You guys first of all make the loudest.
Fucking noise for Jeff rocks and everybody on the show time everybody come on make some noise for everybody back there about something that was actually really you know everyone’s while you have a Divine Tragedy visceral reaction watching something on TV a visceral reaction is where something impacts you to where you react out loud and you can’t even really contain it you can actually be by yourself and you have a moment where something happens here turn to nobody on the couch next to this is them all alone this is crazy I had my moment so basically here’s what happened I was watching it 20/20 was doing this entire program it was all about couples that had experienced strange moments while they were preparing to get married and then as they were interviewing this one couple they captured something by mistake but they ended up showing it and I think it was one of the most dynamic things I’ve ever seen on TV husband and wife sitting on the couch and all they wanted was for them to sit together and look at some old photos and the camera was gonna just pan by and with the narrator would tell us a little bit about them and here’s what happened while they were looking at pictures of the wife took one picture out of the shoe box she got very excited about this one picture and she was like oh this is my favorite memory I love this is me when I was four years old I went to Animal Kingdom disney world with my family we had an amazing bonding experience my mom dad I and she was so effervescent and excited about this picture then they show her husband and he’s literally just staring he finally just takes it out of her hand doesn’t even ask looks and he goes this is crazy this is unbelievable she goes what babe he goes I went to Star Wars disney world with my family when I was four years old and I’m standing right you in this picture and then ya know they literally show the picture they were standing shoulder-to-shoulder waiting for a ride taking two separate pictures with their family not realizing they’re standing that’s the love of each other’s life they would go their own way for 20 years get married 30 years later they would find out every picture together when they were little kids and yeah it really is special I felt the only thing that could make that moment more uncanny incredible and cool is if that couple was murdered yep if they were murdered and a guy that killed them was also in the picture when he was four he’s just gonna ride in the background staring out thinking that I’m gonna kill you in three decades face greatest feeling in the world when you know the person that you’re with is truly your better half right you look at everyone some are like yes this is the person I want to be a dynamic duo right here look at us great good at worst feeling in the world when you look at that person and you’re like me what am I doing all right then you think again still them you push your own eyeballs into your brain hoping they’ll be gone what did I do if you want to know if you’re with the right person if you’re saying Dean cook I’m not sure there any little test things that I can do to see if I’m in our relationship that’s really going the distance yes I’m gonna help you tonight that’s why I’ve come here today I’ve come here to help you to fortify your relationship and you’re if you don’t pass these few little tests you should break up tonight okay here’s a simple one you do sit on the couch right do this sit on the couch watch your favorite TV show if the person that you are in love with if they walk into the room and walk by the TV here’s how you know you’re in love if the second they come in the room you smile and you start talking and up voices that only the two of you appreciate right that’s love right we act like a idiots with each other you’re not in love if when that person comes in walks by the TV if you don’t look them at until they get out of room the second they walk around that corner they knew this is your reaction the second they leave to rob you like this another way contestant wake up tomorrow morning look right at the person you’re with so I get to do just open up your eyes and look right at them and feel whatever the you’re feeling for like three seconds you get three seconds and actual truth about how you feel about that person if we start covering up your own bullshit with your my own over take a road trip and instead we’re gonna get a pet ferret and it’s gonna get better and we’re gonna paint the room to music three second here’s how you know you’re absolutely with the wrong person you’re if you open up your eyes and your first instinct is to spit in their face just listen to the sign one of your voice when you communicate with the person you’re with when you’re truly in love there’s a certain musicality almost in your voice there’s certain rhythm I’m sure you like let’s say the person with calls your name from across the house just the way you respond back that’s love in your voice you’re not in.
Love if they call your name you’re respond like this jesus christ.
