All right this is what I think about.
People and this words gonna get really weird I think human beings are just a very complicated form of bacteria I think if you looked at the earth as a Class 9 living organism and who’s to say that it’s not some sort of a super organism it’s certainly a host for life and we’re considered a Life Process living organism but really we’re a host for life there’s more ecoli living inside our gut than they’ve ever been people ever there’s bacteria that’s constantly around you and your body’s fighting off that bacteria until your body grows old dies and then it doesn’t fight it anymore and that bacteria just eats your body that’s what it does I mean that’s what it’s there for okay well if you looked at the earth as this Aspen Trees living organism and like you were flying into LA and you’re passing over these beautiful mountains and you see the ocean ahead it all looks natural and beautiful but then you see la well what the is that that’s a growth that’s cancer it’s big and it’s brown and it stinks and smokes coming out of and it gets bigger every year and it doesn’t matter what you do it’s gonna keep going you could knock it down with a hurricane it rebuilds light it on fire rebuilds and I think if you were an intelligent life-form from another planet and you were looking at the earth you wouldn’t see individual people you wouldn’t see housekeepers and limo drivers and stand-up comedians you wouldn’t see that you would see mold on I think if you look at us objectively and the way we’re headed and the way we’ve always been it doesn’t matter how much access to information we have it doesn’t matter how much technological innovation we have we’re always going to destroy the earth because I think somehow or another that’s what we’re supposed to do I think that’s our purpose here on earth I think we are here to shit up I think we’re here to eat the sandwich so if you I gotta get this out of the.
Way if your Fear Factor fans don’t get too used to it because we are running out of shit do to those idiots right it had to happen eventually we got like four stunts left and we’re just gonna beat them with sticks until they cancel us that’s Plan B I can’t even believe that’s a real show you’ve always asked me shit like it’s my idea – how did you come up with that huh dude I can’t even believe it’s a real I show up every day at work going really shut the up come on keep thing is like the longest episode of Punk’d ever one day they’re gonna do this on a show and thought I was gonna be canceled immediately that’s why I was willing to do it in the first place seriously my agent calls me up he goes hey they’re gonna do this show with a sick dogs on people you want to host it yeah like you know what I was gonna do today I’ll get a jerk-off and take a nap that sounds way better let’s do this yeah but it’s like is it fun like it’s kinda retarded whatever it’s gonna be cancelled immediately four years later I’m standing front of a chick with a mouth full of animal dicks I’m like you could do it relax please concentrate just look at me and she’s taking my advice she’s dying but you can get through this what the am I doing a lot of people don’t like reality TV because they say it takes advantage of stupid people which is pretty true but you know what stupid people what are you looking out them for well who likes stupid people that’s what evolution is all about those people are supposed to get over all right they’re supposed to that’s what it’s all about you can’t let them survive you should be happy when stupid people get ripped off I don’t like you when smart people get ripped off cuz I’m not very smart you know we’re like Halliburton and Ron type shit oh if they can get those guys they can definitely get me I don’t even really know how to divide these guys are ripping off accountants Yeah right like stocks do you really know what a stock is I don’t the stock is really mean I have them but yeah number or something oh they could rip off accountants I’m in trouble right that’s but I laughed my ass off when I see an ad for big dick pills okay funny that’s a ripoff I can get behind anybody dumb enough to think of the ads for big dick pills be some weird secret on the back page of hustler that guy take a glad you said are you sure it’s real tough I got a man you would know about big dick pills just use your logic 100 of all men who could afford big dick pills would be on big dick pills big dick pills would be pretty popular what the ever everyone your next-door neighbor’s pushing his dick around in a shopping cart it’s like a big roll carpet of right in the middle of us pushing just it’s growing as he’s walking all the Bloods in there is hearings gone his legs are numb I got my get your report back from your doctor if you don’t stop taking those pills you’re gonna die I’m gonna die with a big people we waking up in the middle of the night one more pill socket mark we would change everything would change there’ll be no more blowjobs yeah be one of the first casualties eventually women would be just like what are you saying Josiah yeah the problem of these mildew you’re not even supportive just trying to get it in some women they would really want to please the man so what they would do with it practice stretching their mouths out on a missile and the really hardcore chicks would actually sever the tendon between their jaw and their skull so they get dislocated like a snake trying to swallow a goat just got me the new hot look at the club’s a slack jaw to get your lungs miles on and you know what if dicks are gonna get that big vaginas gonna have to grow too yeah that’s what evolution is all about it’s got to fit the animal has adapt to its environment so women’s vaginas would grow to 300 times the size they are now the point where chicks could jump off cliffs in parachute to safety like giant Sugar Glider flying squirrel pussy people you can’t even write that joke without.
