really I’m so sorry about the limo I put off of that one’s a limo well when does the limo we planned on but you know HBO gets okay I don’t know what happened that’s okay but my mother now you know and all these people came to be our new HBO and me I’m telling you know oh here listen we just got here we got to have a little somebody want a mars bar which once we’re always have you get into stuff that there’s wet stuff inside it’s like chewing on this goo some gum yeah you want peppermint spearmint wait what I thought was the best we’ll take one of each consumers always consumer I’m just into it I think I’ll take it to his HP old pick this up it’s the only way to go see it’s right Gelinas world is view in 12 I tell you it took me years yeah it’s the best thing in the world I love HBO and see that what they were gonna do original was they were gonna put ted danson whoopi goldberg you know I like but they couldn’t get it together so they put Hampstead long beach really doing guys thanks feeling my boys and them know Brooklyn without to be it’s a friendly little village that’s really all in it yeah just like you told me before it’s right but again I’m sorry about the lemma I don’t know what I wouldn’t have missed this for the what see here it is we’re going to right direction Brooklyn really yeah it’s right next to hotel good all right now Billy and you’ll ran out of a little bit of money so this is where we have your stand but it’s really gonna be a show great credit yeah anyway uh before oh yeah you know they give a good meal I usually go in this river well this is where we had to stand down stairs what would change if the Irish probably Thursday that’s right and there’s your initials what about that bum you that’s laughing over a little pet I heard that oh yes yours the great aw again what a guy now it said since there and they had a sign now somewhere but I don’t see it well I’ll never guess I mean yeah I mean either it we’ll go in anyway they will come later anybody out there honey there’s nobody.
Out there can you should know but I think your mic is on get the at it I mean you think the mic is who would turn my I could get out of here if my mic is on y’all say yo shit everybody wants enough home we have all the Negroes gone I say they doing them talk shows everyone that way will never burn that way we’ll know second verse got there yes where all the Negroes gone but hey everybody it would stop here now we’ll come on will all right now all the white people.
okay now want you to get up you’re going to get up and do it okay follow the bouncing negro.
What we want to know we they’re very cool they said y’all wouldn’t do that you know I’m just I had to do that song I had to write the song you know because when I was back in Los Angeles know you guys just had this great election and I was really you know I was really thrilled you know for David Dinkins and everything cuz I watched some of the shit that went down you know with Rudolph Giuliani honey that is man now wait a minute wait a minute you know this man was married to the same woman for what 14 years divorced her aunt turns out she was his cousin and the didn’t know I said timeout honey at the wedding party wasn’t an odd that all of my relatives look like yours I don’t want somebody like that running the city on it somebody don’t recognize their old family but I wanted David thinkin stuff I wanna know how that to pay my goddamn tax who’s got the answer I want that information I was crazy man it’s crazy this shit is Nazi politician but ship coming back on people are getting their due sighs I took her ass to jail and I was bland Jim Baker 45 years.
You know there’s some big old brother.
New joy saying yeah I got some family for you right here time for James Brown break free James I have these moments you know I have this second but it’s crazy you know a lot of strange shits going down has gone down in the eighties you know a lot of people got this shit thrown about you know but if you’re politician you could not aid you were not allowed to touch or have a penis or vagina and if you had one you couldn’t get elected look at Bush now it’s very strange mr. Bush has a very bizarre effect on me and he does cuz I don’t understand him I don’t understand these people in Washington why do they go to disaster site okay big an earthquake in San Francisco Marilyn Quayle goals what is the bench want to do oh look around you know I mean what the was she gonna do people trying to run her ass off the road because they couldn’t get big shit and you know they’re all in a panic they’re all in the panic about Eastern Europe honey they do not know what to do they don’t know what to do communism has taken on a new look and it’s them up because what are they going to do when they’re going to use and the spook Specter the Negroes are back you know and because what else do they have I mean what this means of course is that once we stop looking under every Bush excuse me for a communist it means we got to start looking towards the government and that means there’s a lot of big holes I mean I’ve talked about some of this shit before but imagine we have a humongous war on drugs in this country humongous and billions of you can’t stop drugs from coming in but I’m childish true oh you got some yeah this is a good reason right here to stop this glassy-eyed did not be a thing and he gonna with me during my show I’ve seen you not bad when your eyes but check it out man.
