There’s so much see there’s so much kind of information about the world nowadays and it’s hard to know what you need and what you don’t need 24 hours of the day seven days with this relentless stream shit it’s headed for your head nicely and every time a piece of useless information goes in it pushes older wiser information further turning to the muck makes it harder to understand in dreams now there’s no escape in this for its religious Sandra Blind Side bullock’s husband is thinking of moving to Texas in order to be closer to their children how the do I know that he hasn’t even decided yet he’s only thinking of us I didn’t go looking for that information but it went into my head spent the whole day relaxing between the two ears I mean so many for a drink layers around that night the only thing the only thing I can think of saying to him I say Blind Side sandra bullock’s husband is.
Thinking a movement to Texas even him cito right that’s kind of trivial you know but even serious shit you know there’s a war on in Pakistan what do I need to know about that do I need to be getting constant daily updates and a war in Pakistan what the am I supposed to do about a war in Pakistan stand outside my house in Galway on the west coast of Ireland shouting stop the senseless killing in Pakistan to the people to the people of Pakistan need me to know about their war today am I by the one is it my opinion that’s going to solve the crisis no they’re blown the out of each other pick up your ticket that’s wait one minute let us find out what Tour Dates tommy tiernan thinks about Dommy you’ve read all the news member roberth why do you think Oh in the light nose in wrong me or that son of a bitch what do mean you have no idea what do you mean what about Son Louis sandra bullock’s husband it’s got there’s a proven track record.
Of infidelity it’s not going to work out just cause they’re in Texas do you Lots remember the Home Buyer first time the Home Buyers first time you ever put your hand down a girl’s pants perhaps not a distant memory he didn’t have to think too far back to.
Remember that is he well if like me what happened when you were a teenager I was incredible wasn’t it was like holding spring in your fingers we didn’t know what to do though did we all I could think of was to give her a little flick somebody in school must have told me.
That’s what you do fast-fast for me you’re gone before she even knows you’ve been there at all whoo-hoo and he stood there girls didn’t she took us even though your hearts must have been breaking with the agricultural reality of us he just stood there going that’s great Tommy that’s I’ve lost all sensation from me hips Jimmy needs you get work as a general anaesthetic if you wanted to I was a group who uh I’ll walk you home now that I have a Griffin yeah come on worst for girls so the Promo Code first time a girl puts her hand on the boys pants yeah they think the she’s looking for is looking for her it’s waiting for our like a groupie uncle as a bus station sticking his head above the rim of your underpants she’s supposed to be here ages ago contraception is a big king I myself and my wife were using the diaphragm let me explain it to you it’s not a breathing technique don’t be no the diaphragm is like a small rubber Pringle the lady puts it inside in it goes over her cervix it can only stay in for 12 hours after that starts to you’ll often hear a lady walking down road the next day a loaded little baby talks following her if there are any women here thinking about using the diaphragm a word of advice you should never under any circumstances let your bloke see you putting it in there are parts of the farm daddy doesn’t need to know about keep some shit to yourselves it’s hideous one leg is thrown over like that this hand is rooting around in here you wouldn’t get of this asses probably straight it’s like seeing somebody rip a muppet I have their five children yeah thank you five children yeah you know tell me of the people who have five children are movie superstars ante people like Angelina Jolie brad pitt and Angelina Jolie how many kids they have hard from different parts of the world no nothing how about Jennifer Aniston brad pitt this but I wouldn’t say it’s his he’s just gone with the flow like isn’t sure she gets like a duvet he do and I say this morning’s Brad comes down.
Into the kitchen with the big stoner head gnam bumpin into some young fella that he’s never laid eyes in the corner well hello there little man and where are you from picking up the child to see if there’s a country of origin sicker now I would love to adopt I’d love to do that he’s a great thing to do you know but I only want to adopt talented children pasty-faced uncoordinated Irish there was a talent show on in my kids school recently on an eight-year-old girl did a tumble onto a mattress potential that’s all she did I was touch-and-go and she’s gonna make it she came down with that watch and she stood up I think she’d won an Olympic medal at the clock while I was there is these two Chinese kids get off that have been adopted they’re playing the violin as if their lives depended on it they were incredible one yolo’s only looking at the violin and I was singing it they’re the kind of kids I want go to orphanages and hold auditions for a new show called who wants to be a Tiernan the happiest fella that I knew in my life was also the tickets and I went to a religious boarding school and his name was Richie and he was from Dublin and he was so stupid he was a pleasure to be with your card processes just slow down in his company he was like all right Tommy no problem Tommy ari bari Tommy no problem heroin would have sharpened him up once a term we used to have these because the dormitories that we in were so old we had to have these fire drills that they were old and wooden so once a term about three o’clock in morning the fire alarm will go off and the priests would take this out of the building in our Underpants Jesus the naivety of it now and I think about a few priests trying to chase you into the woods for safety so one morning fire drill goes off and everybody is up in their knickers and we run to the school across the yard into the 2 New study hall except for Ritchie who thinks it’s the mornin bath so he goes downstairs and has a shower and get dressed the priest is counting us up in the Happy Wheels study hall and there’s one fella missing this is not good in a real emergency this is a disaster so Ritchie is hauled up in front of this midnight Court and he’s never seen a scene like it in his life all his friends they’re naked under fluorescent lights and the priest is there where are you Ritchie where were and before Ritchie it’s time to answer the priest cause I tell where you were when I tell you were burning to get in the school fire which is looking room what you’re dead no am I supposed to phone your mother and tell her you’ve died in the stone fire because no oil fella it’s better on them from me she thinks you’re a brick anyway to be a woman I think women just they have nicer lives women are all about feelings I was feeling this I was feeling that that’s not how I feel men prefer thoughts I was thinking as you’re more likely to be saying sorry I wasn’t thinking women are able to look after each other in ways that men can’t if a girl is crying and she’s surrounded by other girls is it a not really it’s more of a benefit gig they’ve all got jobs to do there’s chocolates and puppies been ordered on the internet there’s a band of fat lesbians outside the house in case a man bastard happens to water fast everybody’s busy somebody’s brushing her hair and somebody’s showing her a photograph of when she was fantastic a girl is flying and she’s just with her bloke good luck to you your wheat being away and all you want is a hug all you want is for the man to put his arm around you and say it’s okay sweetie you have blown this out of all proportion we’ll find you a pair of shoes don’t you but men don’t want to do that it feels all weak and womanly plenty stood wouldn’t Adam bass Peter shot yet women are able to spend time in each other’s nudity and there isn’t a big Gaylord dilemma going on there up in each other’s bedrooms trying on each others clothes and the boobs are out loads of big little boobies winter and spring boobies there’s bras discarded like helmets after a war I’ve seen it from the tree I’ve been to mass everywhere I’ve been.
