to be here in Long Beach where Richard.
Pryor did it show 25 years ago in where I spent my 80s and 90s watching live in Long Beach is just phenomenal you know I’m ready you know I didn’t look at any notes because I just think it’s all in me and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted to do and it’s the right time for me and I could watch more ready and more excited 5 4 3 2 1 music.
Hey I’ll tell you must be successful you can get Mexicans to get out of their chair chin out cuz we never get up no I’m not gonna get on my feet can I have so look at my veins are popping out can I don’t want to stand up because they’re gonna take my chair and belong here with you I snuck a bottle in all the shit we do on our friend.
Yard sitting down you get like a all raggedy-ass chair you wanted the grass sitting down when you want the water to go far you go like this we’ll never get out of the chair rape watch a while look what we just moved to the corner look what’s going with us something’s going on with a go see what’s going on with the lady without the top was yelling I don’t know that she likes grapes or something hey I just want to thank you guys for coming out and this special is for all of you people and everybody watching at home and for Gene Wilder richard pryor all right Sunset Strip richard pryor Chevy Chase richard pryor did a special here 25.
Years ago that I watched every day and my grandmother would say he does a Negro well Kelly say you it was amazing ago is they donated couldn’t you know and then she would tell you things that you didn’t know when I was young I went out with that black guy but he didn’t talk like that he was nice peritoneal whene’er one jingis Amaya sometimes a night like it’s still feeling when sleep I the pair come ooon actually Jose and I won’t let that para a hurts and it feels good at the same time like when I was with him Lothos you know my grandmother is really the reason why I started to do stand-up she’s 84 now y’all thought you were worn out all my life you know and the one thing about all Mexican people’s they never want to admit that they’re getting old grandma you should use your cane I’m all right look at the web you can tell me I want to be looking at me that’s why I cover my bone with my dress eighty-four years old and she doesn’t want to use the oxygen she has oxygen Omni hook me I’m Mariah I can breathe you ever seen a fish that jumped out of the bowl and he’s laying up but when you fight she’s there and with my grandmother everything was grandma no you don’t even know what it is yeah but I know what it’s not and you Phone Galaxy couldn’t talk back now kids talk back in know won’t I want and mothers the digit they don’t even hit the kids listen you listen to hear I will not are you listening to me Dakota I’m talking to your sister Piper my grandmother gave me a boot awesome stand right here stand right here step.
why Ukraine why are you crying I Pool Table barely touch you I bet you can’t even touch him because we’re the wasters crying why are you crying my ear is bleeding look at it was bleeding before you got here I didn’t want to tell you why are you crying that that’s all the moms would say PA : why are you crying I Crossword Clue barely touch you I’m hit you for real come over here let me hit you for real Mira huh my grandma needs to hit me man for all kind I want ice cream you want ice cream No I scream makes me dizzy because me review one ice cream cone I got 31 flavors Akiko he was up one time when I was six she backed into me with the car she was back in a pang out and what does she say get out of the way.
And then we’re trying to bribe you to y8 you want go to McDonald’s you want go to McDonald then walk right you want go to McDonald’s then right walk right look at Lego twinkle Mina they don’t let kids that walk like that into McDonald’s whopper look a show up you can’t even touch him with a car because run away and now that I grew up and I made it she’s all in denial I never hit you liar I can’t believe that you tell that people I used to hit you wanted me to I’ll get your hair and I’ll pull it I got arthritis I can’t grab you no more peddle because you know the fact that kids get it now my daughter’s almost eight never been hit maybe once my wife doesn’t know maybe once just to see how but only white mothers are ever arrested in America for beating their kids amateurs amateur they don’t know how they don’t see the cameras as a hidden camera you see a coat Cortney you get in the car Mexican Mother’s miracle run I know the cameras there what yeah but they can hear me Mira when we get home the violin on potassium I can already feel it in my hand I can feel I’m gonna come off the ground I’m never take you in the change room to beat your ass no I won’t come on we’re gonna go try this on okay don’t run come on yeah don’t run move your hand move your hand move your hand more you look I don’t get out you stepped on my corn you fucker boy your hand and then when you come out how did everything go it didn’t fit come on son everything was no Food Ideas birthday party no kid Star Wars birthday party be like alone you got a lot of things already you don’t need a party so you can show off not why you’re crying now No chucky cheese you want to see a mouse pull the refrigerator out mouse back there pull it out with the baby you some Best Friend happy birthday you Sam why are you crying now he went into the chair you son those better be tears of joy you saw and you know the thing is that she would never buy hot dog buns for whatever reason no I mean Italo Carlotta local get a piece of bread and fold it dennah piece of bread and fold Amira is the same shit the same shit whenever she wanted to make a point she said everything twice back along is the same shit that st. Peter Roman meal sauce hot dog bun but she would always buy the Franks you know but you know Mexicans don’t call them phrase your white people Oh John I think we should get some Franks get the ballpark because they plump when you cook them fantastic what a Mexicans do a fail go get some go get some weenies Mira get the whinnies one that gif fat when they one time I had one and it got big you remind me of the nigga when was I didn’t even want to eat it I just.