Do you know we have not got a good relationship with children right we do not have a good relation plus Cuba was bad right we didn’t like slap the hand you know like Cuba they don’t listen so we don’t reach home by any Cuban product no cigar okay you cannot bring united states cuban cigars and trust me I know okay I came in from London I even cigars oh I mean it was taping my pubes and take it I mean it’s it hurts honey but I look like an African question you know then I put my clothes on him came on through customs Johnny be cool shit oh I’m telling you it was like the French Connection they made me get undressed they make the dominican republic cuban cigars of this don’t you know these are legal I just sit down over there it puts a big old light on me and shit you know and had me sweat all in the corner inches and I thought damn you know I’m not gonna bring 200 more now that’s because costa rica cuban cigars are illegal you cannot find them you cannot go get them just anywhere you have to promise your firstborn what they’re illegal okay crack is illegal you getting the point you start to get it you can find crack anyway you can open a crackerjack box and get it violet Oh is a wheelchair selling crack crashed illegal too but you can get involved with crack faster than you can get a Cuban cigar something’s wrong there something is strange to think about that shit so you know once people get over communist and they don’t start looking for the government his guys gonna have to start answering what if you have to understand you know these guys they’re stupid we know that we elect them but it’s not an unusual thing to find politicians with no brain you know we had Reagan now did you see the picture him getting off the party with a big old shave him and then spin the back too much and you know she kicked his ass when he got home the 80s was good for getting your ass.
Kicked I mean a lot of people got the ass kicked by the riches you know it’s I’m not making this up it was in the beat in there Sonny don’t with the sisters deaf bitch in the microwave and he shouldn’t learn he should’ve knew Sam cook should have been his first clue Al Green with the hot grip fusing himself together it should have been his second Club a headless and where is Steadman you know Steadman used to hang with Oprah members used to talk about him all the time in day out Dedmon said they heard shit from Center where the in Stanford now that he was shot in or Sam ain’t nobody heard from it lifting up Rock step that was the kind of shit I think about sitting on the camp where it said does anybody know nobody knows and I tell you what prompted this song was that I read a quote I started to tell you this I read a quote in the New York Times from a guy in Brooklyn who said when asked about Lincoln’s election he said well I don’t want to seem prejudiced for anything but I’m not saying we’re niggas run the city I said when you don’t want to see presidents anything punch it but you don’t want to be with niggas run the city excuse me about Western nigga was one of them work that sort of alluded to some kind of president you know but not maybe I’m Chris say what.
