ladies and gentlemen.
It’s good to be home thank you look weird too let’s start there went to Starbucks today got behind the only person that’s never been to one before that was awesome hey not everybody Shops at Starbucks I get it but on your first day hang back a second get the lay of the land all right Oh jump in line up the works those of us who show up to Starbucks every day do not show up in a we’re feigning a little bit we kind of need you to get the out of her way start asking drink questions which is fine yes someone that works there don’t ask me shit what’s macchiato I don’t know I knew that I wouldn’t be here would I Ida bought a machine started making this shit at home I think they’re giving me a deal at 5 bucks a cup every goddamn day it’s coffee and milk man pick a flavor and an Italian word and move to the left just want people to think for two.
Goddamn seconds before they shit some question out the word this hole there’s no such thing as a stupid question bullshit ends in high school this is life we’re playing for points and there are a shit ton of stupid questions like when I was in the lobby of a hotel in Oklahoma and a middle-aged woman approached me and said excuse me is that the elevator.
Are you shitting me what other door looks like this no matter of fact I want you to name another door that opens magically from the middle and has two buttons on the side I think people are walking in there and disappeared is this an episode of Star Trek no that’s probably the goddamn elevator I was in San Bernardino California in August when at 4 o’clock in the afternoon was 118 degrees outside at 7 o’clock that evening the young lady I was with asked me if I thought she need a jacket now I’m a comic so sometimes when people hang out with me they try a little hard to be funny it’s awesome thought maybe this is one of those times so being a gentleman I said hey you with me she said no do you think it’ll be chilly 118 degrees three hours ago do you have.
Any idea what kind of meteorological event would have had to occur for the temperature to drop sixty degrees three did you hear sirens let me tell you soon the temperature dropped 60 degrees in three hours jacket grab a leg vest the shit’s gone nuclear plans are canceled all right even if it is dropped 30 degrees it’s still 88 degrees tired of it tired of being nice trying to go at all it’s cute they’re stupid no that shit there are enough of us on this planet we can start thinning the herd a little pan I’m not saying we should hunt the stupid saying let’s let them Telling Someone kill themselves let’s take some warnings off some shit take do not eat off paint me to tears dumbass kids to have yourselves as Sherman Williams Christmas take flammable off gasoline.
If you don’t know gasolines flammable highly doubt you can read in the first place on a three banger like flammable surprise you don’t see more idiots at the pump now just slam I’m amiable lead so mammal no format but just line it just slide it I don’t know what it says how it says I’m tired of reading you have to give corporations and already shitting me defense so in stupid people do dumb shit with products the corporate lawyers could just walk into court look at the judge look at the plaintiff went back into judge where you shitting me this dude skied off his roof and now you’re suing me cuz I’m a excuse shit me I gotta write down every goddamn thing you’re not supposed to do with my product hey don’t assist in childbirth with this ski because they’re starting to make products for stupid people alright we didn’t used to do that we used to make products for ourselves and then stupid people would have to adapt but now there’s so many of them they’ve become a marketing demographic you don’t believe me Coors Light doesn’t think you can tell how cold your beer this is cool Jimmy get in here I can’t feel feelings if you stop feeling temperature no more beer you need to see a neurologist what the blue mountains tell you is you’re about to have a stroke ladies you need two digital readout on your home pregnancy test I want you to go ahead and call your gynecologist make yourself an appointment cuz we’re gonna sew you up we got enough of you we don’t need any more of you we’re your friends I know you didn’t take that goddamn test alone all three of you couldn’t figure out plus or minus really get in there at stitch time all right I am very familiar with the whole pregnancy process never once of I looked at one and gone oh shit it’s analog country of Omaha has had to give the country of Iran over a million half dollars on the United States behalf so that we could get three of our stupid people back I don’t know if you heard the story about the three backpackers who got lost in Iraq ended up in Iran and got arrested but for those of you who haven’t let me tell you what these fucktards did they went to Iraq on I don’t even know you could do that you priceline a Baghdad trip who does that ever pour the Wars for now the last time there wasn’t a war in Iraq was 1972 people going to Iraq in the early 60s just hanging out no they weren’t so goddamn shithole looks like Arizona with a castle all right I get it I get it to an extent I understand the fraternal aspect of trying to one-up your Dungeons & Dragons friends right get back from your rack trip they just got back from the Grand Canyon they’re talking shit you’re like oh yeah I went to a rack pick one and suck it I get that had the artery ended with them going to Iraq they’d have been fine but then they decided go to the Iraq Iranian border where even the locals were like a buck towards right to Universal turn tard or some why are you here backpackers they’re like we’re extreme we love us pn2 villagers told him they said you’re more than welcome to stay in our village we recommend you do so God’s name whatever you do don’t go in those mountains over there cuz rands over there I don’t know if you’ve kept up on the last 60 years of American history they don’t like you the backpackers were unfazed they’re like we love showing white and went they got lost and they got arrested just guess what it’s not hard to find three white people in the middle of the Iranian wilderness they were the only white things for hundreds of miles they were visible from space their parents asked our government to go get them and our government basically said you go get them you raised fucktards it’s every family does every family has a fucktard in it and if you can’t think of who it is it’s my sister’s a goddamn Proctor doesn’t.