Weed if you like that joke you want pro weed I would have never come up with Japanese Dwarf flying squirrel pussy people on my own I’m not that funny man I need some help 2005 pot still illegal how it’s amazing I could fix everything with pot I can fix all this bullshit in the Middle East stop sending troops over there dude let’s just calm that area down a little bit it just crop duster planes filled with chronic swell pop just bombard that area for wheat what the is going on come back in like three weeks but I’ll just be standing in the street dude what the are we doing with our lives man I mean look at this man it’s 2005 I’m dressed like a genie I’m just like a genie and I have a cellphone you see what’s wrong with that picture okay high off the internet but dancing is illegal bro what the are we doing this is crazy bullshit suicide bombings would end right away that’d be the first thing to go no one hai is blowing themselves up it’s not gonna happen you offer that shit up to a high guy no what do you want me to do what I don’t care what you’re offering oh that’s gonna hurt people even know what a lot of people know that they blow themselves up for virgins isn’t that really important isn’t that something we should talk about all the time cuz you hear about in the news Oh another crazy suicide barber we don’t here why they did it that’s pretty important that tells you a lot about human nature and tells you a lot about people tells you a lot about the power of the pussy cuz there’s nothing in that neighborhood folks there’s nothing in that neighborhood okay pussy is so strong dudes are willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of pussy in another whoa okay that’s it a class by itself dick doesn’t have nearly the same kind of pull there’s no chicks willing to blow themselves up for dick the power to breed is just too strong sex is the ultimate biological trick it’s amazing nature just figured out a way to get us to breed definitely just make it feel better than anything you could ever invent maybe not everything I haven’t there’s a lot of shit I haven’t done I don’t know I don’t have kids my sister’s got two kids and the way she makes sound it sounds pretty badass because my sister’s really smart I’m like what’s it like having kids she’s like alright this looks like I made people and I love them so much oh my god I’ll never tell me you love your dog you don’t know what the that means I love it really it’s a biological trick it’s a chemical that your brain produces called oxytocin and it’s a teen fever strangling a little motherfuckers cuz they never go to sleep and they don’t shut the up it’s always about that all right but whatever you know what I don’t care I don’t care and my husband comes home he’s like how are the little people we make and we First Date hold hands and we watch them shit their pants and okay it’s amazing I’ve never been happier wow that’s got to be a trip to love that whoo that’s gonna be crazy I might try that I might try that one day but oh that seems like of a lot of work I don’t know but it sounds like a crazy thing oh I don’t know that’s a lot of other shit I haven’t done I never been skydiving I’ve never been hand gliding but I did get to flying in an f-18 once with the Blue Angels and holy shit I thought you know I thought this gonna be like driving a car fast crazy video game check this could be for it yeah no idea how physically demanding that is unless you try it and we went seven and a half G’s and an f-18 and cuz that’s all my pussy ass kit take all right well some of those dudes you know 13 jeez and where you have to force blood it’s your brain to stay conscious that’s what happens you do a thing called hooking we got a hold onto the handle and you I feel my consciousness is closing in like an elevator door hey the pile in front of me is gone oh shit he’s blacking out ow if they don’t you did it was so intense I got out of that plane I was like what the was that what the was that you do that I didn’t even know that was possible how the many think we got fast it was so intense I mean life-changing intense but pussy’s better take it from someone who’s been there it’s a landslide victory for the woman in the vagina not even close why do you think we get so pussy whipped just it’s oh you just give up okay Jake whipped that’s a myth pussy whipped is some real shit I’ve been pussy whipped in every relationship I’ve ever been in ever I always start off really good too they always start off you’re gonna learn from the last one listen I don’t want to tell you what to do you don’t tell me what to do how’s let’s just not label this let’s just enjoy each other’s company oh my god totally that’s what I was thinking I am so tired of guys trying to marry me and own me holy that’s what they always said but what they mean is here’s my plan I’m 29 and I would