you get your dog fists he’s left leg to be aggressive okay just listen man except he’s less likely to rip up the furniture huh yes damn thing you know I just like sweetheart when we were a kid we had a family dog all right he had his balls okay guys sure occasionally he humped your leg you know but generally speaking he just laid around he begged for food you came home he’s excited but he wasn’t wearing a raincoat like jerking off 15 years without incident put his balls you know no sexual harassment nothing no I think it’s I think it’s weird how like human beings we’re trying to control the population animals you know like anytime the White Tailed deer population gets out of control some do but literally get on TV and be like all right United States deer population is up to about 17 18 hundred realistically we need to get that number down about five six of them all right start the bark you got a gun shoot one in the face I’m just sitting at home like what are they they’re doing that’s so bad for the environment you know we’re gonna need all the grass coming up to trees nibbling just nibble it though the deer didn’t put a hole in the ozone layer all right that’s not a bunch of dogs clogging up the freeway since us right we can all we want no one’s gonna stop you get out you could have 15 kids have a sixteenth on the way no one’s gonna get on TV and be like all.
Do what you gotta do this guy’s you can just keep banging away you can.
Just keep banging away making one useless mediocre not gonna invent shit kid after another I don’t understand people like that so I don’t you realize after your third loser kid you don’t have the DNA to make somebody special like what are you doing are you doing you’re just making more in the way people just walking around looking up at shit you’re trying to get down the sidewalk you know but you know that too whenever you’re going to the deli there’s always that guy in front of you doesn’t know what he wants but kind of what kind of brother sets like dude stop making that guy Brand New jesus christ that dude is everywhere that’s why I love old people I love old people that was what their Outfit Ideas family photos cracks me up it was right we’re all proud like well we had five kids and then they are so I can none hit that shit I don’t recognize anybody in that photo he just made 30 people we’re all taking a shit every day that ends up in a river that’s not a Clothing Ideas family photo it’s an environmental disaster and you framed it no that’s my solution for global warming everybody’s talking about cars and oil that doesn’t matter it’s just too many people you know it’s 20 people doing it so says know you want to help the environment just stop right I’m not saying stop but you know pull out you can still have your fun right you got to stop looking at babies like they’re these cute things all right they’re not aren’t they are cute but most of them just gonna grow up there’s gonna end up being those shithead and like an SUV that doesn’t pull out far enough into the intersection right now you gotta wait a whole nother light to make a left and you just sitting there losing your shit screaming at your windshield with this dude didn’t need to exist take there’s no reason for that I don’t know that’s my plan they should.
Just make babies illegals like the next like 25 30 years right that’d be great think about somebody’s born three people born every second to one person dying right see if you’re not making any buddies like bamps let me just died right so we just fell down some stairs somebody just tripped over a skateboard right and you know what lanes just opening up on the highway right know you get to work a little sooner you’re in a better mood dude you get it down to like 30,000 32,000 people be the shit right Superbowl comes around everybody can go everybody can go 22 you get to play the odds of you making it in the NFL it’s ridiculous good even if suck you can still need a block on punts you feel like a wedge breaker maybe that guy holding the first down marker you wouldn’t have to recycle there’s no us 30,000 people man everybody hears you could literally drive your own tank drive a tank you can throw toxic waste off the top you could shoot a bald eagle right in the head shitting all over my tank look people I don’t read okay seriously.
