you San Francisco people you need to name yourself properly I got in trouble because I came here and I want hey San Francisco there’s a lot of races here I want to go find the beaters so I look on a map right I see little Japan I go that’s not where we hang out that’s obviously little Japan I saw Chinatown that’s obviously but Chinese people hang up I saw Russian Healey went that’s where the Russians hang up I kept looking on the map for something beaner and then I went oh there’s where the beaners hang out obviously gospel.
Even in the game of restaurants man I’m.
Going to go hang out with meters and a hot penny right like what is the beater.
I don’t know but you got it here.
You got a left in it and ain’t nothing wrong with that that’s where we go I saw some the other day I thought was unbelievable I don’t know if you know this but they opened up in bourbon in California a little Center for the wetbacks to hang out in front of home leave all across the three yes so they don’t have to stand in the rain it’s got a little kitchen in an office the wetbacks are spoiled right there hey why don’t you go outside I don’t cook all me said the office they got a little.
Drive-through you show up they’re like what do you need um I need a three people to do my roofie no calling three Mexicans.
Welcome to Harmony box can I teach you order please I need you guys to do tile who Mexicans.
Getting a harness our welcome Puma growls can I take two or three oh yeah I.
Need somebody to clean my porta potty oh yeah send a guy from his mother come on.
Look at the white people like what Mexicans are yeah we want to let we know that under that and come along because there’s hierarchy.
You’re not just Peter there’s levels like you’re white people there’s you white people then there’s what they’re gonna different Asians you.
Know this is a big agency and nobody knows more than you because of your Chinese you’re on top if you’re Vietnamese you’re pretty much the members of that community.
Do you go to a whole the Chinese people go home no you’re Japanese and you bring.
Home of the enemy’s lover your family’s like hogwash and if you’re a Filipino.
You’re the beaner of the Asian community.
Mr. just like us you’re indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards that’s why you have names like punk baby then thought oh what good would you be.
Del Toro or quantity power cut see it’s.
Cool – laughs – this honesty right we don’t have that we have stupid people that they’ve opened up across the street long people guess what they said in the city of Burbank they got together and they’re a city and they’re like we need to get rid of that because that is the reason that illegal aliens are coming over to this country oh yeah that’s why they’re coming over this country because before they built that office wetbacks were an iguana cholesterol not until ADA’s office I’m gonna send it from the.
Kong people you like that know what’s.
Wrong with people well if we take it down they’re gonna stop coming no they’re not think you dumbass it’s like the fence that leads across the Mexican American border why don’t we have a fence when we just put a permanent line and that’s it this is the border my friend well because it’s supposed to stop the Eagles from coming into this country really well guess what not working is.
The friends is not gonna work you think some guys are just spent three weeks going to the jungles of Nicaragua girls el salvador dali’s what Amala all the way through Mexico is going to get to that friend single no get away.
Now we have to move enough we have to go back you know what they said in.
California I saw it on c-span people we vote for here’s what they said um I propose that we kick all the illegal aliens out of this country then we build a Super Friends so they can’t get back in and I went um who’s gonna build it.
If the wetbacks are gone they’re going forward maybe what we should do.
Is make a build offense first then kick them up they’re already near the border when they’re finished just go man this side was perfect how does the other side look I don’t know maybe go checking when they caught.
But high looks good any type don’t because what I think I could see and.
Some of the beaners didn’t want to laugh cuz wait the went back sir come on what what.
Don’t worry come back right back here so people I like teaching lessons this way instead of here you shouldn’t do that I say the opposite white people please kick all the wetbacks under this country please because I want to see what’s going to happen tomorrow so you don’t get it you think black people are going to go to the San Joaquin Valley and start picking again.
When Peters ours on trust me black people in Oakland ain’t gonna be like man we gonna move to the walkie mother ain’t gonna happen.
Like people are gonna find themselves in Fresno picking frost going we you don’t.
Know which is hewing Carlos shut up I.
Was in Mexico I see all these people up break they’re not stupid did you know that in Cabo San Lucas there is actually a home depot I swear to god I’m like there’s a home depot here and then I went inside the home depot but there was nothing inside completely empty it was just the facade and then I looked outside and there were Mexican standing out front there was nothing inside but they were all quiet and then I realized it’s a training facility.
Hello where to go.
Whole table and see here’s the thing.