And crazy you know but you know being back in New York is really funny cuz just I had a run-in with a nice policeman I love doing you do I Love New York I love you guys morning I love any of the cops in the country because y’all I’m telling you don’t let a cow why don’t let it California cops come upon your hair you don’t have time to reach for nothing you can’t say shit to that net Kenya you in a car door and they don’t catch your wife being white don’t mean shit in California you know used to be you say I waitressed to say okay no problem none don’t come out too quick come out of God but New York cops they have a whole different style I’m driving I had an audition which unfortunately happened like late in the evening like around 11:30 and I was in Long Island where I didn’t have any business I like go out but I don’t see no black people class I’m in Long Island I say to my friend who I’m staying with listen you got to loan me your car he’s got a Lamborghini I said what are you nuts I said no man please let me borrow the lamp again where does it call hole a poontang kun tax poontang Santa I’m in the car I go the audition it forever goes for hours and now realize I can’t get back the same way so I gotta go up through Harlem now I’m in a Lamborghini at 2:00 in the morning honey and I’m black and I was nervous I was going slow but I don’t want no much gonna pulling me over talking shit so now I’m driving like a nice woman shirt and I feel this sudden realize I hit a cat which was rough because I have animals and you know whenever you’re in there where you feel best I like this and I scoop up the cat and I put him down and I get back in the car no job lots of sure enough her it’s only New York police thinking to pull the car how am I gonna explain this car I don’t know where the registration is I don’t know where shit is I’m figuring he’ll see it’s me right like that mean something filthiest me I’ll explain you let bring me they got it the guys car I get out of car it’s what I would looks at me like this you’re gonna catch back I got the cat out of the street and I’m trying to like hey face Oh whooping whew you know some mom against this shit the cat sound over there and you know and then so now I’m gonna take the car back you said it didn’t occur to you that cat might belong to somebody I say yeah but you know it’s like 2:00 in the morning you know and it I didn’t occurred what do you want me to do so well I think you should knock on a couple of these doors and see what a cat look I’m not gonna no noise in Holland these people don’t wanna be with them if you come to buy some maybe so I use this well that’s what you’re gonna do you’re gonna go to jail I said listen my name is star trek whoopi goldberg it sound give a I said okay fine that Lamborghini shit matters in the street and I’m like cuz I don’t know what the note so I going knock on a couple of doors you know nobody comes I come again I say to him listen nobody is home no checked I don’t think you check well enough I said what the is your problem see that was the first mistake because that is to nice gentleman in the back okay you’re not supposed say to a cop unless you offer him and he’s out of uniform so you said what is just accent nothing I got me going up so I’m knocking two more doors finally this woman opens so she’s got 900 caps in the out did you have a little black cap with little white faces some goofy eyes she said yes so what he’s there no problem don’t worry I got hundreds of cats great here’s $100 you know I gave her someone else I’m really sorry about hitting a catch and I thank you so I go back and I can cop to stand out there and he says did you find some I said yeah he says let’s go talk to her don’t worry I talked to I gave us some let’s go up we go not going into an enolate is getting annoying because you know it’s like now 3:00 in the morning and she got some lunatics giving her $100 for a dead cat knock on the door she’ll be like do you want ice to listen you gotta tell the cop that I found you said it was okay he was sorry I killed the cat but I gave her some money it was cool and the cop says that she gave you money later yeah and she came up Jeff grant told her cop says you’re under arrest oh I said for what is that so important it’s wonderful to be here in Brooklyn and at the high school brooklyn academy of Music cuz it’s a fabulous space and I always think of it as the kind of space I would like to present somebody and then a couple years ago I was in London and I did this is true and I did the Nelson Mandela 70th birthday bash that we put together with Eric Clapton and private investigations dire straits and Jensen Norman it was wonderful at Wembley Stadium and I was co-hosting with Harry Belafonte and the gentleman who you’re gonna see tonight this guy as it turns out is known everywhere in the world except for our country which I found offensive very offense cuz we’re here family we know what’s happening right we didn’t know about this I’m telling you what it’s kind enough tonight to allow me to present this wonderful person I hope that you will give him a rousing global finance brooklyn academy of Music American welcome to my friend Billy yeah hi it’s good to be here in the new york brooklyn academy of Music think I was in the I was in Brooklyn today and I nearly shit my trousers this is dangerous people shouldn’t about Here I am a Scottish person I can’t wait get to Scotland you’ve tightened me shitless look I’ll tell you one thing I do lake up in New York though ululate you appreciate violence soon as we do know you have a cutter and you swear properly we just been great yeah back up there was a line on a bicycle in Manhattan mr. freakin a blind guy on up it dies that could crack walnuts and he’s on a bike he’s arguing with the truck supposed to do that yeah the mine could have made pancakes for that I was so impressed serious million that’s just the best place but you know they could make they could make it even better you see Los Angeles does this Hollywood Boulevard thing which is a car and I think it’ll stars on the pavement and every fourth one you never have the guy Harry McPherson New York should do it they should do it definitely should have done of stars in the street how big splat marks for people of jumped off the and put the names in it of what guys have been shot you know when you get shot they put sticky tape around your body well have nice shape on the street Joe bananas are great on here Nestle’s floor that’s what you should do don’t wait for those bastards to show you the way I came here in Concord today and I arrived before I left.