None of my shit is researched you know all the bullshit I’m talking up here I think I’m on to something with this you it’s like I’m eliminating people but like no one has to die that’s it you stop making do we’re gonna end up like China they gotta go over a billion people just jam-packed everything it’s like the supper he’s just standing there you can’t even fall oh shit sign but the hand just jammed max you never think about that shit just standing I’m gonna be sitting there first of all how easy is it to get away with the crime over in China you know first of all you pick somebody’s pocket you don’t have to run away you just weave your way back across he’s right over he’s right so he’s got black hair he’s foot five he’s pressed like it’s in Reservoir Dogs he’s right over there that’s what we’re gonna be headed how many more strip malls can you make please to get doughnuts and people to get their nails done everybody’s all excited this area’s really exploding funny it’s like no dude people are and then they’re just building I don’t know I get my act together man I’m yeah really the Phase Diagram critical point my life you know I am seriously I’m a psycho man I realized this about myself that you know I’m not married you know and I’m really getting to that critical age where you know pretty soon I’m just you know I got to pick a street either I’m gonna get married you know I’m just getting up being that creepy old guys hanging out in a bar you know red chest hair hanging out of hand now seriously I don’t know was what’s wrong yeah I just uh think I just stayed single too long and it’s just brutal there’s this Latent Heat critical point when you stay single too long and when your brain switches from you know like don’t say that time yeah it sit see what happens do it and once you cross that line this did the evil that just opens up it’s just you know I you don’t I just find women that just like I think they’re great I don’t want this to come off like I don’t come off here like I’m some woman here cuz you I know I’m a psycho but it’s just like don’t I just find him to be like relentless just every day that they just gotta come at you they just wake up they have an agenda and they’re like these psycho robots could never run out of batteries and every day this you got to deal with that everything with a hey I need to raise it and literally you know every day it’s like waves hitting the beach you know every day just a road and a little more your life away you know just waking up by inch so every day just why are you hanging out with him he drinks too much where’d you buy that ugly throw it out so one day you just hanging out in the middle of a lagoon just floating there your baseball cards and waving to your friends back on the shore don’t get me tickets I still like sports oh here she comes here she comes hey honey are you doing no I’m trying to I’m trying to learn how to pick my battles with my girl you know what I am you know I used to argue all the time I’m just trying to pick the battles some days they come at think you just got to let him go just let him go and follow him to whatever dumb shit they want to do later your picnic good Bank anything then other days you just got to get your hand up you just got to just create this perimeter son for them to bounce off like you can send that psycho energy in another direction buy yourself a couple of hours for freedom before they bounce off something Harry now they’re relentless they never stop and there’s no reason for me stop you know why this because you can’t hit him that’s what it is think about that there’s no physical ramifications for being an when you’re a woman do you know unless you haven’t how much of a dick I would be if it was socially unacceptable to kick the shit out of me dude I would be trashing everybody I saw see some big muscle-bound guy but I can’t do that right every guy has a line and if I cross the line I get blasted in the face totally acceptable right but with women there’s no line they can just keep coming at you do they can do stuff worthy of like a suplex and they’ll just stay right next to it any of the decency to run away like light your clothes on fire they’re like – yeah I did that shit so proud of my work I stuck around to see reaction I invited a couple of friends to heckle as you try to stomp it out with your bare feet oh yeah they like you your car sign your name Susan did this shit yes it like now can at least put her in a headlock give her a couple of I feel bad for women that unit you never get to feel that you guys should do it to each other you know just every once in a while just haul off and just blast one of your friends in the face you know it’s good for you I know yeah I know it hurts know you can’t feel you nose your ears are ringing but I’m telling you man it clears your head and it causes you to like evaluate yourself I swear to God any time I ever got punched in the face I was always pissed but at some point during the drive home I’d always be thinking like you know it’s kind of being a dick back there you know I really think about it I probably shouldn’t have said that last shit you know and you mean you’d like make that adjustment it’s not an I can’t believe he’s just gonna actually my girl punched me in the head on Valentine’s Day few years ago yeah I want to hear story this is a great one this is how much of a dick I am that I can actually tell a girl I love give her a card and somehow at the end of the night she still blasted me in the head you know I can’t even what happened all I know is she said some shit then I said some stuff then she said some more stuff and I said I’m going for big air I said the last shit and next thing you know she just came flying at me right fist balled up okay and at first she was just hitting me all in here you know which is acceptable right it’s a holiday let’s keep at night you know let’s keep it next right I gotta admit I was blocking most of it at first right I was doing the rope-a-dope I was leaning back pulling her head and I was leaning on her talking shit but it’s fire her out right and then all of a sudden she just went up top blam it hit me right in the side of the head you know what hurt the most was not that she hit me was that after she hit me she didn’t have the decency to hop back like maybe something was gonna happen she knew nothing was gonna happen it’s against the rules so not only did she get