About racial issues that bothers me when you give me the negative and not the positive or you tell me that I’m this and then you pretend that I’m not like when I say Home Depot everybody in this room thinks one thing cleaner we all think beaner guy hang out in front of home people and I don’t have a problem with that you know where I have a problem with when I turn on NASCAR and the dude driving of Home Depot car is white that pisses me off white people.
That’s our car bitch you put a finger in the home people car we need to be trying that white people white people should be.
20-minute car sponsored by salty see this more people laughing and stupid people I don’t matter flame why so T’s Carlos sa l teaser.
Would become you didn’t get it sorry I’m.
Sorry now you know why I hate stupid people because they slow the show down it’s like we’re on a comedy bus going 90 miles an hour but I gotta pull over continually fell off the back of the bus.
Go the bus down I have my book back.
Why do you gotta inject like racing a lot of your jokes cause cuz waste makes things funny a black guy driving NASCAR not funny a black guy driving a car.
Sponsored by time not funny a black guy driving a car sponsored by answer my mom hilarious a black guy driving a cars.
Motto by Church’s Chicken I don’t care what’s the pet here will be like when you’re a sloth and the funny thing is this white people in here want to laugh what you like that I stand people watching me right now and I don’t feel comfortable look-alike people at home I.
See opportunity that’s what I see I want.
To be the rain s Cup I called them up I said I want to be an owner of a team actually you need a driver and a sponsor I said I got a driver his name is Julio they said what’s his last name why he didn’t want to tell me and I don’t want to push the issue I’m gonna.
Have a car sponsored by spic and span.
My cousin he’s badass when my car pulls into the pit my crew is going to jump out of the car and where the hell did it.
Come from we’re going to be using other people’s equipment hi that’s my pyre you know car.
Your name on it you know freshly learn it you know how.
We’re supposed to stay within the lines in x-cart my car’s gonna drive halfway across the other line hi man that is a line that you are supposed to respect yeah I was supposed to respect the border table hey I’m still here.
But we got to pretend we got a don’t say stuff that’s like that consider two on the edge Carlos so what is that it well you know people’s feelings are gonna get hurt I don’t care soldier tonight is dying so that we could have freedom of speech in this country.
Even of coffee we don’t want to talk about what they feel anymore because we’re so scared we’re so scared what are people going to say about me so I’m going to be politically correct like the Minutemen you for those guys but we’re here at the Mexican border protecting our country because terrorists might cross that border and we need to make sure that that’s cannot not occur really well then I don’t believe you I think you just don’t want weapons in your country and I would respect you more if you just said it’s not about that it’s about security really you love this country so much you want to secure its border from terrorists yes sir and you need to leave the Mexican border and go to Canada because that’s where the 19 hijackers cross you piece of shit get your ass up there please let the long and go miss with the walk back let the Mexican to.
Patrol the border anyway you’re like what are you talking about Carlos look at me do you want to know who doesn’t want Middle Eastern terrorists across that border went back south of the border because as soon as one guy crosses that border of glow something up in this country you know it’s going to happen we will close that border down for the military and nobody will ever cross and you know who knows that Mexicans in Mexico they know that that’s why in recent months five groups of illegal aliens of Middle Eastern descent have tried to cross the Mexican border and they all got caught you know how they got cut as soon as they cross the border the wetbacks went up to immigration and with a senior they know sneakers manage.
Look at where we are now scared don’t say that why do you do that white people telling jokes behind our backs because you are afraid that I’m not gonna get it no you tell it to my face I don’t like this new age white man that because you don’t have the balls to say what you feel you want me not to say what I feel I don’t like I like the old white man he had a plan he had something in mind he had this in mind she knew but he understood she used to say things like you got to break tonight to make an omelet yes today it’s like you got to break an egg to make an omelet not if you use egg beater I like the old white.
Man landed on Plymouth Rock there were people already here a pilgrim went up to the captain and send me Lord there’s people already here we cannot create a society upon which one already exists we must return back home to England and he said shut up we’ll kill him take their sheep and call it Thanksgiving.
That’s what you do people white people.
You killed all the Indians and then when they die you and oh my god there goes to help what are we gonna do now who’s.
Gonna do all the work we don’t want to go the white man never flinch come here build some boats he look at the white.
People no that’s not what happened that’s how it happened no we invited black people on the cruise and it didn’t work out yeah that’s what happened black people on the boats cool and then I will make my brother roll out of his own crew this is wrong man you.