Concord don’t do it know I don’t like the whole concept anyway a fly and in aeroplanes it’s the something basically wrong with it we don’t belong up there we don’t I agree with John Lee Hooker he said if God wanted us to fly it by the ticket I don’t like it and he lied to you all the time all that shit about in the highly judy blume unlikely event and the talk till he’s like you’re mentally ill this is your already tells you on the thing left over see click me fingers no bill denied the undie agenda tell me the best one before putting.
Oxygen masks on face extinguish your cigarette I mean smoke rings coming out your ears of course you weren’t I don’t lay that behavior at all because they’re lying to us but basically just again lying all that stops a lie there’s sudden loss of pressure oxygen things will fall down as if by magic and you can breathe and it’s old jolly and your full body safety belt you’ll be very safe with your space seat belt on right when were you ever listening to the news on television and it said today a jumbo jet smacked into your Mountain and Peru luckily all the passengers were wearing sittin over your altec lansing life jacket on.
Headin upside-down for the Atlantic Ocean I’m alright because they were to tell you the truth they would have to say ladies and gentlemen in the highly water landing unlikely event loss of power on all four engines then an all probability will go into the ground like a doubt you won’t be screaming you’ll be trying to get the seat in front of you out of your mouth we would be obliged if you wear your lansing mini life jacket on the way down this will do you no good at all but when archeologists find you in 200 they’ll think there was a river here well there’s one if we can lathe jacket.
Drill oh you put your puddle jumper life jacket on and it says on it pass the tips twice around your body and tie in a double fool that’s the same right so the planes up say don’t run on fire in smoke and your buncha towards the ocean I think we’re gonna heard you do a double ball there’s people running naked go yeah this year obviously last year I was doing comic relief the British one and we had go to Mozambique I had to go other guys went other places you know Lenny Henry went to Sudan or some place other guys went other expected to stop in we went to I went to Mozambique and I flew from London Airport Air France to a puto right I was desperate for somebody asked me where I just swings so I just want to be exotic.
For a while you know Air France wish tenement puto that was fine did the bit all that awful stuff horrible film you know horrible things happen to extremely nice people just the same old story we’re good doom a bit then the following day after cool to play is called Gigli which is a way in the far north a refugee camp 100,000 people living in telegraph road dire straits with to Guam on them no I don’t like those little but the holy I late dinner plans to go the guitar licks and cups of tea another.