Looked at it I got it in the freezer go look when it was your birthday that’s what you’ve got cut up weenies with scrambled egg and tomato sauce Stevie Wonder birthday happy you didn’t get a bike Star Wars happy birthday and you Galaxy S3 couldn’t talk back say what yell at you man I don’t know means get back mitt up get the hell out of here because right now I got one strike I got to burn if I were you I’ll get to help get the Hat and you Couldn’ T couldn’t talk back all we can do is this you walk away and you’d watch y’all talk to yourself I can nerd to nut as always we do I can’t do daddy I didn’t hear you are saying that damn I’ll go get I can’t wait for her to die I live in the streets he thought I don’t carry e man and who I felt sorry for growing up because my grandparents raised me tough was the dogs that we had be cheap Mexican dogs you know I got a Chihuahua named Chico and I got him from Upland California from a duplex I found him in the paper poro Vario house man duplex dirt driveway $450 I went in there and I try to pretend you know I just was regular dude walked in the lady canes chancla you ever seen ladies walk out of the slippers they walk you want to see that done man I’m following what I have rollers because I’m going out tomorrow night so I see Chico is black white and I wanted a Chihuahua so $450 I buy him so he goes from a duplex to Golf Course pebble beach by college you I got a house in Pebble Beach I’m reaching gonna pay over he dumped me that dog is luckier than me but he barks and Mexican when you hear dog bark you touch her all day there’s nobody there it’s quiet and since he’s Mexican is Chihuahua all right but the Scout be you don’t want me to bark when somebody comes here I’m gonna see shit you want all the money is in the Nike.
Box in the closet a community say that I moved on my bar you get mad be like that be like cuz that dog is the only dog we ever paid for I never paid for a dog before the way we got him was we sat in the front yard drinking on a Sunday and a dog would go by Murata Juanito ala did he have a collar if you don’t have a collar get him when he comes back go get a weenie and get tear it in pieces till he follows you in the Bekaa give it another way and those dogs weren’t like members of the family like in white people’s families you know they’re reaching the Christmas card the family I saw this lady I worked they had a picture of her dog with a Christmas hat on and his legs were open peachie that’s biscuit yeah I can see thirty two hundred dollar bill from the she was crying how could you put a price he’s like a member of the family I’ll put a price on his ass our dogs Mexican dog when they were get sick you would see him in the backyard 13 hours with a fly in each eye Mira go-go-go some 7up food vixen is chess bollocks sana colita de Rana look a he’s moving if the dog was really sick we just took him for a ride you know when it got dark we took him for a ride but we always took him to a better neighborhood me that I wouldn’t Oh get him out right now all the cars I painted the same color with the pain and then people would say what happened to your dog he died while you saw him no you didn’t say he died dogs were just dogs they never went to the vet we never went to the doctor you think the dog was gonna go to the vet I heard we will not go to the doctor that’s why please instruct your kids teach them how to dial nine-one-one because I know a lot of people probably left their kids with their moms grandmothers and I’ll tell you this older Mexican people aren’t in the best physical condition babysitting is this hey be where I can see you my uncle had a heart attack and the only two people around were two three-year-olds so he’s all crouched up on the couch I can’t breathe hi there and they’re making fun of him deal I can break I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe a camping I can’t even breathe I can’t even breathe I can’t even be a bull I can even be right go get your deer we’re not gonna laugh no more we’re not gonna laugh hey Turner gonna pin a machete and I can’t breathe hey don’t tell I got pen a machete and I can breathe and he’s like there so your tears outside talking to the lady into the house with the fence and they already told your whole life not to interrupt so there you are what do you want oh um grandpa told me to tell you that he wants the ice-chest what so they come in the house and there you are 30 now I wasn’t matter Vica I got a pin in my shed I can’t breathe so when you need them all the shit that you’ve done wrong comes out and now she’s like Oh you got a pin in your shoes and you can breathe also I’m not stupid no more huh I can’t hear you I can’t hear you say no I can’t hear you no shut up don’t yell me I’m right here so now you need me but before you don’t need nobody right you stay with me for the kids on but now you got a pain in your shins and you can’t breathe and now beautiful I’m not fat no more huh I can’t hear you I’m not fat huh you got a pain in you she don’t 2 Year fall asleep wake up you got a pain in your chest again I can breathe yes you can breathe hmm why don’t you call that bitch you were dancing at the party with last night call that bitch caller color you got the number color when I found it in your shoes fall color put the phone down put that leave him like that leave him but don’t get involved my business Raymond put the phone down you don’t know him he’s a faker new light there you snap on it turning blue bullshit leave him call 9-1-1 I don’t want people to know my hardcore but the best thing you can do.