Know why I like you old white man because he wasn’t racist he was racial.
White people have killed white people in this country once when we fought against England and twice when we fought against ourselves that’s how I love that white man he was awesome he knew when we got.
To change things that’s what happened North went to the south and said hey man all men are created equal is a fundamental building block of what this country is all about just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s not a man you must let him free you must allow that man to be free and the race is south when will Beach you wanna take that a link it’ll know you want my nigger to go free you’re gonna have to shoot me but.
So now I do talk about Native Americans and people go home the donkey talks about those people Carlos because everybody pretends we care about Indians everybody does we care Carlos nobody does there’s not a person in this room or watching this show right now that is playing house because you want to give it to an Indian because you feel sorry for them because you took their land not one of you what you pretend I don’t want to 11 oh no you know I don’t care I’m sure there’s some Indians in here right now don’t come up to me later crying talk about they took our land yeah should have fought smarter you gotta.
Know when to hold em and know when to fold the baby you don’t go too far war.
Mexico water smart or the mexican-american war is that long why cuz Indians they just fought for too long why people went a bitch.
Indians were like we can’t Eko.
Mexicans thought they could kick while s2 talking smack please listen you’re right man you will go down you will go down and be wrong on my bullet you will know what it is to begin my magic hand and then white people wear what you little brown bitch okay BYE MOM time out time out so long come on no no.
No you’re getting it ready we were like wow no okay white man is longer you.
Can keep believing you can’t keep it we living no you can keep really willing and then a little Mexican kitchen coffee where are we going.
They’re gonna build a home people then we come back and the one in Burbank is.
Gonna have an off day and that’s what we.
Did we left the country and they went it stood by the border and one of them said okay we want to have to stay here until I see the time when I see the time I go like this everybody goes see some of your lovin and going whatever it is there’s no sign the other was and the white men knew that sign would come and he was prepared for it was in the mid-sixties check the Mexican migration in the United States began largely in the mid-60s what happened in the mid-60s I’ll tell you what happened black people looked at white people said listen man I’m tired of you treating me the way you do man you make a brother go run fast and bring back gold medals for this country then you treat me like a second-class citizen well it ain’t happening no more in the advantage is over we ain’t going to the back of the bus we ain’t drinking out of no water found you understand me I will be going to school with your daughter and when she finds out how big my penis is it’ll ****.
And my black people will never ever go out on the field and keep for your white ass no more the white man never even flinch you don’t have to who know Tommy.
You’ll get it one of those people.
Oh we’re scared.
Don’t say that Shh woody don’t do that.
It’s kind of comes up to me the other day so Jacque was a man you should come a chill on the little Easter stuff so what you know that crazy Carlos shut up you need to be a real American and read your history and know who you are don’t be ashamed and this Willie stirring I overheard he goes a you should listen to him said what I’m talking to you well I’m just saying well I’m just saying want to scare me you don’t know who I am I’m not lying I don’t apologize for what my country did to become great you understand that I know what it’s done and you don’t know me oh no my people are crazy that’s a bitch your people in crazy you don’t know what crazy is white people are crazy so you better rest assured that if you don’t kill you gonna get it you understand me and then he got pissed off anyone no I don’t get it you better remember we blew up two of your buildings whoo and we blew up two of your countries you wanna play this game back.
Yes miss nothing when he blew us up the blacks and Hispanics and the white people would fight but look at me we’re united we just fight with each other cuz we got nothing better doing we like trauma but as soon as I Smith blew something up it was like Blackie barking cracker wonder twin powers you.
Don’t know me he goes we have killed.
Thousands of people I’m like bitch we’ve killed millions you better relax before.
We shoot you up and open a casino and.
You’re gonna be saying things like double down below double down because my.
People are looking for an atomic bomb and when we get it we just might use it whoo you looking for an atomic bomb when.
You might use it look at me you dumb ignorant piece of shit my people who have those bombs that you seek and guess what bitch we already use it come on and.
If you don’t believe me call Japan they’ll connect you with a man with three penises and fireball how we create a pain.
He dropped too long Anagha sake in hiroshima and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons would be Enola Gay do you know why because we wanted them to know that they were about to get owned and dude I’m afraid the pill I.
Won’t you cut off your balls and melons or some and tell them hey terrorist person you want I’m terrified what do.
You do Carlos aren’t you afraid to fly no I’m not the only reason they took.