to blast me in the head she then got to do like this UFC talking shit thing in my face oh brother then she started like breaking up some stuff you know of course it was all my stuff and I’m just standing at okay don’t look her in the eye stand still as you can better calm down oh great that’s something mined from high schools that meant a lot to me evidently not to you it’s funny I was doing that shit I have a cop with his knee in my back but evidently you have a vagina so that makes it okay I just have to stand here and all I don’t know it’s gotta be me don’t you know I get into too many arguments do I got an argument this girl the other day you ever meet somebody like within the first couple minutes of meeting them they feel like they can like sum you up just like you know what your problem is and you just have this unbelievable urge just to take their head and just mush it into whatever they’re eating you know and really hold it there for a second you know like feel the panic and the back of their head it’s like the air bubbles become like and less frequent you know they have like weird thoughts like that place random violent thoughts you know like I actually had the urge that elbow an old lady in face the other day no it’s not real I swear to god man I was going I was going to get off the plane right you know the rules when you go to get off the plane it goes by row right in this lady’s all like ooh I’m 90 I get to cut everybody right so she starts waddling around me you know I’m competitive I start boxing up right my luggage I swear to God I did this I’m literally taking up the whole aisle and all of a sudden I just go around him she just starts waddling all around me and then I just fill my elbow like dude you’re gonna take this shit back come on dude you got a wide open shot you know just give her equipment she’s not gonna feel it she’s gonna go down and you can play it off like but I didn’t do it man I got my body under control I come on man we can’t do shit this is wrong and thought I was in control and then she got like right about there then I fell off my foot going to we can still trip her throwing that out there all the time do I didn’t do it I didn’t just you never think shit like that you never just walk down the street see somebody up on a ladder I just want to go over oh just to do it you see people like eating you know sidewalk cafe that’s all I’m saying.
It was one of those moments this girl was annoying me she was eating something and I was envisioning plunging her face right into it hi this is face what happened okay she tried to say I was homophobic I think she’s full of shit and this is the story all right we were in a diner right we just got done eating okay it came out I was looking down at the ground and when I looked up there was like these two dudes like hardcore making out you know it’s like I wasn’t ready you know what I mean it was all was it wasn’t ready it’s like know you ready Brokeback Mountain or I’m walking through the village I can get my brain prepared for what I might see butts like I wasn’t ready you know I just eat these fries my god dumb shit you got go to the gym you know it’s in my own head and when I looked up these two dudes one guy just going at it so the second I looked up I just went like that’s all I did real quick I just then this girl was just clearing it with that homophobic yeah how my father could not know homophobic I got no hatred you know I got no hatred in that area she goes what was that all about I was just like a visual thing it’s just you know she goes what are you talking about Oh put it this way the first time I ever saw a I was like 14 years old I had no idea what doggy style was but the second I saw it my brain was just like that is the shit I want to do that some point in my life or I convinced a woman through that quick me right my brain was like yes my dick was up everything was in agreement that this was a wonderful thing and I had no idea what it was but in the same token if at any point during that somebody started like kissing somebody’s feet I like sucking on their toes it was just close to me but that doesn’t mean I hate feet and I don’t want them in my neighborhood that just means I’m not into that shit just same thing with the Gators I have no hatred in my heart for gay people all right cool they’re funny generally speaking they’re neat you know I got a lot of positive things to say about him you know it moved your neighborhood the property value goes up because they make it fabulous right they can’t reproduce so that I’m making more in the way people wonderful for the environment god bless them but hot fart is political correctness goal that I got a look at some shit that’s making my brain go like away right I’m supposed to override that start like cheering on their relationship when you think it through it’s just notice ridiculous you’re gonna tell me some gay guys never walk down the street scene to straight people just going at it and never just sound like Oh God I’d like walk it off huh you can’t help but that’s just how his brain is wired right he just like pudding good I’m like dick but there’s no hatred in that okay alright just couldn’t explain it to this girl she’s a guy yeah um it’s like not what’s on the same up you see a big guy eating a sandwich right and he gets a little mustard on the side of his face right you look away but that doesn’t mean you want him to choke on the sandwich then you want to get a bunch of friends to beat the shit out and free the sandwich right do whatever you put your mouth on is the most intimate thing ever right there’s no middle ground it’s either like yes or that there’s no middle air you know balls right you just and you just insert yourself into the situation like when you watch a there’s a guy and a girl but you’re not looking at the guy even though he’s right there you’re just looking at the girl and you’re just thinking yeah that’s what I would be doing to her right but if you took the girl out and there was just some guy just sitting there just dry-hump you you’d be like this shit is horrific right so what I’m looking at two dudes kissing it’s like a stalemate there’s no place for me to insert myself into that situation it isn’t horrific right does that mean I’m up you know don’t love about that joke you guys got it after like the first example yet I felt the need to give you so it’s got to get my shit together man.