Mean I don’t love her but if my sister came home and told our parents that she was gonna go to Iraq on vacation my dad would have punched her in the face and said I’m sorry I didn’t hear what the you just said he would have done that because he’s a good father sometimes as a parent you have to punch fucktard in the face keep them out of while we’re on the subject of having children it’s time to instill some new rules all right I know the Bible told you to live long and multiply Bible didn’t get caught in the middle rush-hour did it no there’s a lot of us it’s time to slow some shit down no more having litters no more having eight or nine kids you out of your Ve Lost goddamn mind can’t be a good parent to eight kids I know my mom’s want a seven and there’s two uncles we don’t talk to it’s not smart people having a shit ton of kids either I’d be fine with it if that was the case but it’s not this may be last generation but not this generation you don’t see too young dr. spit nine out do you know it’s always Cletus and Velveeta clogging up the trailer every third fiscal quarter I’m tired of it new rule if you’re under 35 you get three free that’s one more than you that’s two and a fuckup you can pick it all right it’s for tax.
Purposes maybe it was an accident maybe had a lazy eye have you had twins you know they’re gonna be weird sand I got a normal one I’m recently single I broke up with her that’s a rarity I know a lot of you’re looking at me like you should probably hang on to whoever hangs out for any amount of time it’s a valid point I made a mistake I found someone that couldn’t live without me I thought that’s what you wanted and then I found it and obnoxious it’s like having a puppy that can text what you want is someone that doesn’t.
Need you in the least but chooses to be with you because they love you yes that’s why my parents are still together cuz my mom still might leave it’s been 40 years of two kids she’s.
Still not sold on it she’s vocal about it too dad knows he’s like I just want to thank you for hanging out you’ve been great we just had opposite like the opposite things you know I like to go outside I like to go drink I like to go meet people she like to sit inside and worry about shit that hadn’t happened she was a warrior that’s what she did I was her Pinterest she worried about the craziest shit -.
First night I stayed at her place we’re going to sleep she says you need to sleep on this side of the bed so that’s fine it’s the other side like your side or something she said no their sides closest to the door you need to sleep there in case someone breaks in tries to rape me you’ll be on that side this happen a lot cuz if it’s gotten to.
A point where you’ve had start to prepare for it I believe you have grounds to break your lease so let me get this straight dudes gonna break in get all the way to the bedroom and go it she’s on the this would also lead one to believe that.
You think I might sleep through a rape I’m laying right next to you worst comes to worst nudge me so I’ll tell you what do braixen starts raping me I’m waking her ass up leave what do you mean what plows the shit out.
Of me back I figured he was looking for you she was very proper she was very into.
Manners which I was fine with I thought my parents raised a gentleman she informed me I was incorrect we’re at a deli Sam it shows up there’s pickle next some sandwich little backstory a pickles hate them I don’t know who decided pickles would be a garnish but I hope they get kicked in the dick all right that’s a bullshit move that it’s too aggressive for a Parsley’s garnish to take part stop sammich I don’t taste parsley can you put that goddamn disease penis next to the sammich these streets all up in the I like pickles I don’t want on sandwich what you think I want him adjacency sandwich him a fries I saw that goddamn pickle and left the kitchen back right I’d say that loud I internalized it I’m not an animal some set the plate down I took the pickle set it on the table I looked up at her by the expression on her face you would have thought I took my dick out just set that on the table she was disgusted appalled I cannot believe you just did that in public do not believe you just put a pickle on the table I was like well one of us needs to settle the down this is not your mom’s house this is a deli when the menu is above your face manners are relaxed a little bit all right period of McDonald’s take a shit on the floor no one’s gonna say you’re gonna make Thomas here not the first person to have done that she goes what if I want the pickle see you don’t get the pickle because I’m gonna kiss you later and I don’t want you to taste like pic remember when you told me it didn’t like it when I smell like pot well I don’t like it when you taste like too she wanted me to live a long time we fought about that I’m not suicidal I want to live but I want to live I want to eat leaves through the rest of my life and hopes for four years of eating leaves at the end of it the last thing I want to wish for on my deathbed is a chalupa I want kids I want a family but when they go to college daddy’s gonna try some shit if I make it to 75 I’m doing heroin already decided coz that’s when you do it that’s when you do it’s a terrible idea now but I overdosed 75 they’ll be at my funeral God all he never got to he’s good get out on the try heroines got to be fun initially right heroines got to be a shitload of fun you know I smoke pot I think pots great drug but I still pay my rent heroin so much fun people are like house she want me to quit eating Cantina Bowl taco bell.