Is just remember though the old days my I don’t live in the future man I’m stuck in the past I remember when things remember thrifty ice-cream was the best ice cream in the world you would go and you would ask your mom can you buy me a script when I’m done so then you had to follow her in the story when I’m Milliken when behave yourself or else nothing so then when you would leave she would start walking to the door hey away you did okay Mira here’s 15 cents here I’ll wait for you in the car and there was never anyone at the ice-cream counter and from the parking lot here Bob.
and the money would get hot in your hand can Ryan come to the iscope Connor please Ryan to ice cream but Ryan come to ice cream Ryan third time – scamper I am – the ice cream where are you Ryan here comes Ryan must boot look at hi do you want an ice cream no put on waiting for it to turn in the Rite Aid of course son of a bitch you know most families talk about good.
Shit well I graduated from Stanford and I was very successful law career Mexican eight-time about that time I got electrocuted a teller tell her hey sighs get my feet were wet and I touch the wire hey you know what size cake hey I got up.
A I got up and I didn’t spill my beer hey because when the electric.
Went through body my mind told my hey you got a Heineken I live here I saw the light but it was a.
Van coming born you know why cuz we never hire electrician Mexican we get shot all the time you plug in the lamp we all have a lamp that you tried to throw away for 20 years pick a line bought a poem peel your Sunday you’ll be driving to a neighborhood stop son oh look at me right I thrown away i’ll and I want it oh my gosh the only toe almita you don’t have a cord but it’s nice but you I can pretend to read Mina look at my eyes pretending the lights on and now I turn it out too so the lamp is always on and it doesn’t have a shade it’s just a ball and when the ball burns out you know we don’t know what kind of light my grandfather was from Mexico he put a halogen light and I told cuoco I don’t think oh look I don’t think I don’t want that and you can hear the left hold the bottom hold the bottom it’s gonna fit me it’s gonna fit you know and he turned it on as a chirping fucker the roaches they were holding hands to get out the antennas were seared I’m blind but you couldn’t tell them anything kamekona here is a halibut I’m seeing dots but the light was always on because you didn’t have an alarm system in the house so the light was alarmed when you went to Las Vegas a leader lie down so they think somebody’s home and as I get put that radio low so that.
they see the light and they hear the radio they know somebody’s home but they don’t like the radio loud so the light was always on and then the bulb is about 2,000 degrees because it’s never turned off so you lean in now you got a round circle dot and it smells like gotten in that room hey save me some remember that one save me say what you guys eating save me some what do you got there huh rice save me some so you burnt and then at the BBQ on Sunday your grandma a Kyle don’t come over here what Tori about tattoos what do I tell you about tattoos they you don’t like them that I don’t like him he told me you got a tattoo on your arm the other arm stupid who boss Sylvania don’t tell me you don’t.
Know who’s that bitch it’s una negra sylvania that’s a black that’s a black name Sylvania is no Luna negra don’t tell me she’s not black it says watch writer your arm he says 75 watts I don’t know the street.