really like to have a family and I don’t think you’re really into that right now so this is what I’m gonna do I’m gonna pretend that I don’t care for three months I’ll wake you up blowing you in the morning I’ll make you breakfast I’ll clean your dog shit in your backyard and you don’t even have to ask and then I’m gonna start to cry right when I know you’re fully in love lemme know I got you then I don’t know where this is going and we’ll see what happens then ha the same shit happens every time I panic and I give in Susie said listen maybe we should spend time apart which means some other dude is gonna gorilla your girlfriend you know would that mean some dudes gonna just stop her in the corner of the couch you don’t think she just likes it when you do it now she likes loads in her face it’s fun for her some guys gonna be to her face we know that you can get laid it takes a while for us to get laid we got a hook in ground work let a hunt down we gotta do a lot of shit you just go it’s a me though I doe need to start calling those dudes that are your friends just call them up all those guys you used today we’re just friends come on no we’re really good friends clan we’re very good friends we’re very close those guys are just hungry wolves sniffing the phone line for weakness hey what’s up how you been oh my god let’s surprised I would talk to you forever I’m so glad we stayed friends yeah me too so uh what’s new you still dating that guy oh you know I really don’t want to talk about that right now it’s like if you just talk to me just a little while ago it may move you deal with this but it’s just like you know whatever mean I don’t want to talk about it what’s wrong I just know I don’t want to be the girl talking to her ex-boyfriend about the problems she’s having right now with a current boyfriend I just think that’s up but listen Michelle okay you’re my friend all right listen I love you I love you and I always love you no matter what happens between us I want you to be happy all right if I can give you some kind of advice to help you that I’m gonna give you the right advice they’ll talk to me you all right I’m sorry it’s just here’s a deal ever since we moved in together we never have sex that’s crazy.
Are you serious what’s up with that I don’t know I mean it’s like I’m fat or something I hate listen it’s not you okay listen you should not be alone right now what are you doing look I’m like a mile from your house do want you wanna like sit down and have some awesome I could really use a friend yes friends we stay in touch with a sneaky trick whatever shut the up she you’ve just never been in love is one of the last remaining Harry Potter magic words he’s got too much power you need to get rid of that word people should love each other we should just stop saying it that word has gotten out of hand that words like the LAPD it’s just completely out of control because there’s three Beastie Bay magic words in the English language there’s cunt is number one yeah see you feeling that there’s a few girls and I said continuity there’s not a whole lot of words that can get that kind of reaction that is a magic word and it’s lost a lot Steve cuz in the early eighties cut had a hell of a wallop and the early eighties cut was a showstopper it didn’t matter what chick said yeah loser you’re always gonna be a loser friends losers you’re never goin shut up cunt it was like domestic violence in a word and whenever you got back together you always had a promised you wouldn’t say di just promise me you’re never gonna see that I’m sorry I crossed the line that’s the magic word nigger see even explain that’s a dangerous word to say and saying the word everybody’s like oh this could start some shit that’s how crazy that word is even explaining that it’s a word is in fact a word he will go and only black people out to say and I respect that I never say that word unless I’m positive there’s no black people around and then even when I say that don’t say it in a racist way I’m not racist at all I said just cuz it sounds pretty cool it’s not fair that you guys get to use that word you know like when your friends show up like what’s opening up like that that’s all I’m saying there’s no black people around you’re not using it let me borrow it for a little what’s the big deal why you gotta be so stingy I respect the fact that it’s your word long as black people around like nope they got it it’s all if you get hear it they’re gonna say it it’s poof magic the only other magic word is love but the difference love is you have to say if the girl says I love you can’t say you wrong you can’t string a bunch of words together to fix that you have to say that word and you give us too much power with one word to give guys the ability to express themselves in a way they could never figure out how to do on their own just by