We’re not together anymore I don’t eat fast food is rule but I will up Bean Burrito taco bell given the opportunity I like Pizza Hut Bell S taco bell’s company I like what they produce 24 Hour Phone Number taco bell’s never lied to Mexican Pizza taco bell’s never told you they were healthy McDonald idea then put out some bullshit commercial with a cattle rancher go we got to raise our kid rat or McDonald’s won’t bomb chopped up into burgers Chicken Burrito Drive Thru taco bell’s commercials like hey we’re putting shitting in the Rideau get down here take your time we’re open all night.
Nutrition Facts taco bell got soon two years ago the college said your meat is only 38 meat Layer Burrito taco bell and retaliation took a full-page ad out in USA today that basically said you it’s 80 that’s an honest company they’re going yeah it’s not all real we’re Chicken Quesadilla taco bell it’s B – go yourself all right she would send me internet articles about what’s actually in Cool Ranch Seasoned Beef taco bell’s meat and then she’d call me and quiz me about the shit she read it yeah I read it sand and sawdust but have you had it it’s I knew sawdust tasted like that I’ve been chopping wood every goddamn ten what happened to the tree in the yard I mean nachos that’s what happened to tree I mean a shit ton of them the trees worth is way too much I should have measured it different she just watch me while I ate it how can you eat it I need to eat that it’s not even food well it’s 3:00 in the morning who the wants food right now just trying to settle down this belly full of liquor talk about it’s not food I know that Taco Bell knows that go to a Taco Bell walk in look for the word food it’s not in there anywhere it is called fourth meal for legal reasons Taco Bell is not food it is ecstasy for your face Taco Bell and the drug ecstasy are very similar both made in basement light conditions you don’t know what’s in either one of them when you eat Taco Bell just like when you take ecstasy you think it’s the best shit in the world there’s best goddamn notches I’ve ever had touch her face touch her face how do you feel after taco boo same way.
You feel after ecstasy curled up in a dark room I want to die I want to poop or die one of the tear their poles gonna happen so I’ve had to start dating again which I hate over it 34 I want to go back to club and girls in the head and dragging them back to our apartments right nobody I don’t know how far we’ve actually gotten from that to be honest with have you been to a dance club lately it’s pretty much what we’re doing can’t talk to someone at a night club it’s so loud in sit there go hey what’s your day Karen what Steve I believe it are you doing a nightclub meet a girl buy her a drink she hangs out you buy her another drink dance a little bit keep buying her drinks she’s there at the end of the night you see what happens you’re basically clubbing her over the head you’re just using a different instrument stare at me all you want to ladies but I give a girl nine vodka tonics I hit another girl in the head with a bat they got the same look on her face have you seen my phone I chop my phone it was in my boobs and it fell out can’t find the phone she knows my shoes can’t five apart let me tell you something on your shoes.
Ladies and your nails and whatever the stomach belt thing is I know what that is confusing thing on the planet folks go here get you start putting shit wherever the I need show up with socks on my hands like oh it’s comfy don’t pull yourselves either ladies oh.
You’re like oh it makes you look skinny no it doesn’t no it makes you look be skinny that’s it this thing just makes you look like you have a giant vagina I have to put the beltway up here I just have a large vagina it’s not bulbous it’s just one longer trying I don’t have a belly button it’s just more vagina doctors don’t know how I was fed in the womb all that shit is for you and other women alright guys to give a I think dudes were sitting around going man I wish girls dress more Santa like a big black belt maybe a sack full of shit I wanted your nails mean I figured he’d get a bun now you ever walked through a nightclub heard some dude be like check out the nails on that chick it’s never happened ever unless they were six inches long and then he said it to everything we’re gonna check out the nails on that true how’d you get a handi from Edwina Scissorhands over there so much blood your shoes come on I can pick a pair.