But I know that town and they raised us to be insecure so when we grow up were the weight for me people you ever seen those anyway from me hey don’t go ahead don’t go ahead no for real wait for me you ever seen a Mexican without a jacket that’s cuz we’re afraid to go get one you’re not gonna away from me I don’t need a jacket how about going don’t wait for me it’s gonna be cold I don’t need a jacket if it gets cold like this wait for me go get a jacket now because you’re not gonna wait for give me your car keys and I’ll go and wait for me comes from the time we’re kids because all your mom is yelling at you eh hurry up because we’re not gonna wait for you Pam wait come on let’s go son of a bitch you got all day to shit in your shit right before we leave let’s go how come you’re late because mr. caca had a part of the bathroom son of a bitch I talk to shit outside it’s the same thing the same thing so when somebody travels by themselves that amazes me because Latinos don’t go now don’t go down the hall to get a blanket because the cuckoo is in the closet go get a blanket no I’m not gonna go it’s dying all Mexican people have a haunted room in their house you have a two bedroom house one room is on you got the living room the master bedroom and the goo-goo-goo green ow you ever run by and try to turn the light on when you’re running look at the stupid-ass turn the light on.
I’ll use my sweater as a blanket different people totally different we say hello differently do you know him you Simon gonna let that from far away I’ll give in say hi I wouldn’t like that you turned away before I came back up wait for me man wait for me completely different and the fact is that we are when we have a relative that’s the college special needs now you know I have a special needs child then with the one thing about white people that I admire they include them in the they bring with them Ron come with us this is my brother Ron I had a friend in high school that had a brother that was a special needs to hit him in the room in the back and I went into the change one day and I saw him I and my friend told me eight don’t tell up you to tell me I didn’t think.
You were gonna like me and if your special needs they get around in a wheelchair pitch electric they’re by themselves us we’re in the driveway fighting push your cousin push your cousin while Ukraine push your cousin you should be happy your legs workout or look at your cousin with your legs and he’s not crying we don’t know you don’t want to be seen now you walk like him you know cuz we will not go to the doctor I have an aunt the cuffs of bluntly and she’ll show you look at me who is coming out oh look and I’m dying Hey look at all the clinics I got in my first Hey you should go to the doctor no they’re gonna find something around here I rather not know when this my time is my closet because the one thing many people never do is make a will when somebody dies you got get to that house to grab shit before someone else what did you get all the good shit was gone I got a lamp with no cord I don’t know what to do all that shares were gone all those shares I told to save me coz we will make up words that don’t exist burly you know burly you know burly I’ll use it in a sentence hey how long have you been here shit we just barely got here and just everyone knows haired Eberly.
Did you hear him they barely got here how about I know huh last night you were all up anon you’re a Bissel drunk you started the car twice in the and you hear a knock it’s already on.
You know we’re just totally opposites.
What do you have to understand about Latinos is that we’re opposite of everyone else and I’ll tell you where I saw it I was in the market and a guy was backing up and he was gonna hit a pole in a Lexus SUV and a guy leaves his cart and runs oh my god hang on oh my god am I gone are your rear sensors not working you almost hit this pole oh my I ran 86 yards to stop you I’d get that to an authorized Lexus dealer soon as he stopped the dude from hit Nepal because he saw it happening Mexicans you know we would do we would stand back realized it hey watch what’s gonna then the flesh come out that the flesh.
and he hit the pole and bad you start laughing bottle chigger money look at his face look at.
His face chikka mati look at him and what do you yell and or somebody that can fix it nobody can load up a car like an old-school Mexican family you can fit 17 people in a 76 Monte Carlo now your cousin’s not going sit in the ashtray so then I said because I grew up you know and I said to my a grandma maybe we should take two cars oiler which I’m going to let’s take two cars then don’t go then don’t go why don’t we fill it up with gas tambien Baca Valle chinga give us all he start talking about taking took her we’re not going to a funeral cover and we’re going to that and once you fixed the house that was it what you got in the house was fixed and we would never buy a house unless I had a lemon tree what do you think of the house I don’t like it but can attend elementary well then we all have a lemon tree you ever throw shoes to get a lemon dad give me your sandals give me your sandals look I like lemon in my menudo give me your Sandow give me the White Pages phone book give me the Yellow Pages phone book where I live you know my neighbours have like they get have it they call it a harvest where they get their the ones from Home Depot Piper do you like a tangelo did you Mexicans out there with the I’m tired try it the way we get fruit is we don’t go to the store a guy comes to the street bah-bah-bah hey what’s a melons you want some melons bah you want some furniture huh what about the dude on the bike that sells he didn’t have a horn Eli.