Biscuit mr. Conley that’s flying I don’t that at a lake to pilots this one dies it’ll die all the time is just that you know our own do you know who’s funny how that AG things you know people are flopping all over the place you see pills you don’t know the guy pilot and he never tells you well it’s only one he never says look I made a here if I do this makes it go left right down and these proof ones make it go away when right never really values because you may be able to stay off until it runner-up edge or maybe you can bring it down or Ebay and you know be named instead of dead but they know that they selfish it’s the best into high with a dying breath to go genie at all well good I just kick butt going to the airport go GAE to this terrible place lovely people but in a bird on the back of a truck feeling very exotic you know pictures of people thinking I hear durian then and there’s a big hair qe0 playing huge big pocket I mean also have been one of the boy you know thrown behind it there’s this wee red aeroplane you could smell the glue died in on the wing they’ve obviously assembled it to my kit to that Marlon I wish we’re sitting in it but all sweating waiting for the pilot we’re not framed it’s really hard I said here’s where for some reason all the heat goes to your crotch and an Arab where your window sir peggeleh it’s true you’re stuck what trying to be nice to one another and this guy and I this thing he’s your t-shirt and khaki pink shorts and flip-flops sandals those dong things hi reg I’m the pilot I said off reg thank you complete this is why I said go and get men’s clothes on right now ladies German tames me change but standards must remain if pilot should have long Rosie’s right long trousers that blue maybe black but long turns away with half sleeves packet a ciggies shooing through one of the air pellets here the arms and moustache a pilot you lookin man right to family called Nigel Carruthers she witnessed even Nigel comes on when you’re the in a plane sitting there you’ve just got on you buckled up your body harness safety belt hello this is your captain speaking Nigel kuranes oh I think I’ll have a sleepless night Oh Nigel king of the sky there’s an interesting clothes for me shouldn’t let your over and have a look Nigel’s clean nice Nigel’s never asleep at the wheel smoking dope scratch this box none of that Nigel fans have never been achieved in his entire life he’s never done the necessity to go of that Nigel never scratches his bother Nigel is virgin atlantic upper class and the victorian era upper class don’t get itchy arson only the working class get itchy arson a snake strongly you never see the Queen going never even if she was a tissue wouldn’t let you know she go away it Jane coffee would be terrified just one of those things I hate it then when I say let you ass I don’t mean ass I mean the one is so fired up you can get it good that way even when you view the fingers yeah all.
You’re doing is ramen your Levi’s up trying to get it so you in devant you won’t do and it never happens at home in estes humbles merely for the home being sort of our fish and never does it probably on a busy street a pedestrian precinct into a nathanville brown your masturbation is a good idea I’ve always.
Been a big fan of masturbation I was a I think name of 10-ish around there when I first did it was one that was the gay in my class of school there it was probably in your class to a sort of international way big high forehead here in the palms of his hands those guys who were tattooed when they were five tubing –here before everybody else he summer saved me it’s gone it should have you done it here what they call it Rankin in Britain wanking popping of wine I call it jerk and off here it’s very violent supposed became to yourself you don’t it’s not good for you like I said have you done it yet I serve for wankin you must say that’s brilliant you get your willy in between your finger and your thumb was only named boxing vast he said that you J Dilla up and down.
Witness person fine because brilliant the worst brilliant over there it’s brilliant when you finish when we stop event Chili’s brilliant I said okay because a thing happened he says at the very end you see tongue completely Japanese well that’ll do me so when school was over we went behind the basic replace and we did it together pound on the way there and he was right it was absolutely I must see both right oh yes and what it was all over he said no you must remember you only get a hundred of these for your whole life you’ve had one so you’ve only get 99 left he said keep a notebook and keep score you must remember because you do over 100 you drop dead with your willy in and your mother gets deeply embarrassed because you can’t get the lid on the coffin and have anybody knows who you’ve been doing neighborhood knows you can see the lid there and if Fame delay further me and do you know I don’t think I’ve ever been so frightened as the hundred first time it’s the most faint I’ve ever been it was the following afternoon I really don’t understand but my whole.
My body has given me desperate trouble on the life I even tried like vomiting has given me terrible problems no I vomit it’s awful no but I’ve known men who can vomit casually have you ever seen those guys drink a lot of beer you see them along the street in the Saint list Sean Kelly and the.
Tour de France said you looked and pinned the tame child is it always okay after a vomited no I can’t do that when I’m gonna vomit I think I’m gonna die any time drank I ended up in the bathroom kneeling on the floor hanging on the toilet but it doesn’t just go the opponent doesn’t go away for bed it would be good if it did in a fast when Bart you know instead of going far why shouldn’t be such an awful smell as another design ball we’re supposed to farm we should have a yes I’m the saving myself don’t pretend you forgot a root of that and you can see people walking out of cocktail parties they know them going too far sort of tiny walk with a nice but usually get caught because instead of going and then blame it on something and even then if it was just her he’d be okay but there’s all sorts of varieties the worst of all the killer Diller is was the silent killer.