Let’s go all right here’s why Maddox shoes I was doing a show in Vegas sister and a bunch of a dumbass friends came out they’ve never been to Vegas I go there all the time I’m over it all right I go there I do my shows I make my money I get the out they wanted to walk up and down the Las Near Las vegas strip which is the last thing I wanted to do but I went because I didn’t want to be on the news later that night that’s the last time I saw so I thought it’d be a good Big Brother walk my sister and her Tramp friends down the Restaurants Las vegas strip now case you’ve never been to Vegas and explain a few things the casinos are humongous there’s like an eighth of a mile in between each entrance so what the girls would do and we left a casino they take their heels off put New Balance tennis shoes on we’d hook it down to the next casino where they’d Clothing Portland switch shoes again and then we’d go whore it through that casino it’s a fine plan when it takes you a normal amount of time to Multnomah Village switch shoes but I’m dealing with drunk twenty-five-year-old chicks so three or four times there were tears involved so when we got to the fifth casino I had a bit of an episode I said ladies just keep the goddamn K Swiss tennis shoes on let’s save 20 minutes they’re like but we want to look cute so guys don’t give a shit about shoes no man ever has been like I was totally gonna that chick but her outfit didn’t make any sense and he wearing a car tarp and gravy boats don’t give a shit it’s all an obstacle tell us it’s the passion it’s a matter of fact if I walked into a bar and I saw a girl wearing a car tarp and craves boats that’s the first girl I’m talking to my chicks low-maintenance get you a new one come on get your shoes out the dishwasher it’s your day I don’t do nightclubs I don’t do Vegas for obvious reasons this it’s not work out at nightclubs I can’t walk up to a gaggle of girls like come hang out with me and my only girls would follow me anywhere it probably just looked at their forensic ladies come on we’re going to a chocolate factory yeah lap it up it’s hilarious I cry.
Alone at night did you get some haha out of it this is what it does this is what it does I didn’t go to a salon and say Wonka me alright thinking about a hotel waiting for curlers to set no I get a shower this is what it does and it’s not going to do this for long either find out about that the other day that’s happening look at that that’s white motherfuckers staring at you it’s a giant countdown to awful I’m doing it too I’m going bald it.
I’m gonna go bald I grow my hair long I’ll be the long haired bald dude I’m gonna look like I have to register when I’m not doing Mobile Al hair plugs sure I can sure I’m a candidate but I’ve seen hair plug commercials not really group of dudes I want to hang out with I don’t swim painter that’s a big part of I can swim if you’re drowning I can save you but if you called me on a Saturday so let’s go swimming until you go yourself is there a boat no we’re just gonna jump in no I don’t want to do that I’m not seven that’s why since when is running your fingers through your hair make your man make a big deal out of that my hair plug commercial look at doing this again totally worth having hair stapled from my ass to the face smells funny it looks weird but I like it gives me confidence I don’t know if they make toupees anymore but if you wear one this no one’s heard a word you’ve said ever not first time they were too busy looking that thing on your face I’m sorry man what did you say I lost.
I lost you said somebody dead squirrel oh you didn’t say dead squirrel I was thinking dead squirrel some reason I went on a date with a girl I didn’t even want to go out with that’s how shitty things are getting I just said it I could use the practice don’t look at me like that ladies like you never went out with a dude for a free meal go yourselves all right judge me she was a nice girl she was pretty I just knew we weren’t gonna work out in the long run cuz she was an idiot not saying girls are dumb saying quite the opposite I’m saying this one in particular had lost a couple helmets and I was like it it’s Tuesday I got shit else to do Deadliest Catch was a rerun so we go to dinner she starts talking just fine but she keeps talking she’s one of those people who can’t shut the up ever to talk tops like she actually talked the out of me like that half like I wanted a fucker she kept talking all the sudden I don’t want to her and I like to talk it’s not like I pick you up for a date say getting the car and shut the up all right and it’s not just a girl thing either dudes do it too there are people on this planet that are afraid of silence I don’t know what happened to them they were raped by a mute what else would cause that you know I’m talking about your sit in a car with these people normal conversation fades away there’s nothing on the radio so you turn it off you start losing yourself and your own thoughts because you have them then you look at the person next to you it looks like they or may not be having a seizure grandma likes purple shut the up.