What yes I want to grow cheese thank you that’s love – and the person worth makes your Tomato Soup grilled cheese that’s love a Food Truck grilled cheese if they make you a tuna fish sandwich get the out they don’t care I think that I think it’s really important to have a very strong sexual relationship I think that yeah I think that you need to be able to give the person that you’re with every single thing that they want sexually and vice versa I think that’s part of the deal if we’re gonna love each other potentially be together for the rest of our lives you’re gonna do the weird wacky shit to my body that I enjoy and I’m gonna spit on a weird part of you every once in a while and it has to go I’m telling you it has to be mutual right there whatever it is that other person wants now you might be saying hold on Kool Aid dane cook one second hi I don’t like feet I don’t like my own feet I don’t like Peter gross I don’t like feet at all but what if the person you meet and fall deeply in love with a year down the line you find out they’re kinky little fetish they want their feet sucked you’re gonna suck a foot that’s all there is to it you’re gonna get a baby way to get a Walmart shuffle foot and you’re gonna suck it like it’s a dick with five little dicks at the tent yeah like it’s a with an ankle you’re gonna suck it for luck you’re gonna say the things that you know that they like to hear the trip this little Market Meaning piggy went to the market this little Market Rhyme piggy went my throat shit that Market Glass piggy went deep in Mama’s throat whoo I think you went to the back of the barn hey by the way we just talked about this what the was that piggy thing what did it mean learn to represent was it wasn’t teaching us anything is getting my mom or do that she would throw the blanket but I got off and she would start with what was it who came up with this and why was there suddenly a piggy set up for Crock Pot roast beef and a little kid they said there’s Peter for speech and then the next little piggy you know that he had you remember none I woke go to sleep and there’s a dying Pig at the end of their foot but this other fuckface is storing up on Slow Cooker roast beef evidently you have to give the person with you’re gonna like just even do things that maybe you’re not completely comfortable with you know just to impress them because after a few years you start to know each other right isn’t that the truth like you guys I can see you guys have been how long have you two been about to break up you bet for a little bit how long 15 years just shoot each other 15 years obviously I’m sure during 15 year period there’s sometimes it’s contentious there’s fighting that takes place right sometimes you go at each other sometimes there’s some name-calling I want to help you with one thing right now if you’re gonna do name-calling plan the names you’re gonna call the other person in advance know what you’re gonna call them okay because sometimes you’re in the moment you just start blurting out shit like guys there’s one word you can ever say during an argument we know it into the sea ends with an hunt you can’t use this word know what you go see unto you are doomed you can’t say the c-word now if you’re saying hold on they cook what if I’m going to blurt it out and I don’t really know I’m going to or I can’t help it and I feel like I’m gonna say it and I’m just gonna say we’re gonna do it in that moment this is what you’re gonna do ready if you are gonna say the c-word I got you covered right here sing it with a Scottish accent it just takes the edge off just enough right now no you like the lease at the dog park you’re do it 15 years ago so you guys met in real life 15 years ago you two meet through some kind of online sea because now you can meet there’s so many ways to meet people different sites for specific you that I meet somebody or Christian mingle you better JDate need somebody of Jewish descent you can go to Irish connect to meet somebody who’s Irish Japan Cupid if you want to meet somebody Japanese if you want to meet somebody black freecreditscore.com some of these websites I’ve tried some.
Of they were a little confusing I tried ancestry.com terrible site for dating I am meeting my aunt for lunch next week and that is so weird I like that with like tinder and shit like that you go into the preferences this is what’s so crazy you go into the preferences and you can choose the parameters of the kind of person you want it’s like build-a-bear for a human being right you can letter you can put it on you can search men women both if you’re a lost soul they give an 8 range and you can move the slider to search within whatever demographic you’re interested so you can search anywhere from 18 to 50 right there tinder letting you know life ends at 50 if you’re 51 kill yourself nobody’s searching for you relic and then you could have been at the distance and knows the GPS coordinates of your phone so you put the distance how far are you willing to travel for love potentially how much gas do you have in your tank for books I tried it I really was like fascinated I went in one day I you know put those settings I searched on women and then for age range I set that 18 to 19 and for distance I put it on 50 feet and it’s let’s just say this to Boober is just a pimp delivery service for tinder bitches can we just to get that right now uber is chef Lee tinder Wars all over town tinder in coupons you do a thing together some kind of like this kind of rate make a fortune off my house alone I think it’s so wild that you can absolutely be in a relationship and then some people know I mean I’ve had a couple of even in my own really yeah it’s a barn burners once in a while right you go to toe you start really going at each other all your insecurities all that shit come on this