That’s basically it started going back to therapy again I just can’t thank you I just can’t do therapy try I Re Pregnant start telling my stories I just start laughing and then the therapist is always looking at me like you know I’m like come on it’s kind of funny right nice ah so he’s trying to get me to bring the walls down so you know I finally one therapy session you know I start getting a little emotional and then all of a sudden he goes okay yeah just breathe and the second my brain said what a douche and I just a I just hate no just the wall just came back up again you know I don’t maybe I’m just fighting it you know maybe this is who the am I like Corvettes you know maybe I should just be this should start making some more money know you never think about this shit I don’t know how you guys how do you stay married how the do you do it I know you take the happy Salman Khan family photo it’s just sitting there know you never just think of that just some day you know just slam in the garage door in your head putting yourself in a coma for a couple of just all happy okay never done leads to say happy proud all right I don’t know I like up shit man I like when crazy stuff happens I like stuff for like in sports I love watching sports like I love all that stuff like people cheating like with steroids you know I am so Pro steroids it’s ridiculous I could give a shit I could really give a shit you know I don’t know what Barry Bonds is doing but whatever he’s doing I hope he keeps doing it I hope he just comes out it’s like one big chest muscle with like a bat sticking out just keeps cranking him over the fence you know who gives a you people have been cheating since the beginning since I was watching put baseball in the 70s half of them were on coke you don’t think that helps you see the ball a little better you like wired out of your mind like dude I can see every step 12th inning you’re all Hancock no I love all that stuff I like when you know people fall out of the upper deck when athletes punch people in the stands I mean that’s just like what’s entertainment for me now you know I like that Jimmy the Greek moment that happens to sports you know like once every four or five years you know that like some 50 55 year old white dude tries to explain why black people are kicking the shit out of white people in practically every major sport you know and it always goes down the same way right there’s always like three Oculus Rift white dudes and the one white dude in the middle he’s always like the guy with like the theory you know he’s okay I know it seems are these African American athletes yeah they seem to have saw this quick twitch muscle fiber you know there’s a slow twitch and there’s on this quick twitch and the second they do says that like the other two Star Wars white dudes start like sliding on a frame like they’re inside not be part of this highlight nice no Nanette keep that seat warm right gonna do the middle he’s just like hell-bent on gettin fired you know just he’s such like bringing up slavery never deli they were breeding the strongest man with the strongest woman in that quick-quick the literally 20 minutes later that dudes on TVs like fired right he’s crying his family standing there he’s got like a box of shit from his desk with like an Emmy sticking out and the slope is just try to make a point no I love that I love to seeing people mess up their careers like that it’s just funny to me plus I got a mitt as a white dude on some level I have to believe in that theory because it’s like a white dudes that bad at basketball I can’t even watch the NBA anymore man it’s like every high like the white dudes like that the planking does like his nuts in his face just sitting at home like for the love of God tackle the guy Risen Today jesus christ get out of the way you ever get tired of those two nuts flying over your head you know you’re gonna be on SportsCenter just get out of the way dude I’m telling you there’s got to be something to that theory I saw this show one time on runaway slaves it’s one of the most amazing programs I’ve ever seen in my life but when you ran away as a slave you didn’t run to the end of the driveway and be like that job to start walking dude you wanna like run through whole states this dogs chasing your hurtling shit you’re swimming those are the first triathletes and there was nobody helping him up there was no cooler on the side of the road like come on man dude you are on your own is it any.