You need to talk just to talk just to make noise and just make it’s almost obnoxious as the people that feel the need to hit you while they tell you shit let me tell you something hitters you can touch the person they can hear you how boring are your stories that you’ve had to start hitting people to keep their attention maybe you’re not a very good storyteller nobody’s perfect I can’t draw where the shit you don’t see me smacking people while I make terrible doodles mature ponies breakdown social.
Etiquette in this country it’s time we start calling some people out on the bullshit all right apparently there have been some bad parents and now it’s up to us as the herd to start checking people I’m talking hockey style into the boards checking people like have you ever tried to get out of an elevator but you can’t some assholes trying to get in it is wrong with you where’s your mother put her on the phone I have some shit to say right because she up on the elevator thing it’s basic that’s a basic rule and she missed it it’s number three on the list all right look both ways before you cross the road something Mouse let people out of an elevator before you get in and it’d be one thing if it was a right like oh hey buddy is this your first day on an elevator but no I was in Vegas with some grandmother gams too much been using elevator since people ran them no better alright and I respect my elders but my elders need to respect physics upstander where you want to stand grandma do you have a teleporter No then maybe you should back the up for a second it’s all in one way off this thing and you’re blocking it so I hold the Washing Machine door open for you say thank you I don’t know who the think you are you’re not I don’t have to worry about it with.
Another man I’ll the Hp Deskjet door open for another man we have to say shit to each other just to make sure we’re not hitting on one another there you go man thanks I’m gonna go in here watch some football build an engine file the Sound Effect door open for a Happy Birthday beautiful lady she doesn’t say anything it irks me but I’ll let it go it’s not because she’s pretty directly it’s just that I know that not every man holds the Warning Light door open for a pretty lady for the reasons that they should a lot of times man only holds the Hp Printer door open for a pretty lady cuz he wants to say something he thinks is clever but it’s in fact creepy you smell good I know at first glance I’m not the most reputable looking character on the face of the planet so filed Light Stays door open for a Ost Oh beautiful lady she doesn’t say anything I let it go but when an ugly chick does it I want to hit her in the head with the door I want to put another dent in that ugly-ass face or hers I know not everyone does it for you ugly chicks and I do it for you just to help you feel a little bit better about yourself and you blow by me like I work at the Marriott are you shitting me that’s why you’re ugly all right that shit starts on the inside if you’re ugly and have a bad attitude what the are you offering people at least I’m or when Elaine ends on a highway whether you’re leaving town or whether there’s construction ladies don’t just end without warning that’d be hilarious you don’t think so but it would be flames just ended local people would sit by highways and watch out-of-towners Someone Threatens kill themselves now he’s dead they give you two and a Walking 2 half miles first sign when Elaine ends is a two and a Calories Burned half miles that’s over 13,000 feet for you to move ate most of us do it don’t we most of us are like oh shit this lane ends I live in a society I’d like for it to progress so we get over then jeremy bluetooth besides he needs get home a sixth of a second faster than the rest of us and he uses the remainder of the lane try to pass everybody jan was never real good with spatial relations so he runs out of real estate a little quicker and thought he was gonna and now he wants us all to slow down and let his dumb ass back in the pack and we do it cuz we’re compassionate but the time has come to say you Jeremy the law sometimes in life you lose and the shoulder should just be full of douchebags didn’t make it over yeah you see it’s seven cuz they’ll learn douchebags are children that never grew up that’s why they dress that way gentlemen if you’re walking through a mall you see a 15 year old kid wearing basically the same shit you are you’re a douche bag you can yell at a child and you can yell at a douche bag but eventually you have to let them up for themselves so they’ll learn something don’t touch the stove hey don’t touch the stove finally you know what lick it burns doesn’t yeah it does try to warn me but you didn’t listen now you can’t taste anything cuz you’re stupid my name is Tour Dates chris porter it’s a fairly common name I’m not the only Comedy Central chris porter of note there’s a Comedian Tour chris porter that played basketball at Auburn few years in the NBA he and I are very easily distinguished between there are two hockey players named West Seattle chris porter for some reason there’s a gay star it was decided to name himself Chris that’s not his god-given name that’s his chosen professional guy name there you go hey man what’s your name he goes well that depends my a guy because it matters I bad the name Taco Bell chris porter my whole life not once is someone come up to me and said hey man that’s a great name cuz it’s not what happened it’s longer ten Hertz some shit like that this guy chose fresh border and I want to know why was he had a show did he yell some shit out at me did I embarrass him and now he’s like that guy from now on when I take a dick fresh borders take my if that’s the case he wins it’s not an.