Those planes in the first place because we were taught in this country to be pushes remember that if anybody tries to hide your plane just do what they tell you that’s what happened with the first three planes remember the fourth one would happen there oh hell no bitch Oh.
You want to be saved so I Southwest it will never hijack that.
Airline people that fly that either in our little ear you want to breathe you’re the kind of people that you go can I sit next you and they don’t know can you hear me I’m gonna go to the back.
Sorry I didn’t mean to bother you there’s a difference between able to fly that errand and people to apply others here’s the difference on one of the other airlines not too long ago a man would see four plastic explosive in his shoe was trying to ignite it he was trying to kill everyone on the plane they saw him they beat his ass they.
Subdued him the plane landed the floors open up the cops came in and they took him to jail that’s what happens on normal Airlines with normal people let me tell you what happens on Southwest before 9/11 understand that pre 9/11 a.
Plane was midair and a guy yells out I’m going over the top big door started running toward the front of the plane maybe his ass too they subdued him to the plane landed the doors open up the cops came in he was dead that’s the Business School people he will kill you the cop came in.
And they were like I don’t know what happened he was in the back talking.
Smack and he runs to the front keep it and make me some blue shut up Julio.
You’re gonna criminate soulfulness let.
Me talk to the police I know how to communicate with these people up in own cops let me tell you what happened.
Oh can you accept the one head I will.
Kill you see this guy was in the back of.
The blade haha I’m going to open the cockpit door this beaner don’t understand what completely underneath he running me he’s bad was slightly protruding into the I said bad was tripped upon by the man running toward the front of the play he fell and landed on that black man shoe that would explain a foot prints on his neck.
And then he turned blue and you know.
He’ll we tried to give him the Heineken moon over but he wouldn’t get him see.
The smart people out looking at stupid people I have a Heineken maneuver a Heineken mile car what do we do we spend.
Money on things we don’t need to air marshals we spend millions of dollars on air marshals why we don’t need our marshals with guns who might shoot somebody in the middle of a flight bullet doesn’t hit them and then the depressurisation is going to occur in a cabin is going to fall apart that’s not what we need what we need to do is let the people that fly Southwest flight other airlines that’s all we need to do.
Here’s what I would do I live in LA I would go to Southwest Airlines and go hey look like I why kind and the beaner come here yeah I know where you’re going we’re just going to put you on another airline that’s it and I’ll submit look at me I dare you I dare you to hijack a plane in Los Angeles and tell a black guy that you ain’t gonna land in Oakland.
But we’re scared we’re scared and we.
Don’t think anymore we don’t even think we just react as people tell us terrorism hi you might get hijacked man terrorism hi I’m Micha haja that’s what.
We do you know how you know that it’s a new threat across a one-way street without looking both ways and you’ll see because they told you as a kid look both ways and halfway through the street your brain starts going hey maybe you should look at the other side and the smart.
Part of your brain goes but stupid ass the traffic is coming from that direction and the other side’s like but what if somebody’s crazy Anna coming from the other side my mother is still.
Mad on me from when the Pope died she calls me up when the Pope died meanwhile we have to go to church and pray for him like a mom it’s the Pope really we don’t need to pray for him at school to stay home no mijo he needs our help like mom you’re Catholic you believe that the Pope is the holiest person on earth you believe that he actually talks to God well he does well if that’s Trump in there huh he’s in heaven he doesn’t need your help if the Pope.
Needs help getting into having you and I are fed do you understand that what is whether to reap at the pearly gates gone what’s a bitch gotta drink it in this.
We’re gonna flip for the pool look breaker me when I got you light every candle you have in your house I’m gonna be in hell getting boned by the devil.
Tell me – why don’t you tell me the joke.
About the Pope that’s why you’re here.
Let’s pray for the Pope Carlos yeah let’s raise money for Bill Gates – the.
Pope is in heaven finally getting some good pussy he hustle me when you come.
You know no not no can I go with.
You and our card oh and you know why you can’t go with me on that one because you’re not thinking all you heard was *** God that’s all you heard you didn’t hear what I was talking about did you I’m not talking about the Pope the Pope 80 something years and he never had *** 80 something years he gave up Conner pleasures 80 something years of life of certitude toward the large so that you and I could see what that is like and now that this poor man has given up all of that and he’s dead in heaven you selfish bastards want the glory guide to still not get laid how dare you I hope he’s looking down on me from heaven right now yes.