is what I’ve learned about fighting in relationships every single argument is exactly the same different topics but the way you approach it and all the insecurities all arguments the same except for the first Argan e you have together as a couple the first Army you have completely different from all the rest of the arguments why because you can’t really argue the way that you want to argue during the Unbound Method first argument because you don’t want to show that side of yourself yet not during the Valid Callback first argument Named List first argument the entire tone the way you approach it completely unique you’ll never be that person again you kind of connect that first ever game you’re like yeah no that’s not how you make pasta you it up shit oh you that’s crazy you’re gonna right some people I know actually have go to a couple therapy I’ve actually had French – Emotionally Focused couples therapy I would recommend that if you’re thinking about doing it I don’t think it actually helps save your relationship or marriage I think it actually turns you into weird robots because then what happens when you go to New Season couples therapy is they teach you how to communicate in ways that maybe you were not aware of and they give you those that you like they you know help you come up with you know a little bullshit so that can you know use those little parameters it just kind of takes you out of it that’s the weird thing and lose you and now you have to follow these little parameters so whatever this situation is you have to approach it using the fright but walk it on it’s never a good time I’d love talk to you but if it’s not a good time I can come back in a little bit now’s a good time great thank you very much I love you I was just in the kitchen and I noticed there was a dishes still in the sink that were dirty and when you and I were in there this morning as a couple is one we were discussing the dishes that were there and use you stated to me that you would take care of all the Deer Tick dirty dishes and I was very appreciative that made me feel like we were being collaborative communicative and you love the kitchen eleven dishes were completed you came back into the kitchen an hour later you added more dishes and you still didn’t complete the Scotty Mccreery dirty dishes and they come up again and at that point I felt disenfranchised I was encumbered I felt like we weren’t on the same love bridge speaking the same love language that we’ve created in unison as one also I noticed my favorite big blue cup was in the sink and I thought maybe you need at least watched a kiss speak tonight you know like Cola and I like to drink in the celebration of us so maybe you could just speak to why you didn’t at least watch the big blue cup I’m gonna stop talking our only gonna listen and receive your truth and thank you so much for listening to me I love you very much I appreciate it I’m gonna listen to thank yes you know what I can actually tell you exactly why I didn’t wash the dishes or the cup I just want to say this for the record you just the way you came out this was very rapey if I could just think that was like a verbal rape just for the record yeah actually the reason I didn’t wash the baby encompass a couple months back I was cleaning your office I was helping you doing something that’s you and I saw a picture of your ex-girlfriend into the picture she was drinking out of that big blue cup so that bitch and your cup I say you go the other way with it here’s the thing I say when you’re in an argument when you’re pissed off at each other don’t try to be something you’re not don’t try to you know surprise you just end up with something later on I see just getting all the out right there even if it just you have to go to toe and you’re say the craziest shit just in that moment just hey you know what I just want to shit in your mouth and hold your head shot and they can leave my shit oh really is that what you want to do I’m gonna take my period blood and here tend your face like Apocalypto this you’re a moron man you’re a man who’s the moron where do you go from there up it’s not gonna get 20 minutes later just eating chips laughing about it I can’t believe said I was gonna shit in your mouth I know you wouldn’t do that but if you did I don’t know why people I don’t know I don’t know why people still get married in the first I don’t get it I think just stay together be there for each other but the whole thing of marriage is I don’t even know if anybody really even truly believes in marriage anymore like in that way of excitement like okay ready I don’t think you do because here’s anybody here receiving a wedding invitation in the mail ready when is it before you even know who it is just when the is this July 3rd July 3rd where is it Yosemite I gotta go to Yosemite on July 3rd I don’t even know who’s getting married I don’t know calligraphy who this is a character piece Yosemite outdoor wedding oh that’s not gonna be hot as and Yosemite outside and then there’s always like a weird thing on the invitation please bring a sword in sheath as we’ll be having a game of Thrones style afterparty oh that’s great how am I gonna get a sword sheath on the plane what is this you get it go it’s just uncomfortable you go to somebody’s wedding usually you’re sitting in a house of worship that isn’t yours right feel like you’re cheating on your religion right just looking around are those pinatas is that what is this place right have those weird little conversations that are uncomfortable with the people sitting next you what’s that lovely day for him yeah it is a lovely day for a ceremony I was just yeah I was thinking that yeah like I wasn’t aware there was a lovely yeah I thought we were in the eye of a hurricane I didn’t realize that it was actually a full-on lovely day I just