Wonder 250 to 300 years of that shit and then I’m gonna do up in gym class I come from hundreds of years an alcoholics I got like half a liver you know I mean you know what’s funny to me about that stuff you can’t even like you know I obviously know that Theory’s crazy but it’s just like you can’t even bring up how well black people do are doing in sports everybody gets all weird about it which I don’t understand cuz it’s like a compliment you know like feeling weird it isn’t right now you know I just brought that shit up I’m saying something good right said I saw a coach get in trouble for that shit like his team was like Owens six or something they just couldn’t win it every week the press was just getting on him and more right and the duty was just like flustered and he had like a moment of honesty they’re like why can’t you guys win a game you know the offense isn’t getting it done you know defense yeah too slow and it’s just tell me they gets all black guys on this team with everyone started freaking out like they had no idea what this dude was talking about it’s like are you watching SportsCenter or do you see the Olympics like I love 200-meter dash right there’s always like nine black dudes and then that one token white guy and like Lane eight I’m just sitting there cone come on man one time just one time put in the bronze just do what you got to do the white dude always stays with them to like the first turn then he like blows out what’s on a flat google it where’s that weight through the next Olympics he’s like up in the broadcast booth his careers over is where he’s like a commentator yeah it’s gonna be a great race still can’t feel my toes but I’m telling you now I don’t get it’s like a complan we’re saying give you fast that’s a good thing right people start all freaking out you’re acting like that’s all we can do you saying we can’t be scientists no we’re not always saying is if there was a race through the microscopes you we’re just saying pictures that you get there first you lap pool would be flapping in the wind I get there like three minutes later all cramped up with you we’re looking at bacteria now you know fresh features I don’t see that woman like no I get into those arguments all the time all the time friends of mine I’ll be like well how come anytime a black athlete does something they say it’s an athletic move any time a white athlete does it they say it’s an intelligent movement it’s like whoa fair enough man it just depends on what you’re doing you know I mean it’s like you know if you read a defense white or black that’s an intelligent move right but if you take off from the foul line jump over nine other dudes and throw the shit down those other nine guys aren’t standing there like one I think of around guys superhero shit flapping in the way with a big s on your chest I’m telling you man hey that’s the funny thing about Hitler let me work through this idea no that’s my favorite sports clip is that Jesse Owens shit I just love it because their whole angle was up but he made Hitler leave in like the third quarter right he’s putting down his number one finger just walking out of the stadium feet right there whole thing was like we are going to create these superior days it’s like dude I think we accidentally already did that you sent a select group of people to the gym every day for a couple hundred years better that’s the dunking on us every day dude how quiet was that limo Joni Mitchell ride home with Hitler you don’t say you know he was talking crazy shit when they were on the way there they were all amped up dude I’m going to dominate Sieg Heil is going then whole Patty Griffin ride home they’re just sitting there all quiet you’re sitting next to an even angrier than usual adolf hitler trying to make some sort of small talk like this it just wants nice day isn’t it dude I can admit man I’m fascinated with Hitler man I am just how the that guy ever came in power cuz did he ever look like he’s in a good mood in any of those clips everyone’s flapping around there was nobody even in the beginning to be like dude is it me in this guy’s I don’t think of us fast total block you can’t even have around women or nothing you know no you know what as crazy people can take over shit that’s like regular people we honor you just never say shit you ever notice a like you’d be on a bus 30 decent people one crazy dude can take over the whole bus right nobody’s just sitting there everything’s great then one crazy just starts screaming and the second that happens all thirty people like that everything up against them to get hepatitis their buddies freaking out like why does every just pounce on the dude I think every regular person should just have like a chloroform rag like right in their front shirt pocket and the second any crazy shit happens if you’re behind it it’s on you just pull it out take the guy ready jump on you time up it’s at who’s possibly the next Hitler across the forehead you keep an eye on right nobody it’s so hard it’s just hard to speak up that’s the shit you know like I was on a target the other day right not bragging you know what I’m standing there with a buddy of mine right he’s a bouncer he’s a bouncer and this really like crazy bar so he knows like all these scumbags and it just so happens that one of them just so happens to come walking through the target so my buddy goes wave to him like hey man how’s it going and riding this guy being like I know it’s gone pretty good he just launches into this tirade about like immigrants right in the middle of target so how’s it going tails go god damn Mexicans keep coming to this country take it all the job immediately everybody in line like Oh mm he’s still there I’m not looking I look the last time it’s your turn to look I’m not looking at you just look this guy was going off nobody did shit clued cleared me I wasn’t looking at the guy evenly people who worked at Target they just kept ringing stuff up like you three socks for a dollar that’s amazing think it’s gonna rain out dude it was a classic chloroform moment this guy who’s doing he was old like a Hitler open-mike you know I’m just going off he was learning how to put thoughts together right how to speak in front of groups so we should just came up through some skittles on the ground you take him out legit but nobody did shit you knew there was like one guy working at Target like some crazy dude peeking out from the back I like guy this guy’s right so he follows him out to the parking lot they jump in his El Camino now there’s two of them I don’t know I mean I’m into a.