I bring a hooker from house so he could dirty cuz he shouldn’t be holding.
Angels in the ass that is not knife and I do not condone that behavior more angels are gonna be flying all crooked instead what’s the matter he put it in.
My culo no cause the devil bitch come here cool backpack on us I wanna be that’s holy.
Calm bitch back to hell wanna fake alright I might have gone a little too far.
Oh hey the guy over here boy you need to.
Know your religion maybe I know Marc when I make mistakes all I have to do as a Christian of Catholic faith is and.
Guess what I’m forgiven like an etch-a-sketch never happened for the.
Young people that would be control the lead some you’re like what’s let you.
Catch why if he’s making a microphone.
Who we don’t think we don’t think we.
Just go our Father that art in heaven we thought about that yes like he’s our Father is he is he your mother maybe well why would you say mother Carlos well because that’s what religion does today it takes women out of the equation that’s why most of the books that we pray to are written by men like Mohammed and Peter and Luke and Paul and Ringo.
I think wrote one to come you get it some you we will not follow the voice down not a man I was got to be a man but.
I’ve seen the world the world is so beautiful to be created by a man and if you don’t believe me who to need to do and sort of her life get some sparkling goggles and go in the water and see the beautiful yellow fish with a black stripe and the black fish with a yellow stripe and the red fish with an orange stripe and the orange fish with a fuchsia stripe and then you look at that and you know men would never create all those colors God is a.
Woman or he’s gay if God was a man the polar icecap would.
Have God written in yellow on the top.
Was see the guy over there and he said.
It’s not true why would you say that how.
Do you know you know how you know because you want to believe it because your selfish prick wants God to look like you that’s right no sir.
Yeah she is you know how I know because no matter what you do in your lifetime you will never ever be as close to humanity and children as your wife will no matter what you do it doesn’t matter what you do you don’t believe me I’ll give you a story a man is praying please God give me a kid and I want him to be a strong boy and God gives him a boy God says here you go and then little boy is born and that man holds that little boy in his head until he can stand and then he shows him how to walk he gives him a football and she was a miner passing she shows him everyday how to pass that but behind three step 5 step 7 step drop he shows them how to throw the bomb gonna throw the out how to throw the hook how to throw the corner he shows this little kid everything that he needs to know about how to be a great quarterback he even moves from one city to the other so that kid could be in a better high school when that kid goes to college and that man is still every single game that dad is right there and he’s in college getting better he wins Heisman Trophy he ends up in the NFL five years later he ends up in the Super Bowl they win the Super Bowl he gets the MVP of the Super Bowl and when the cameras come up to him and say you got anything to say to the camera I love you mom you must take my friend don’t just talk.
Think we just do does it church the other day in our priest was like we’re going to watch The Passion of Christ so I wanna Toro and father can I go mom I really don’t need to watch Passion of Christ it’s cool right he said well I was actually looking you know for you to be somewhat of an example it was like but dude I’m a.
Christian I already know why I’m a Christian I need to sit down and watch some actors in fake blood to know why I come to church sometimes and he’s like.
Please help out Carlos so fine I helped out right I’m sitting down and then these two ladies are pissed at me because I’m not crying and they’re pissed at me and then they go excuse me sir why aren’t you crying sir I’m like cuz I read the book bitch keep bothering me.
And I’m gonna ruin the end game since he.
Goes I feel sorry for you are not touched by Jesus Christ and I got pissed I said look at me look at me just because I don’t want to watch this movie with the enthusiasm that you do because you don’t know the story don’t you ever say anything majoring like that to me again I am NOT touched by Jesus Christ listen to me I am a beaner which means a long time ago I used to pray to the moon the Stars the earth the air the Sun the water and fire and you showed up with a Bible and permission from God so the Pope and the Vatican who killed whoa savages unquote and did not believe in your Bible and message not only did you kill many people not only did you eradicate my people kill my culture and get my goal but my people are the only people that name kids 10 soon so.
And then I heard the voice of Jesus tell that stupid lady but it wasn’t her suits it was my cousin cancels from the back I thought it was the real Jesus too but it was just my cousin I owe my truly turn.
Out stupid when Jesus died at my movie.