thought it was a few minutes of bliss before anarchy what’s that wait are you folks yeah California king all right that was great that was interesting regions what’s up regions well know you just want to concept that’s all we’re to do even in this moment I just want to get a pain I heard that the bride has her piece lovely day did you hear that five-center piece of Regents do you know that then you sit there and you watch the bride and groom facing each other just what we got it even like the way they face each other holding tips of fingers they stand across from each other just holding the very tips of each other’s fingers which is just weird you’ll never hold hands like you’ll never be in the situated there’s a fire grab the tips of my fingers for you get out of here just staring they’ll never be dressed like that again it’s very weird it looks like you know a spy she looks like he was just toilet papered at Halloween she’s wearing a fencing mask then they have to do follows that’s what I nervously follows they do vows to each other you can’t even keep promises to yourself you can tell yourself since college you’re gonna lose 15 pounds you don’t you’re gonna vow to protect their hopes and dreams you liar and the files are all now they’re all written specifically for each other because nobody does traditional old school now it’s like just between them kind of if you’re ever absorbed into another dimension I will learn science I will open up the portal and I will find you this I promise be right old English for no reason thus unto mine eyes doff I protest if my loveth what here’s how know you didn’t believe in the bridegroom in the first place when they come out of the church and you have the dry rice if you throw it like this you can whip it I had one friend I thought this is really brilliant got married in Maui and gave you the option if you want to go that great but if not he sent everybody a link in an email with the date time and all you do is click the link he had a company live streaming it in glorious HD while the Sun was setting and I couldn’t believe it I was actually sitting there watching one of my best friends I’m sitting at home I’m halfway across the world watching an absolutely gorgeous beautiful ceremony and remember I was like I was emotional I was like watching I’m crying and I’m masturbating and it was just 15 years you guys how you got some kids yeah how many kids to the abortions to do it just split it up I don’t know think I want kids but I don’t know I don’t want a stupid kid I don’t want one of those kids that like you know like every five years there’s that kid on the news that ends up like which between two rocks I don’t want that for whose kid is that’s the worst kid all the news crews around the world are there everybody’s live watching this kid and they’re pouring Crisco on your son and the trick they’re you know trying to get it make him slick they’re trying to slick him up because he’s in a crevasse between two rocks all right they just wine and then they just get really quiet for like 20 minutes and just look around I don’t want that kid there for the rest of life your son’s nickname is bulldog War II because they put him on People magazine vulgar boy ten years later but smolder border his arms stayed like that he makes a great living stocking shelves you guys watched a little bit of .
Together work for a while is that something else I did it yeah when things get frisky come on 15 years in you got to keep it interesting said you ever do any role-playing you like to do some role-playing from to time yeah role-playing is fun if you guys never do what he wrote playing it’s the greatness right you just role-playing if you’ve never done it I can explain role-playing really simply if you’ve never tasted am a little trepidation aside into role-playing normally what will happen is woman the girl will dress up like you know like a princess and then the guy will dress as the guy that wants to a princess which is basically what I’m wearing right now I am hey just happened spotlight don’t do that I’m worried about you out there yo case body juice knees so seriously who do you guys like – what.
Are you okay if you better go to a site let me help you guys if you’re a new copy of same name you want to watch a little together we feel a little frisky or do some fun stuff then you want go to like IU right you want go to what red – is kind there’s surprise okay that’s good you never want to go – like don’t start with it don’t go – like guy we can never go back calm that’s not a good sign don’t go to unsee this bitch org nuts right you get to go first of all if you haven’t gone to a site recently go Eddie Money home tonight and check them out they look fantastic they’ve really grown exponentially over the last several years right not like if you went to a park ten years ago maybe you try go to reports that you could even enjoy it because you can get into the site maybe you try to get in and windows would constantly block your way pop-up right weird windows open but I feel like a window with close up a woman’s eye with lightning in and try to sell your police scanners a lot over the gavel either lawyer just weird shit then windows where are you hear moaning coming from no oh where was that I didn’t press play anywhere where the are you yeah there’s gonna be a little window hiding behind my recycle bin what the ready to go miniaturize with a whole the volumes down but I got louder what the is this Oh somebody in my house and throwing their voice on my computer okay shouldn’t be doing it I’m doing it why am I doing this when I like now about his it’s real easy to find whatever it is that you’re looking for right however you try to go in like 10 years again you know you’re you just click on something you’re like everything and there’s help reviews and.