stringing a bunch of words together and make you say it and we will say anything you know we’ll say anything you don’t even care long as you say she love me I love you please sure totally I trust you crazy little game we play what do you say anything else baby listen I just want you to know every relationship I had before was just useless all right I never give a about anybody else with it we broke up I didn’t care if you broke up I would die I just want to tell you I’ve never been more fulfilled I’ve never been happier I’ve never been more inspired I feel like finally for once in life I have a shot not to be a loser if she cares about me that’s how I think of myself she cares about me maybe I can do something maybe I can be somebody when I close sales at work I think about you all right I want to come home to you I wanna have babies with you I would happily give my life for you okay I understand a lot of blah that sounded like lyrics to a tree son you can’t even say the magic word like dudes have ever had a problem saying things they have hard-ons you know I don’t think guys would lie about that I was at home the other day high as giraffe pussy watching The History Channel and they had his documentary on in search of Noah’s Ark while you’re at it I heard that dudes I miss it are you really gonna go yeah hey on the way back will you go to Whoville and get me some green eggs and ham you gullible don’t get me wrong if you’re religious I’m not saying there’s no God I’m saying people are full of shit and that story hello why do we have to believe it just has been around a long time and makes no sense you tell the story of Noah in the ark to an eight year old retarded boy he’s gonna have some questions it’s just a bad story even if you’re really good at telling stories you sit him down once upon a time God was mad and all the people in the world and instead of telling them what they were doing wrong and offering guidance he decided to go ahead and drown everyone and he only told one man a random man named Noah just picked him out of a crowd he wasn’t a special man in fact Noah was 600 years old at a trunk anyway God told Noah to build a boat he and his family would be the only people to survive the flood because apparently all the other people with boats – it didn’t work Noah magically got two of these animal come to him on foot from all over the world and they willingly boarded the boat and got into cages and they sailed away for 40 days and 40 nights and civilization began anew 8 euro retard boys fred duval how big is this Bob jr. tell me there are millions of animals one guy built this boat how longs it take him when did he get all of the wood 600 years seem a little also fella to be taking on a project of this the animals come on foot isn’t the earth.
Twenty-four thousand miles long and three corners trouble with the water wait a minute but the animals eat when they won the box for 40 days since anybody like to eat other animals not that retarded.
You four people go from no the white guy when all the black people come I’m all in favor of believing that there’s a purpose to life but I just wanted to make a little sense that’s all here’s the craziest thing about life is the thing that nobody really considers you know as much about what life is all about as anybody who’s lived ever that’s the craziest thing about us we’re all just kind of wandering through this go on you know what you doing yes oh I do too I know what I’m doing okay good dad but really no one has a clue but we never bring it up remember when you were a kid and you thought there were real grown-ups remember that shit you know what I’m talking about all the people love to pretend they know what the is going on we’re all full of shit when I was a kid I thought they were grownups didn’t like you were crying you got sent to your room like you know what one day I’m gonna be a grown-up and everything is gonna make sense then one day you’re like 25 at the supermarket and the bag boys calls you sir like what how’s that happen sure meet up a grown-up oh my god are we you mean nobody knows we’re all just zombies walking through this life the real problem is the reality of life is way too huge for most people to grasp including me like how about space when does that shit ever come up you ever think about if you enjoyed any part of this show tonight I was just like one extra minute of your time when you get out of here you get out in the parking lot just look up for one minute do you ever do that I never even pay attention to space unless I’m high and when I’m high it’s usually like two does that shit always been there how come that never comes up space is the most take it for granted thing ever no crazy it is and it’s above you every day and it never comes up if we all lived underground or indoors there was only one place in the whole world