Theater everybody started crying how do you how do you die didn’t cry I don’t get it people have it I was like why are you crying because Jesus died yeah but we’re Christians this is a happy day not a sad day you see if Jesus doesn’t die we wouldn’t be singing the songs that we sing for Christmas well what would be singing we’d be singing um Oh Conoco Chanukah that’s what we’d be singing stupid see how come you know I don’t get it how.
Stupid can you be everybody’s crying and so I’m like hey he comes back I swear to God he comes back this movie has a happy ending.
He died on Friday battle he comes back one Sunday and that’s why we hide the air.
By the way what do I have to do with Jesus Christ I understand Christmas three wise men.
Show up with a gift I love you symbolism all of you here’s a gift symbolism I get that can be actually happen there’s somebody walk up to somebody else and go hey did you hear Jesus rose from the dead Heidi eggs hi.
Deann we got a trick Jesus maybe a cleaner purple put up in the park drink Jesus tell everybody to spread the word from now on eggs come from rabbit wine.
So he doesn’t beat the chickens poop and a hole and some of you are laughing good.
For you some of you are afraid to laugh I’m scared turtle I’m scared don’t be scared God wants you to laugh God has a sense of humor and if you don’t believe me tomorrow go to Walmart angels look at people anybody that can clean midget is.
Hilarious midgets are God’s Way a bully.
Knock knock who’s there amen and Anna if you some of you.
Are laughing what are you afraid they’re gonna run in here and kick you in the shin well for Christ’s sake one of the midgets going to be on Market Street later on going home but see we.
Were afraid to speak like that in our world because we’re afraid people are nothing like me people are good you Manning me gonna help Colonel minimum down you know it’s about being real.
It’s about listen I’ll give you a story the other day okay I was doing this DVD.
Joke right you know what Dee today means it means stupid this lady gets all pissed at me excuse me sir if there was somebody severely retarded in the crowd right now I’m like well he’s severely retarded lady obviously he wouldn’t not okay with.
He probably had me thinking I’m doing impression with his friends from school mom he looks like Eric from classroom you need to put on your helmet of the Six Flags Magic Mountain waiting four and a half hours to get on the right called the Riddler four and half hours finally I was in the group that was going to get on but then the guy goes hold on sir and that’s like the saddest thing but then I looked when everybody sat down there was one seat in the back and I knew that it was mine so I was cool right he’s going to say one I’m going to see me booth that’s me so then he walks toward me right and I’m like Dillard I’m right here dude I’m right here but then he doesn’t make eye contact he just kind of walks toward me and he walks toward my right and then he opens up this little swinging door and then a dude in a wheelchair starts getting rolled up and then I realized that they’re going to put him in my seat and I’m like woah where the book at me going that’s my B pitch.
And you stop complaining I got a crab’s you can’t even feel your legs I’ve been.
Standing up you’re sitting down while you go to the front then people started.
Looking at me funny like some of you right now I ain’t like you if you ask for equality I’ll give it to you if you tell me that you don’t want equality I’ll give you that too but don’t do both and mix them up it’s like you women that’s what you do what do you come out on the new say we want to be treated like equals in the workplace no you don’t you want to be treated like a woman in the workplace and you want to get paid like an equal that’s what you want because when men treat you like equals what do you do you send us the sensitivity training bitch that’s what you do like everybody else that’s right you.
Can’t tell the same stories to the girls at work that you tell to the guys you can tell guys about the BJ you got in the weekend you tell the same story to Monica two days later you’re somewhere in a classroom writing this what I speak to Jennifer I will no longer say the.
Word vagina.
See what I mean bitches but that’s what.
People tell you no strings attached no strings attached and you believe that there are always strings attached and that’s why it pisses me off you don’t want any strength and tell me but that’s not how it works he wants to go to the front I say no I say you want to be equal to me then roll your ass to the back of the line bitch and wait for four hours that’s what I want to see I want to see you right behind me like this.
So then people like some of you that didn’t clap by now are looking at me like man that’s not cool Carlos I don’t care what you think cool is I don’t care I turn what is right and righteous that’s what I care about I said listen you want to be treated like an equal I’ll give you that you’d want to be treated like special I’ll give you that to remember like when you went to the DMV and you said I’m disabled and they said oh here’s your disabled placard that’s the same thing you want to be my equal roll to the back you want to cut in front of me then you must admit that you’re disabled you must tell everybody here that I am better than you that I am faster stronger and more intelligent and because I am I should let you get on that right before me and acquiesce to your desire as a lesser being than I and he looked at me anyway no sir I will not say that you’re better than me because curtain up and I agree bitch.