To mass in Australia what a disappointment Australia has a reputation for being a wild rugged country the priest there is terrible he was an old woman of a man hair brushed over to one side nothing as a place not and he walks out into the churches hallo you’re almost welcome to st. Cuthbert’s Church today we’re gonna be reading from the Gospel according to st. Luke I like Luke Jesus went for a walk and he came to a tree and up in the tree he saw Zebedee and he said to Zebedee said buddy come down from the tree and Zebedee replied Jesus Christ I’m not coming down from the tree that’s the gospel according to silo I like those but it’s rubbish you couldn’t hang your coals on that never mind you’re sold we used to grow priests in Ireland we used to grow them from bits of people that we didn’t like but we over plant it we had an epidemic we were flooded with them so we tried to engage the rest of the world in a priest for potential swap and we were conned by the Africans bastards took all our priests not a potato between them pagon spotless our priest went over to Africa and what happened then melted and now we’ve run out of priests in Ireland there’s no left and irony of ironies what’s happening missionaries from Africa hold on to us and at first the congregation is a little bit wary no way are you the fella off the UNICEF box are you Jesus wasn’t black no wasn’t he looks like one of the Bee Gees this seller I like grating mass given by an african priest is slightly more passionate it might rise us up once again in the name of Father the Son and the Holy Ghost Jesus after went for a walk he wanted to get away from everybody he does not have to explain himself his he was walking along 19 is on business.
I think into a tree ip3 laughs in the middle of the walk and he’s knows their body that tax-collecting punch and they say to 1770 don’t be race in my.
Commodore from the tear and Zebedee replied Jesus cast our not condo vanity because he was a stubborn that is the Gospel according to st. Luke I needed this barn Sacramento hold up to the bartender I said excuse me could I have a bottle of Miller please and he said do you have any identification I said my teeth I’m sorry sir we’re gonna need a driver’s license or a passport mrs. why are we going somewhere I don’t know what particular religion you’re afflicted with a pair of Montreal ladies and gentlemen my views on religion are quite specific whatever religion you believe in ladies and gentlemen I will respect us but I won’t take it seriously it’s like whatever God you believe in maybe he exists you know maybe the three main days he’s all lived together in a flat in heaven God Muhammad and Buddha imagined God is a kind of a Jewish lawyer who turned catholic around the same time Bob Dylan went electric Muhammad is a really grumpy guy who nobody trusts because he makes all his women dress up like assassins and Buddha as a fat little dices turned all day Farkle eaten grapes Buddha would not have looked well on a nonetheless it was a reinforced cross.
With a little feet for him I flew over here ladies and gentlemen because I thought I’d take too long to walk longer surprise I ever took was I once flew to Australia you know and I flew with Premium Economy british airways and First Class british airways have a policy on their long-haul the flight takes 24 hours ok Business Class british airways have a policy and their long-haul flights of complimentary alcohol on a 24-hour flight I want to translate that fear now that’s free drink for an entire hundreds imagine you come in here modular does like you come in here they bolt the door behind you they then strap you into a seat and say for the next 24 hours the tank is gonna be free so thought I ordered is the brave man of virus revolutionary politics to drink as much free British liquor as I could in the secret plane takes off when we.
Level off at a cruising altitude which means something else in San Francisco I was sitting there when go they are obsessed comes down and I say hello before we start I just want to establish rules the drink is free and you can’t throw me she said yes I said let the games begin I’ll have a Red Bull double vodka and Fresh Squeezed orange juice please and one for my invisible she goes away she brings it back comes.
Down I say anybody ever tell you you’re a fine-looking woman do you know that does your family own any land I’ll have another Diet Coke double vodka and Vitamin C orange juice please and one for my invisible friend does it matter and that’s when they start getting grumpy because they have this fear of a Plane full of drunk Irish people flying across the world as if it to be bright everybody on this side of the plane