Conspiracy theory man that’s my thing you guys into that shit you read that I ain’t Top 10 fast food Open Late fast food I think it’s like a conspiracy you know I think that’s how they just keep us dumb you can’t even think after a while you ever notice that shit like it may be a whole day planned out eat one egg McMuffin you just on the couch yeah you don’t my dreams do this it’s unbelievable healthy food you can’t even smell it you have a bag of apples right in front of my face like my eyes are closed I can’t smell it 200 miles away oh is it KFC well then you get a bucket of it tell you never know say I’m in Aris whenever the government ‘s up all of a sudden like McDonald’s has like a new sandwich know you just sitting there screaming at your TV I’m gonna get pardon all these CEOs noumic so anyways yeah so I have a lot of like I have a lot of up thoughts man I do this is the most recent one I had you ever drive down the street and see like 30 people up on a sidewalk you just think you don’t do it you just fake it that’s what’s like separates the psychos from the functioning right psychos they just think it they do it look at the wipers going to make a day out of it right but it’s a functioning psycho not only do you not do it you actually analyze it like man if I just leave my hand right here nobody knows who am I move it two degrees over here I’m on the cover of Newsweek and instantly famous right here nobody knows me just a regular jackass like hey Bill want come to the cookout you know maybe you could bring that potato salad was such a big hit last year one of the most horrific stage it’s gonna be there you can strike up a.
Conversation maybe hook up with the no indication even try to stop no I had those thoughts all the time like recently my girl took me to AI San Francisco street fair right you guys aren’t minitor New York street fair you know they closed off the box right close off the block it’s like shwarma there’s like shit made out of buttons right people with no teeth are making keychains you know it’s a typical girlfriend idea it sucks and it’s gonna take all Saturday right she’s like all excited she’s like swinging my arm I’m like praying for lightning some sort of scaffolding to fall down on my head you know so she comes out first place she comes up to us is this big table nothing like homemade jewelry right homemade jewelry okay it’s got twigs in it macaroni it’s shit and he’s a table of shit right but she loves it right she’s not gonna stop me so punchy right she’s like trying on the earrings do you like these do you think these are nice right I want to be like now but they were nice they’d be in a store all right there being a roof some sort of structure would be built around this is shit this is a table of shit but I don’t want to be a dick okay that’s great you know John you know I’m gonna go eat some air okay even though we’re outside I think there’s more air to be had you know Tubbs I felt that I was gonna snap I literally watched by two three tables of wayne’s this lady staying there with this big table and nothing but muffins right homemade muffins it’s like 85 degrees out she’s standing there there’s big table nothing but muffins she’s got this big stupid look at the muffins and they look in her face and the second I saw shit that part of my brain was just like dude what would happen if you just came up and just said hey lady are these your muffins oh yeah I just started gonna plant like how many of these muffins could I wash before anybody did I mean realistically think I could have got the whole table because even if you saw me doing that shit it will take at least five to six seconds to process like the game you ate the muffin off it but just seems like a waste of pastry you know there’s no security shit like that this don’t dude standing there he’s pushing them up it’s okay LM on it sorry we’re gonna have to ask you to leave they just took me out so I just started thinking a horrified up look in this lady’s face as I started slamming these muffins and out of nowhere I just started laughing like a maniac I’m like slumped over this fried you know card I’m dying my car looks to me she’s like what the hell you laughing at and like an idiot I actually tried to explain like she was gonna get it on some level right.
and she’s just looking at me like why do I go out with you but I swear to god man if I never broke eye contact the second I started hitting those things that girl wouldn’t even been able to call for help I would have been in her head.
thank thank you