And he tried to kick me off but I pulled the feeder card and they couldn’t like.
You need to be laws and be Guillermo Boehner I’ll just get on the plane just get out today and everybody would have.
Been cool except for more outstanding that I could only see one see when I got closer they were actually – yeah exactly.
Guess why I had to sit next to the whole ride while I hear it’s what the hell.
Have got all about the vodka was only.
One seat left and they call me the.
Retarded one Hey and he’s like our.
Chicken will apologize to me and I said no because I didn’t do anything wrong I was right in the way I approached it though the outcome became this and he looked at me and said you are the cool person right cuz they’re brunette because those.
People think you’re mean but they don’t.
See me they see a wheel chair but not.
You you didn’t see the real chair you.
Just saw that I was trying to take advantage of you.
You made me feel like a regular partner.
And that’s what I was trying to go but.
You didn’t have to kick me in the chest bitch yeah you could have put your brakes you can have to roll down the hill on from and it would have been a.
Great story except we were on the Riddler a suspended roller coaster you know what those are the one where the track is up here the bars go across the seeds come down they put you on a harness the bicycle seat on your legs just kind of angle which isn’t a problem unless you’re sitting next to a pair who can’t control his head we hit the first.
Turn he keeps me in a head I thought we were friends dude he does it again quite a bit of things we’re beating the crap out of his trouble the whole ride we get to the end and he’s like that was bent right I got no food branch on my forehead I’m.
Like that was the fall he’s like you want to get on you to get like hell yeah but I sleep four and a half hours he looks at me and goes don’t worry bitch here with me.
I got on every ride like five times a day straight to the front no line guess who I was with.
Tell everybody where we’re going kind of throw pitches subscribe so my friend.
Who’s now my friend calls me up the other day from the hospital Carlos we’re doing a little show – so my.
Friend will you come over and be the host hell yeah a little show for some of your friends we’re probably going to do it in somebody’s room just have some fun goof off I love it love it you guys have cerebral palsy you don’t mean cerebral palsy a lot of people think that’s retarded it’s not it’s a neurological disorder up here they get all the jokes you know sometimes they laugh at the wrong time you know what I mean because that’s what it is they go laugh and there’s nothing and then two seconds later and then we do Dwight.
Laughing at the wrong leg so I’m gonna.
Go do a show for them this is awesome they’re my boys but nobody told me was this was a giant event a huge event this is a hospital that had like 5,000 disabled people Mike oh man shows up late they open the curtains I come out and it’s like a seal of Troy hose just like this but do it in a respirator right in the front row just.
Yeah who put Darth Vader in the front row I don’t know what a voice box has.
But there’s a guy in the back with one and every time I tell a joke I keep hearing only you renewing your Lena when you and yet now I’m getting pissed.
Hey who’s shaving doing my hair Oh in your wing the wing you in it it’s like my tickling me your mother’s so fat you.
Mother Kate a little battery bitch then you went away yelling yet everybody’s laughing their asses off but I’m not doing it digging a joke I’m not doing any of those my friend Benji yells up.
From the back 20 minutes into the show and Colonel do the retarded people tell it’s not the same when they’re scary when I ask you what is run impressions.
Not that good they would know.
What is my pressing stuff hey what no what if it’s good that my.
Prism on huh think about it what if I go.
And they’re like yeah are you making fun.
Of us bitch they’ll be chasing me come back come back yeah um yeah insensitive so I’m like I’m.
Not I’m not gonna do that joke then the kids with cerebral palsy right well they were like it was like you know a kid and then like everybody else looked like a dog but the guys are served apology they start going you will do did you just cuz your pussy and I just get called out by.
Our thing is how would you step in here and then let them eeny want you to joke but every other race and culture but you won’t do those jokes in front of us how cruel go ahead no come back for that because he was right I got a black joke that I can’t tell in Oakland I should not tell that joke to anyone at all if I got a white joke that I can’t tell if I got a gay joke that I can’t tell here I should never tell that job to anyone at all and he was right if you got a joke and you can’t tell it and for the people that it talks about then you have no right to tell that.
Joke anywhere else anywhere yeah bring it and I saw that but don’t get excited I was still scared but there were a lot of twists in the room I didn’t go full-on impression no sir I asked them is this okay well I didn’t ask them but instead of doing the impression I went like this and I want air and then with hair and.