I was in a plane grunt just really a once and we stopped a Singapore and a man got on and sat beside me I will never forget this long as I live he sat I was at the aisle and he was a first-class there was only two seats he sat there and he knew me probably it seen me someplace before we didn’t really couldn’t guess I am how you doing here faint he said I’m just in from Hong Kong I said oh really he said I’ve just flown Cathy Pacific have you ever flown with them before no I haven’t often intended to brilliant really I’m not sure that’s nice the food was really yes what did you have is it on the plate it told me barbecued goose with soya sauce ginger and spring onions said it was brilliant I’m glad to well upon he went to sleep and he curled up in a ball like a squirrel and we took our wood into the night through the clothes we huddled up into the sky who should we settle down and were trundling along and this man after I will never forget it long as I live not only was at the West Park it was the longest maybe it was the position he was any squeezed as a solo but he was cane and leaning over and his ass was pointing out towards me and it made the strangest noise it was like cloth tearing did you ever see a movie with Errol Flynn well he was a pirate and he had a knife in his teeth and he dived from one the mast of ship a big sailing ship he died with his offer coil it wasn’t one for diving but he took a lunge at this other billowing seal and he just stuck his knife in him to stop himself and it’s a slid down the ceiling with an eighth well that noise as the exact noise his spout made that was the kind of tortured noise it was and any changed position finish for the flourish well then what’s good on people were looking by of course you couldn’t see Hemmings of color here was blowing out words and these thought I was fasting Herbalife dear and then smell came at first I couldn’t believe it appengine fire my eyes were bombing the paint was all changed in color but the podracing doorman he’ll you’ll get cancer but you know she are all done stuff I know that bastard they know something that we don’t that’s as people know thing no laughs actually laugh remember who I can told you this then calls a nice guy every good boys terrible and it’s all heating offensive greenhouse effect and they’re pregnant not to mention that ran four varnas gone acid rain big hole in the sky right all of a sudden in the middle of all this Poland who had defended it by him frontiers of missiles bristling with armament guns steel helmets don’t near me Missy food guys demonstrate for anoraks and they say okay the country’s yours come Guinea people of t-shirts and Levi’s be my change okay you got it good let’s do it here we have it Czechoslovakia here you go East German here have it here has a hammer knock the ball down they know something knows don’t let those two Germany’s get together they’re bastards or you will get used to this noise followed by this noise a bunch of bastards but all practicin.
Just now cut ball time suddenly remembers where he was doing a 1942 I learned banjo the sever something wrong over there or something in my garden instinct somebody’s vomited in the petunias I don’t like something I was telling you but vomit and should be easy what you should be saying or what it should be JA gonna go huh it should be that casual how come and I don’t know how many of you are like this when drink I have go to bathroom hang on the toilet and all the sick doors were and it’s easy at first and as an American expression for a bit seven a Buick isn’t that William I love you bye love you and then Britain is cold shootin for and these ones just come out you don’t want them to it’s this involuntary noise huh Doble oh and it comes Arian Knorr and that’s always 1 cup diced carrots in it I have never to my knowledge eaten diced carrots in my life and I’m not very big on tomato skins I can’t remember ever going to restaurant until I’ll have a plan of dazed carrot and tomato every time I sing down the I surely hope there isn’t it and they come charging boom aah oh yeah the year so you know at the ends of hair your head explode claw and then this awful thing happens all of the sick comes out and goes away it’s all out but your body won’t recognize that it wants to be sick more it’s enjoying itself so it goes why is that.
And your tongue tasty escape a competitor here and then the most awful thing happens this terrifying shudder but the worst is yet to come.
The veins are all standing on your thumb.
and soon as you do your moment in it’s been an extraordinary pleasure oh wish I was and Glasgow with some good old friends of mine some good old