where you could see space popular that shit would be everybody would travel to see space he was just standing there and Sea Otters hold hands and look up and go wow there’s no ceiling this is crazy mind-blowing but instead every day oh look the Big Dipper we will travel to see the Las Vegas grand canyon hey dude you gotta go to the National Park grand canyon man do to change my life I stood out there and saw that can you I just realized well how small my role in the universe really is oh really Wow hey how about all that shit those like light bulbs those are huge nuclear explosions billions of miles away and it goes on Gyan forever it means this whole universe hundreds billions of galaxies might just be a part of one atom it’s in the cell of the balls of one guy who lives in another universe it’s of one atom that’s a cell of a ball and a guy it goes on forever and you’re looking at a ditch you just drove six hours to look at a ditch you’re a dummy you can see the bottom why is that even interesting to you oh yeah you’re small it’s big space is some crazy shit some people don’t believe in aliens I do believe in aliens but I believe that gave up on people a long time ago wouldn’t you I think there’s a few liberal aliens out there still hanging it with you hey man I think they’re gonna pull it together I think we should help them give him more technology no every time we do that they blow shit up no cuz there is some convincing evidence of UFOs the most convincing I saw was last summer the Mexican Air Force and a lot of people saw this it was on CNN it was on the cover of the New York Times the Mexican Air Force got video footage of 11 flying saucers circling one of their jets and then taking off an insane way to speed yeah and I saw that I won Mexico’s got an Air Force oh they’re never gonna land now the aliens are coming in to go side a Mexican jet dude I told you they’re retarded let’s get out of here instead we have Spider Man comic book bad guys Osama bin Laden’s right out of a Top 10 comic book think about it he’s a billionaire who hates us he lives in a cave and every time they almost capture him he mysteriously gets away revenge are you reading some of these stories I always realized how selfish I am when I read stories about the war because the most self the most disappointed I wasn’t myself I read this one story where they were talking about how they were very close to locating Osama bin Laden because they were monitoring his cell phone signal but as if he knew they were monitoring him right before they could pinpoint his location he hung up the phone and I know you read shit like that you’re supposed to go no man we almost got the bad guy it almost had that dude but all I could think of was who the is his Gps Tracking cell phone provider wait a minute this dude gets a signal in Afghanistan all right my shit cuts out at Walmart this guy’s making calls from a cave that is bullshit now AT&T all right I’m tired of their shit like I should do commercials death to America can you hear me now yes you can because even 500-foot The Rock Allah has blessed me with five bars a Al Qaeda terrorist network a hundred percent no.
Drop offs whatever sad hmm don’t use a Al Jazeera terrorist network bro dude I need it for work people would use if it was the best guaranteed the best mmm do you boycott I don’t boycott shit I think about doing it but that I don’t take people that seriously you know hey man you shouldn’t wear Nikes you know Nike workers they only make 13 cents an hour they should probably quit sounds to me like they’re getting but I need a pair of sneakers and I don’t how to make a pair of sneakers so I’m just gonna go ahead and buy them do what you got to do a boycott nextel that’s the only coming out boycott this is why boycott next though they treat you like you’re an idiot they have that commercial our phones all have built-in walkie-talkies Oh isn’t a phone better than a walkie-talkie who asked you to mix old dumb shit in with the dude good shit see a phone is the best shit with a phone you don’t have to say over what you do stupid shit is your phone too cuz it send smoke signals I hear that’s making a comeback how about Marsh Co know where you can send text messages why would you do that when you can it call me it’s a phone it takes you four presses to get an S what the are you doing just call me why are you making me read god damn only stupid and not getting any smarter that’s the scariest thing about life is that dumb people are out breeding smart people at a staggering pace and nobody ever even talks about it we all kind of know what’s happening and the real problem is most of us are dumb we don’t want to admit it but really how many of us are really smart oh I know I’m stupid I know I’m stupid but yet I’m smarter than almost everybody I mean and the real problem with dumb people is.