They laughed just a little bit so that I went deeper and there was only like a little more and the more air I got the her hair they got so it started off with her and it ended with.
Everybody’s laughing their ass up when.
You’re when you’re winning windmill one yet they also pointing us as kidding tell me going Tommy Carlos is just like you Tommy got.
Suffers wheelchair egos everybody she liked uh-oh.
And everybody shut up guy in the respirator was like my boy in the bag.
Would lack me in LA I’m on stage going.
I’m going to hell i’m going to hell i’m on a half state starts just ranting not.
Funny no don’t ever say that to me again.
You never know I don’t look messy shit.
Which feel you rather look retarded in.
Mexican and then he goes haha got your.
Bitch oh I just got caught by core team and.
See how fun it feels to laughing because you’re supposed to knowing his ability in my show you are part of it because you are part of this human race but people don’t tell you that don’t do jokes but I really tell people cuz that’s me let me tell you what’s me the fact that there is handicap why is there cerebral palsy and cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy why I can’t tell you that but until then I’m gonna laugh with and act everyone and listen I think you should too don’t let people make you feel guilty everybody in this home should laugh handicapped oh hell you know what usually not only laugh for them you should go home look in the mirror and practice your impression yes you should because everybody in this room has used the handicap stall every single one of you what are you going to do when you’re taping a comfortable crap in that big-ass room and then you hear who the hell’s in there you’ve got to be kind of hell I hope you practice your impression.
You better coming out looking so quick or anything he’s like what the hell is wrong with you you’re so messed up I’m gonna use the Restless all you make me.
Feel regular I wasn’t one of those stalls in this guy not doing who’s in there and I came out doing my best impression he felt so bad that he when he do it I was only kidding and I was like oh my god me too.
That’s me being honest you know I’ll get emails about how insensitive I am but I’ll also get other emails from kids that understand what I’m saying for people with disabilities that get it and go thank you thank you thank you for making me not invisible but see everybody else were so scared what are people going to say well I have to be like everyone else I do know you don’t what you have to do is be honest with who you are find that thing inside of you that is you and be that don’t lie and do perpetrate I am sick and tired of ugly bitches wearing shirts that say cutie.
I will walk right up you give me that sad and small advertising you can’t be a.
Cutie when your face is on contra to.
Take para doctor away what everybody.
Wants to be somebody else everybody.
Wants to be somebody else with it they can love me so they can love me no like.
I said that I think God is a woman that’s nice on my behalf what are you doing turn your perpetrator you walk around talk about you don’t need a man what is that all about I never said I’m better than you but I got to do that to me all Carlos we don’t need men anymore yes you do okay yes you do because you’re a woman and I’m a man and see how some of the women here like must we don’t need you yes you do bitch you need me in order to have a baby because if you rub two women’s bodies together all night you know what you’re gonna get fire you lazy whore you kiss me and my penis being sorted inside of you and go here’s.
A baby pit.
Why are you women always trying to change a man why don’t you pluck your.
Eyebrows cuz I don’t suck thing can’t.
Even pick your nose why are you picking your nose because I got boogers you have a problem with that where are you going to put them on the side of the seat where I put all the other Lots it’s like a game that get crunchy then you click them off that’s more better yes every man in this one’s hearts every.
Man in this room has been in a pod contact every single man in this room.
Has crapped his pants there is not a man.
In here that has not done that sometimes we don’t even know when it happened sometimes we think up or under.
And go oh my god where does that come from that’s where the term holy shit.
Comes from I did not do that but see.
I’ll admit what I do see you women then.
It grows no or not you think we’re gross we’re not gross yet you are it’s just that what you do that is gross to us you don’t think is gross so let me enlighten you ladies on one of the gross things that you should never ever do I don’t care how long you’ve been with a man I don’t care if you’ve been married for 80 years it is never okay to use the toilet.
With the door open it is never ever okay.
You shut the floor I don’t want to know what you’re doing in there I would never want to know that anything comes out of there ever well how come cuz sometimes I eat at that restaurant bitch I am NOT.
Like some of you guys metrosexual.
Plucking your eyebrows get your gay ass out of my face I am a man and I do not.
Excuse myself for it when I sweat my.
Nuts get sticky and when thank you gotta get in there and mix it up and then you smell it bitch that’s a real.
Man and you want to bet crowd ever I will see you Oh.