seventy-five cents a corn with butter mayonnaise chili lemon well let you look around you ever sucked the thing when it’s over completely different thoughts you know we drink first of all we drink way too much hey I didn’t say it was a bad thing with those relax we drink hey and still why is still talking hurt that’s gay when our young you go to a kids party there’s more kegs a two-year-old birthday the two-year-old and right next to him your grandma’s pumping the cake I’m watching them I’m watching them we love the drink man cuz you know what it makes you Hey it changes you all of a sudden you start becoming more passionate sober nothing do you love me see man that’s why they want to bring you how come you never tell me you love me you know what Sasuke daddy I didn’t come here to be quizzed do you love me hey I’m here ain’t I where am I going where am I going all my tools at your mom’s house ain’t going insecure shit but when you’re drunk it all comes out first to get all the barrel you know babe I love you hey I love you a psyche and I’m not crying I’m frustrated and don’t leave because I’ll kill you just I when you’re in love I your family won’t tell you know nothing he hit certain Emily Shay she’s happy he’s got a nice car mater he takes you to work she can take a couple of scrapes numbre I told her to go like that so that’s why with Latino guys especially because our moms treat us like you know we’re princes man to carry us you know seven years old no he’s seven he can’t walk they put you down your legs don’t even form you like a newborn pony I tell you he can’t walk he 7 the women and the family do all the shit and the boys don’t do a thing so then when we grow up we’re detached.
Emotionally because you know we’re used to our mothers man do you love me hey don’t be a Sasuke if you don’t like it who took you to Red Lobster did I use a coupon all right then but now you see Latinas with white dudes married and children huh yeah I can’t blame him should they want to be homeowners to you stay with us you’d be renting your.
I told you when my mom dies we get the house that’s why I don’t work I gotta be what if she dies and I’m at work how am I gonna get the house and all the white dude has to do is bring over some good-ass liquor side some Salted Caramel crown royal and the mom I aim it up to the whole Northern Harvest crown royal nobody Mita I don’t know your name but to me your Cask 16 crown royal sit in that chair sit in a good share Crown I’m a letter on it throw yourself back to yourself the arms broken so throw yourself and if you have to get out sideways like that but why women because you’re ants oh no your answer like I may not get her home Jorge why Britney Spears come on Yemen and everything she has on they make fun if they just for look at the painted toes pain it.
Developer I could pay my toes to bitch I just don’t have the baby now they fell I don’t know what happened and when you go they charge you for 10 even if you don’t have that baby so I used to just paint the skin but it looked bad but from far away you couldn’t tell that it was skin but up close you could say look like sausage with red and they loved to dye their hair one thing about Latinas is now they have highlights on those highlights what’s up I had an aunt that was blonder than the I mean Platinum darker than me ha uh-huh with platinum and black but in her mind she was fine when she was young she was fine but then she got older she got fat she was little already but she was like 5 to 240 with jean shorts I you know when the cameltoe goes all the way from the front to the back via pick up the shards a little.
You’re just jealous with that why cause you’re jealous HM huh no man you’re losing your appetite but then and a halter top a hood you know when your teachings are smaller than your stomach that shit don’t look right though look at you but she thought everybody was jealous of her do you cover yourself why are you look at how it shakes after I stop and whenever drank she would dance by herself baptism I that’s my son Rudy turn that Rudy why you cranked up and turned it out and every time she went to the bathroom she would tuck her dress into her pantyhose so now she’s walking with alternate Niall guys hanging out her ass that’s my son and we went to New York and the thumb.
Wouldn’t even be in the crack look at nobody tell her nobody tell her nobody and my grandmother will you lagina put the dog in the middle not my mom because it feels like it’s tearing me in half from Amazonian PML upon Oh Jack like this I can’t dance I but like this mejor plus I don’t want to get it dirty my aunts were never sexual ladies they didn’t first of all they look sexy they were little they were dark you know there were slippers during the day know you ever seen your aunt walk out of the slippers you’d be walkin that one won’t stay on I got a clip my nails but it could they all had a lot of kids and you couldn’t understand why because they hate but when they ate these to make ribs and they’d be in the backyard you see we’re put sauce and my uncle would sit at the picnic table to–if I come you don’t do me like and my hands wouldn’t even miss a beat.
You know why cut him because his bones why Ukraine huh where you cram.
Now you’re tired Norma I’m ready what’s it’s a totally different culture and I.
Don’t give a shit how much money make you will always be who you are and always be where you come from nothing changes or nothing should change you should always be I don’t give a how much money you have be the way you were when you were growing up and you will always be happy but you know in the old days in the 70s.