Arena I’m prepared to enter basically what I’m getting at is if you’re looking for me on the internet you see a man with tattoos on his chest dicks in his face it’s not my website odds are you’re gonna need a login on I think we need to put our phones down and start living life again grown tired of hanging out with people in the entire time you hang out with them they’re on their phones texting someone who hasn’t driven to see them you don’t think I can’t see on your phones out the audience you and your goddamn mind it’s a darkroom and your face lights up like about to tell ghost stories or some shit it’ll make you look cool anymore I know it’s not 1987 okay everyone’s got one I saw a homeless guy with an iPhone last week there’s a three but still they’re not a status symbol all right you can take them off your belt now I don’t know why you need a phone on your belt did you buy pants without pockets are you in some other douche bag and I have a dual sin I got 4G Facebook makes us boring I know it’s fun keep it up with your friends but now when you guys physically hang out you got dick to talk about because you’re posted every goddamn thought Breck Timoney I don’t lie to you about your party you poster ninety seven pictures of it it’s like a goddamn flip book I get it Tammy got wasted I got friends I haven’t seen in three years still annoying the shit out of me oh I just put my kids to bed now I’m cleaning the refrigerator are you shitting me would you bring that up in a conversation that you clean the refrigerator I’ll punch you in the face let me tell you something I asked what you did last night and the extent of your activity was cleaning the refrigerator your proper response is nothing you start telling me refrigerator cleaning story that shit better go somewhere like hall and then I found a brick of cocaine I didn’t know had I made thirty thousand dollars last night it was a good night that fridge was filthy but that coke was clean it’s a Grateful Dead we’re a part of a generation I don’t understand it’s just obvious I don’t look like someone my age I look like I walked out of an Allman Brothers photo so I’m sorry I got a size 13 foot you put skinny jeans on me I look like a putter all my friends are getting tattoos and piercings which is get it tattoo get nine tattoos I just don’t think you need a sleeve of tattoos cuz I hate to be the one to break this shit to you you’re gonna grow old that shit ain’t gonna look right no you’re gonna be grandpa dark arms and all the grandkids are gonna have questions like what the ‘s wrong with your arms grandpa they’re gonna say what the to you cuz that’s the kind of family run you’ll have to explain yourself to an eight year old well I used to be a serpent then my liver spots came in so I just tell people it’s a run over cheetah that’s the tribal tattoo grandpa what tribe are you I’m in the tribe of guys who had one hundred and fifty dollars in the mid-90s we’re a massive tribe we’ve nearly conquered LA Fitness pierce it up get all the piercings you.
Want cuz that shit will grow back when you’re done being mad at whoever you’re mad at the gauging of the ears I don’t get if you don’t know what gauging is that’s where they stick disks in their earlobes to make the holes in their earlobes and bigger till it’s a giant you to a job with benefits you retirement I’m a working hot.
Topic till I die luck you don’t hang out with my friends with those big-ass holes in the ears you probably wake up with two dicks in your face look at him he’s a stormtrooper look at him look down your ear Dave I’m your ear do you feel like a rebel now why would you make the holes that big if you don’t want someone putting their dick in it you and your friends gonna get together make a shower curtain one on a date with a girl she’s gorgeous smart but she’s a vegan so that’s over before it started what do you say to a vegan on a date other than hey stop crying I’m trying to eat I got nothing against you vegans god bless you if you’re here you don’t eat meat you don’t wear animals fine that’s your prerogative I’m just saying stop looking at me like I’m an because we were here first there were no vegans 40 years ago you know why they all died in January that’s why now when I’m eating mistake don’t boo and hiss at me cuz we are not the only species it eats me when you see Tigers attack a gazelle you don’t see a bunch of hippie Tigers off to the side I can’t believe I’m wearing this no they’re eating the meat you know why cuz meats delicious that’s why I’d eat more vegetables but they taste like they came out of the ground I don’t care what it is it’s delicious all eating I’m not racist in the least but if I found out Mexicans tasted like steak I’d be at the border like ghetto I’m being a Home Depot parking lot just picking them on this is easy they’re just walking right up to it who wants steak its carne asada with thank y’all very much Kansas City god