They don’t even know they’re dumb that’s a part of being dumb you’re not aware there should be a way to tell like a home pregnancy test type thing some shit you take it home you’re licking your arm a idiot check it’s broken dudes would never believe it idiots would be boxes stacked to the liar cocksucker no the real problem is most of us are idiots we just like to think we’re not idiots because we use a bunch of shit that smart people to figure it out but how many of us understand any of that shit think about the technological level of this world operates on how many of us really understand that what if everybody out there died and we had to take over the world how long you think we do yeah terrific we would do awesome yeah does anybody know how any of this shit works why is that loud and the idea I’ve been a comedian for 16 years I have no idea what’s in there I’ll some loud shit no what makes that bright shit um leave it all the stuff you need to run your life computers and Palm Pilots and Customer Service cell phones how many of you know how to make any of that shit I mean if I left you alone in the woods with a hatchet how long before you could send me an email we are not smart we buy shit from smart people I don’t have a camera on my phone cuz I’m smart if you left me on an island for a million years I could never figure out how to put a camera in a phone I don’t even know what a camera is know I press a button and a picture shows up what happens between me pressing that button and the picture showing up is anybody’s guess there might be leprechauns and spray-paints gremlins up the ass all I know is megapixel you gotta say that to get the good shit I don’t even know what I’m megapixel is like a noise and make with your mouth megapixel oh you’re clever you are clever who knows them people who know that shit does know anybody who’s invented anything who are they is anybody watching them making sure they’re alive making sure that somebody makes kids with them no it’s paying attention I think what’s gonna happen one day some smart people are just gonna die and they’re gonna leave us with a bunch of shit we don’t understand he’s gonna be no warning we’re just gonna be sitting around having a good time have a couple drinks powers just gonna shut off it’s gonna get out the lighter where’d he go you idiots can’t even keep the power on what the and what are you doing the power goes out I don’t know what you do what I do is usually I sit around and I wait cuz I figure this a guy fixes that shit how long would it take before you figured out that all the smart people are dead it would take years all right you would have to run out of batteries but you gotta make a battery what we do shirt listen just get together with a torch okay get a torch we’re all gonna meet in the street we’re gonna work this out it’s gonna be cool stand out in the street with your torch what’s up fag dude you know how to get the power on I thought you did no all right keep me posted you too shit we just be sitting in their house with torches that would work till animals realize we don’t have electricity morning start sneaking around cities checking shit out you realize there’s no loud noises to scare them off anymore I’m bears you’re stuck grabbing people then we just realize we’re fat and slow you don’t even have to catch us these scare us we’ll just black out it’s a matter of time before they start eating us more evolution but not me I got guns all right I got bullets I’m gonna be fine till I run out of bullets now I’m gonna make a bullet you sure do this bears out there we don’t have bullets the we do listen man we got to get out of city we’re sitting ducks this is what I think we should do let’s move back into the caves people live in caves again dude it’s safer in the caves bro just guard the entrance with sharp pointy sticks and that we would just get down to a Child Protection core group of survivors fighting off the Bears and within one or two generations we went forget everything trigonometry calculus that shit’s gone besides net gone it’s never gonna happen again you would take thousands years you have to reinvent electricity within 100 years we would think the world is flat a son is 17 miles away just like the people who wrote the Bible that’s what I thought in that funny we would just get down to a court devolve to a South Africa core group of survivors and let them really discover the earth how crazy would that be how crazy with a caveman discovering downtown Phoenix be it’s coming out of the cave with his club there’s buddies but dude who built all this shit bro it had to be aliens yeah it’s aliens I can’t do that you do that neither can I what the you say I think this has happened before I think it explains the pyramids and yeah I was really high when I thought this up but it makes sense if you ever watch a documentary in the pyramids they have no idea how they made those things I think they take what we believe that use levers but this is all you need to they know they’re there so they know somebody made it but all you need to know about the Great Pyramid of Giza there’s two million three hundred thousand stones that weigh between two and eighty tons some of them are cut from a quarry that was 500 miles away machines trucks no steel they had copper tools and they were perfectly cut and you could get a razor blade in between these rocks and they’re perfectly aligned a true north south east west and if you cut and place ten of these monstrous stones a day it would take you six hundred and sixty four years to make one pyramid all brought to you by people who thought the god raw took the Sun across the sky in a canoe and returned later that evening with the moon they had 16 year old Queens Cleopatra was 16 when she was running shit that’s like Lindsay Lohan being queen of the world and they built that they built that are you sure are you sure okay because I have another I think people used to be really smart but the dumb ones just out the smart ones that’s what I think we are all the bastard children of the idiot Credit Union stone workers of Egypt I think at one point there was a master race and they were reading each other’s minds they were free of ego and they were totally honest and they were mapping out the cosmos and behind them the Block Crossword stone workers just away just took over one day the smart people just died there’s probably no warning just one day the idiot showed up at the pyramids hello anybody in there wait the bus yeah checks on Friday the other boys got overtime coming the.