That were like nine Mexicans the one many as there was now there wasn’t a phonebook in Spanish you know there was like channel 34 PGI laminate you would South America speak spanish to the people okay cut that guy here down my god what’s going on over there hey you’re not an Ensenada now 39 million in the United States 39 million and that can’t be an exact figure because when you knock on our door we never open it have you not we hide was who’s that bitch who’s that bitch don’t answer it Gilbert don’t answer it from way across the other side of the house you see the window move with a little mirror when you knock we hide and when you honk we come running out kind of shit is that you’ll be sitting in the house boom purple let’s be all the fast food.
Restaurants Latinos everyone jack-in-the-box all our Tino’s you have to American Countries speak spanish to get a hamburger welcome to yoga the here welcome to yak in the Bakken a Helio M is this jack-in-the-box can I kill you want some shin I’m hi can I have a jumbo jack okay you want a young boy yumbo yack I don’t think there’s a y and Jack get it guess up I’m sorry together guess oh I say do you wanna shit l all right okay you are why llamo yeah.
Con queso you are Bob of Rita you want a frame fried you wear a fine and my friends are fine thanks and this is how you throw mop what kind.
Of Coca Cola fountain drinks do you have it’s good what kind of Nutrition Facts fountain drinks do you have one minute babe Rudy just about the method is in the font a trick what I said is what it is Machine Rental fountain drink what is it what is what is it what is no water’s coming on what it is asada por que no me dijo soda hey Tammi Dr Pepper fountain drink like I’m a why does this a stupid son-of-a-bitch we got a stove it we got a couple we got a pixie we got a fun time you wanna chat down you want know to chat down I don’t want talk to the manager I want something to drink tell or China I want a large Pepsi you’re like a and spray s / e SP aspires to pet s fly it’s a totally and we do things totally different I mean when we buy a house we add on to the house and we never hire architect or a contractor there was a dude that added a bathroom the to his house he lives next door to me he had a surveyor out there in an orange vests in the middle of the street with the tripod and he’s at the vest Jeremy do you have 23.7 a Smith my grandfather added a bathroom to the house I grew up in he just went out there with his boxers out done there tell me where tell me where because the man’s on his way tell me where well go put her bra on and come on and tell me he would close one eye until he saw his nephew Dahli mas right there come on right there stay right there you go to Home Depot you don’t have.
Measurements other guys got clipboards we just go how much drywall do you need once I wait a minute stand right there watch a 10-9 about for Sally’s gala by tonight what’s your wait did I have these shoes on nobody much well how much rope do you need wait a minute I need about 10 turns about ten turns you know I had to have the roof fixed on my house and they said the insurance company sent me a check for $23,000 I cashed it I started spending shit that day I didn’t know us for the guy for the roof right away so I got my buy everything how much I love a 500 or nightly then the guy comes a hi I’m ray the roofer do you have my check that the insurance guy that was yours wait a minute let me go back to circus city what I got a ticket so I hire a contractor for the Home Buyer first time in my life because back home we just hired whoever wasn’t working you know so ray the roofer I gave him a check for $23,000 he disappears 15 Mexicans show up on my house I said shit I could have done that and they’re on the roof they don’t even have a ladder they don’t even have it I don’t know how they got on the road to climb the fence so they’re all tied together with one rope and you can hear him on top not me push this way and one guy’s swinging off and getting lemons and coming back so they’re on the roof it is about 110 degrees so I go get them water I said you know what I can’t leave my people out there saying out loud you know the water hose doesn’t reach said I better get him so I go to Costco chink I bring him Arrowhead by God let’s sport Pato pull the table so I go home nobody’s on the roof but what the ropes are hanging us at all shit they fell off now I’m gonna go in the backyard there’ll be $30 you’re and I call night one so I go to the backyard nobody but I hear music then didn’t they did it with the bad bass speaker oh and then you hear the song over tonton nobody in the backyard I go all 15 dudes are in the colonna’s and his swimming in my pool drinking my life another so I’m standing in the doorway and the guy goes a jump in the Messner home when Latino people don’t think you have.
Shit that’s what hurts I can be mistaken for a valet by a white dude I expect that shit but when your own ass that thing said you know what time they closed I don’t work your fucker but now with the show people recognize where I go and they’re very nice you know oh my god oh my god your jello oh my god Kelsey its Jeana it’s the one we like don’t cry but Mexican people are the hardest to convince because they don’t believe anything they thought first of all they look at you from far is a here manager I thought you said he was fatty if that same is repeating the people to lose he looks Emancipator con they say never to lose all emancipated e so then they walk sideways losing cholos walk sideways butcher like a crab hey are you John Lopez hey are you John Lopez no I’m San Antonio george lopez see liars not him and black people just look don’t even move.