Tomato scores and all the videos are chilled tagged and that’s great sensation let’s talk a little bit about the adult feature films that are on the site because I mean honestly they look great really I mean they’re shot on modern technology and they’re not like grainy and weird like should beautiful like the digital red cam and the cinematography is aesthetically pleasing to the eye really delightful and the actors that they’ve hired are giving what I would call nuance to performances they care about character development and the plot lines are really you know in enveloping and exciting you an I picked a video recently I’m on my back I’m ready to get down to business after about four or five minutes I was so I knew it I’m on my belly just watching eating trade intro trail mix you know what is good when you sit through the end credits that’s a good part you sit through the middle you’ll be one more little bonus feature at the very end you never know you don’t want to go anywhere maybe Nick Fury will make an appearance right going down the sights looks so fantastic there’s okay here’s what do you go in and you go to the right categories is where you go in and decide what is it that I’m really interested in watching tonight and if you haven’t gotten to the categories recently they’ve added a lot of shit categories used to be very limited if you went to categories eight nine years ago it was very sparse right you had like one asian anal threesome latina husband that was it go American Idol home tonight open up the categories it’s like the menu and Cheesecake Factory it’s a lot it’s almost overwhelming and then there’s certain categories in there that I won’t even click on just based on the name imma like I don’t really know what’s in that right there’s one category mature I don’t know what the is in mature this is our go to the main pages mature what’s in mature that’s more than what’s happening out here I don’t know what’s in there but I’m here there’s a Pokemon getting by a demon crying in jizzing rainbow and that’s out here that’s not even a mature to be that is indicative of mature what mature is it just very old people I don’t know in this milfs is one that you’d like to watch go towards milks what is the category that people have watched recently is there anything that like his stood out that he thought was kind of entertaining here where’s one bukkake is there a teen cooker I wish your girl asked me that and not you but dude you just said shivers down my spine and into my where it clenched itself shut is there a Jane you sounded like you’re from the Civil War you’re regretting it I’m regretting it cuz I just told everybody here what you said if I were gonna talk about a bukkake machine in this creeper over here please don’t ever talk like that again you can’t talk like that anymore okay you watch the local word from to time I’ll talk to you for a little bit what do you like what do you enjoy okay because obviously you’re alone and you’re a single man yeah and what do you like to watch it see okay what do you like your night off on girls oh shit are girls that we call that classic cuts it’s like a hug from Nana it’s just like oh I’m home again are girls right you can’t help her smile just want to sit there eats a Reese’s Pieces I don’t know dude you look kind of like a creeper I’m not gonna lie to him there’s something about you I think you buried bodies off the Sizzix exit on the way to Vegas or some shit there’s like I don’t know man there’s something really they put the lights on here everyone looks really respectable I don’t know think I played as you and Brent I’ve got over the other day but that’s another story but this dude’s a creeper big for our rights yeah there you go your friends yeah obviously your friends are a bit left already do they’re like I’m gonna sit a few rows back let’s leave Dougie at the show you know he’s gonna yell some shit out that nobody wants to hear you’re walking home yeah okay oh that’s gonna be in my dreams tonight you get up I was looking forward to bukkake talk and then all of a sudden this guy just put the fear of God into me with this weird Chows talk anyway nice meeting it hey if I end up dead in alleyway tonight can we start with this guy wearing a bad news bears shirt from 1978 and the shortest shorts I’ve ever seen oh my god what are you Yogi Bear get a real outfit holy shit eyeball is right go meet your friends get out of here do you know I think the last category is they’re gonna talk about real quick if you’ve never seen gearbox gangbang you’re just gonna gangbang okay for anybody who’s never seen it I’m gonna I have to tell you this real quick for if you’ve never seen an entire if you never kiss usually probably watching for a minute they’d I gotta get the out of here this is kind of overwhelming if you’ve never seen gangbang here’s the way it goes down okay traditionally what’ll happen is there’s normally a woman laying on a you know on a futon right she’s got six guys orbiting her everybody’s in a different orifice right there’s always that one guy too many who doesn’t have a place to go he’s just kind of hanging on the back you know that guy he’s just looking over everybody’s just a he looks like you actually it’s just a sweaty smarmy if everybody needs a break I made the finale of gangbang the third act.
all six guys will ejaculate at the same time which that’s pretty impressive right there no shit that’s not easy to organize right there are six guys coming on cue that is like cirque du soleil level of rehearsal to get that right that’s like Special Op shit those guys gonna be synced up everybody good everybody’s already Jonathan yeah all right it’s go time Michael head my LLC underground good check alright here we go guys deep breath were no-go on Frankie nope guys no we’re a no-go Frankie to drink is pineapple juice we are gonna circle back Frankie let’s go we’re on the button over here buddy thank you guys very much everybody thank you for being a part of our Bob ever break great night I’ll see