Holiday is right around the corner have you no heart then eventually they realized the smart people were all dead what do you want to do I think for now we should just move into the pyramid then we’ll figure it all out that’s did they just moved in let me just start lying about it after like a couple of generations who built this were you dead we’re the best we’re number one egypt leading that beautiful flat wall that’s crass some shit son think I will draw Clip Art stick figures on it this is a woman she’s tearing fruit upon her head that’s important to document and this is a man but he has the head of a dog and he’s evil are you sure they made that the rodent Holding Hands stick figures dude seriously it’s 2005 and look who the president is that’s a little weird we have a dumb president and stop all the Republican Democrat shit let’s just be honest let’s be on I’m not a Republican and I’m not a Democrat all right and I think voting for president right now is a lot like rooting on Pro Wrestling all right I think it makes you feel like you’re contributing but I don’t know you really have that much effect on the outcome but that said it is a little weird that we got a dump president all right and if you disagree with me and you don’t think he’s dumb you remember my joke about dumb people not knowing they’re dumb okay if you don’t know he’s dumb it’s because you’re dumber than him I don’t see what the fuss is all about what the all about but this is my question you know that shit is on purpose there are some smart Republicans out there some whip-smart articulate very convincing guys that would make very good leaders so why do we have a dumb guy I’ll tell you why cuz there’s only one way to find out how dumb we really are they had to make a dumb guy the president do you know how dumb with most people aren’t Phoenix do you know what this country is all about see that’s the craziest thing about having a country we’re basically like a tribe right but you can’t have a tribe with 290 million people in it we don’t know each other even if we want to take just this room we wanted to make a tribe we would have to do some interviews we’d have to weed out the douchebags you know if we decided all act as one unit there’s a lot of people probably let make the cut you can’t have a tribe with 290 million people in it especially when 200 million people live in places you shouldn’t even stop for gas most people aren’t living in cities they’re living in nowhere they just stopped and they’re not moving I like it here they’re always did like it here yeah simple they stand on the road watching cars go by faggot oh hey the church is bringing in books oh this place is that it just stops and people decided to stay no one’s didn’t put Duke of Kentucky cuz padukas the shit all right they’re in Paducah cuz their ancestors were traveling to California and they went that’s the only way they can find out.
There’s only one way to find out how stupid people they don’t know you they don’t know most people those billionaire banker dudes that control the world there’s only one way to find out put a dumb guy in office and see if they freak out they probably had arguments let’s just get a smart guy to act up Oh we’ll never know then let’s put a real dumb guy in it listen if it doesn’t work we got back up we got Jeb we got McCain don’t worry about it we’re gonna be fine we try him out in the primaries let’s just try it they must be near one about touch and go in the beginning like dude he’s making up words talk to him talk to him Nigeria is not a continent you put some shit in this here tell them some things v1 wheelie Wow oh shit we’re Oh Morris a dangerous thing could everything up with them well we at war with them how did he make that connection they bought that Wow with the internet and everything you want again holy shit you want again gosh damn and you know there’s one dude in the back of the room going I think we’d go dumber and they could easily you’re outnumbered you just don’t realize that we had some crazy lok doubt president who only talked to the dummies to some wild former military pro football coach died president some dude who gets on TV goes haha how about we go over there and take that oil what’s up USA you want to paint 250-gallon you want to pay twenty five six let’s do this shit Rome style do you in here a pause and then just gunfire Jesus got my bullet what there’s plenty people dying for that pep talk you don’t need to draft in America all you gotta do is tell people they’re supposed to be killing people are you sure totally just tell them you don’t get a draft people giraffes a terrible idea take some eighteen-year-old kid why take some kid with the future there’s plenty of idiots that be willing to do it their life sucks they’re not 18 they’re 60 with fat wives and kids that suck I got gray hair on balls their dick doesn’t work anymore that guy will kill for you there’s a lot of them and you don’t have to draft them you show up at Ted Nugent concerts you scoop up with next that’s a badge it’s made of metal and I got some stuff written on paper you gotta listen to me you’ve all been chosen to serve your country you’re not cowards all your boys quickly don’t even have done the engine on the boat they’re gonna get there eventually all you need is a good pep talk get along gentlemen the enemy is evil they wanna help long NASCAR chewing tobacco and touch the music plus they hate babies you gotta act now push the boat push the boat get over there and kill everybody doesn’t look like you I’ll let you know when you’re done baby rolling with the rifle butts you ain’t taking the white NASCAR you faggots let me bass boats going down are you towelheads trying to take away my right to drive fast in a circle thank you very much Joe Rogan one more time.