It’s the best right now that I’ll tell you with everybody here and this being filmed for Showtime this is the best right now this moment right now hey it made all those years of growing up and swimming in the trash can because they didn’t want to give me 35 cents go to the pool you man by remember swimming in the trash can every sense hey remember that time we went you man my remember all the time remember the Home Buyers first time that you went to Disneyland you were late jingo it mean I take a look around because we’re not coming back you better remember all of things the mouse and the lady mouse and the goofy one alone say you two are there to entertain and you would have to lie about your age today you’re five I’m seven then don’t go then why are you crying why are you crying then don’t go yeah lockdown pretend think meter five and the worst part when you went to Disneyland is all the shit you wanted they told you they had at home I want Minute Maid apple juice me Ricardo we have it at the should I drag some before we left $4 on PA pada puja to Loco drink water and pretend as Nutrition Facts apple juice made a user you’re in Fantasyland come on use your so I wanted the ears that that’s they embroider your name George that’s what I wanted so I follow my grandmother all day waiting for the right time you know so then when we start to leave she’s walking come on Ben I look 10 o’clock yet throwing us out grandma what do you want can you buy me souvenir a shoe okay a souvenir you didn’t save your ticket that’s a souvenir Mira it has the time and the day where you cry now you lost her what do you want what hat kickin chicken what hat the hair where the ears and put your name the hat do they have hats here in Disneyland I didn’t see the tendon heads it what where the ears at Comerica I’m gonna tell you something right now your ears stick out more than the hat I’ll get eyebrow pencil and write Jorge let’s go you’re lucky we brought you I want a souvenir tell local there’ll be nine kids and one churro kind of shit is that look at him pass lick it well you then look at him pass take a bite and see what’s gonna happen look at him pass there’s no sugar but yeah look at him hey that might not be the way you grew.
Up but that’s the way I grew up you ever cut pants to make shorts when I live you don’t remember your man folding them up so the white things wouldn’t fly out it swimming in your the white ones to the tantaran the Superman one stunts around Panther I you get like a towel and a clothespin and you were like a superhero dad and grandma look at me dad hey dunk that I wonder your eggs Morello with a egg popped out and when did you get hair you know uh in my family they never talked about like when you started to go through puberty so when you started to get hair you didn’t you know I was a hiker on me not God’s punishing you keep taking money out of my person she was gonna happen it’s gonna go all the way around take the money take the money what you’re gonna have to come up the back and they used to make us go to church when you’re three look no three year old I like I’m for church but no three-year-old should go to church first of all you can’t stay awake that long then they put you in suit that you only wear to church with the shoes that net you never break in because you only warm on Sundays you walk like that and my grandmother wouldn’t even watch the priest she would watch me Natural Ways fall asleep I see what’s gonna happen fall fell asleep watch I Body Parts fall asleep I dare you I already heard this you know I’m here for and you be.
I played a little league for ten years.
And my grandfather came to one game right he didn’t even get out of the car.
And when I missed the ball what did he.
I hit a homerun knee one year and I turned around and where was he like that what happened you lost the ball I’m not gonna get you another one remember all that stuff because that’s one thing our kids don’t have they don’t have history man they don’t remember getting up and changing the TV okay kids sitting in the house what about us a put on Channel five stand right here in case I don’t like it stand right here what about using pliers to turn on the.
Shower remember you man by remember all of that stuff because that once our kids grow up first of all they probably don’t South American speak spanish you talking about dear Ilana sudha god oh my god that sounded like so Mexican what did you say I’m sorry I didn’t hey and you know what allow them to dream that’s the most important thing is look no one ever told me I could do shit with my life they told me the opposite Allah called be a comedian funnier than you whatever child you have whatever age they are encourage them to do better than you and go to school and to dream and become whatever from the time from the time I was 11.
Years old the Promo Code first time I saw Sarah Michelle freddie prinze I wanted to be a comedian 1973 the summer July of 73 31 years later I got my own show on TV hey and dream big because there’s been three Latinos in the history of TV who have ever led a show one is Desi Arnaz one is Michelle Gellar freddie prinze