Hey my sellers groaning he’s tight the.
Best is going into the show we’re the part of the show all right I’m.
On parole here you guys were to see your head let me hey you know who the star of The South Park comedy central TV show it saw me at with Insomniac Tour dave attell ladies and gentlemen Captain Miserable dave attell thank you Newport Kentucky.
Thank you how about a hand for Rick and Matt give them a hand everybody you know doing a DVD those where you see.
All the cameras and stuff around here this isn’t a neat relevant story or some bullshit it’s the place to do it because Kentucky parties because you guys invented fun here in Kentucky that’s right people I’m talking Jack Daniels machine guns and lube that’s a party you guys Cody Pizza party pick it up people some of you are probably hammered already if you are drunk here’s a drinking tip remember later on tonight when you’re super hammered its pants down then shit all right nobody likes a messy backseat of a squad car okay just cuz you drinking scotch doesn’t mean you wearing a kilt alright I’m glad to be what the is that holy shit wonder no one’s laughing with mom Side Effects crystal meth heads behind me we lost the rolling crank lab what are we going to do mother crystalman how you want it tonight you are well straighten the show let’s go down to Body Mist victoria’s secret and scream whore as the women walk out for dirty evil wearing those fancy panties did you paint this I didn’t know Mona.
Lisa had a DD so for traveling a lot of people I’m.
Glad to be here cuz know you guys got Step Brothers riverboat gambling Savannah Ga casino New Orleans riverboat gambling that is a white-trash Venus you want to get rid of the Redneck Piece white trash in America have a free Toby Keith content on a Myrtle Beach casino riverboat and the boat will sink from the weight of their it’s a little riverboat you see the.
Steam coming out of the stack that’s not steam those are souls all right there was some Breaking Bad crystal meth to be had that night Street Names crystal meth it gets a bad name let’s say you’re in a situation where First Time crystal meth can help like you got too many teeth you got to grind some of those out you can’t be looking all two feet down at the Waffle House I’m mostly a drunk you know I’m a drinker and alcoholic I’m not thank you it’s always good to have a wingman when you drink cuz I do a show where I drink you know thanks a lot hon good all right nice I do a show right drinks when people see me they give me a drink we’d sort of been thinking that the next show I do what we call knock I’d like a blowjob now knock I like a blowjob but I’m pregnant your mouths not pregnant now suck it too much some of these jokes are too.
Much people I understand are the best you can do is just roll over and let it drip out you know what I’m saying I don’t smoke pot I think that’s what’s holding me back in this world I do have a lot of pot tendencies where the pot heads okay I have a lot of pot tendencies I’m always late I laugh for no reason I like to watch jeopardy with the sound off and make up my own questions I not you guys I’m with you plot edge want everyone to be on pot even their dog have you ever seen a pothead dog oh man it’s sad he’s wearing sunglasses he’s got a bandana on like he’s high I don’t get that with my dog I don’t make my dog lifted drunk lifestyle I don’t make my dog fatter dogs because he has no idea what he’s doing Oh fluffy you were hammered last night that wasn’t even a dog you were humping on that was a dirty bag of laundry you need to find dog Jesus whatever you say pop people woo to bed they don’t get excited about other things in life like jobs yeah let me try one of those College people where are you we got some coffee enjoy those years it do what you can people before you go to college they give you a brochure has anyone ever done anything in that brochure at the actual college have you saw them alone with an American Indian and Asian guy and lesbian talking have you – the guy in a wheelchair have you done that why don’t they put some pictures in there of things you will actually see at the college where’s the frat guy with a beer bong hanging out of his ass or how about a fat girl leaving a dorm room at 3 a.m. crying where’s that your parents want you go to college.
You know why cuz while you’re away at school they’re in your beds they are I’m sorry yes they are don’t run from it mommy and daddy are in your bed and your little kind of be made your dad spanking your mom’s ass with a Hot Wheels track as they both do blow off of your Hair Extensions jessica simpson poster that Nick Lachey jessica simpson is hot every dude in this room has had a fantasy about Eric Johnson jessica simpson here’s Jessica hold your sister Ashley so I can kick her in the throat you guys got to be careful man we’re.
Going to wake the Cinnabons down at the other end of the mall I do smoke cigarettes I know that’s wrong right we could smoke them in here tonight look at it it’s like a dirty bomb went off in the back pretty cloudy cigarettes of course or a guilty pleasure now kind of liked it a first cousin you know it’s wrong but it feels so right and you can’t do it once you get past airport security cigarettes are expensive and they used to be a quarter for a pack of smokes does anybody remember no because those guys are dead now they make cigarettes expensive because they think you’ll Cold Turkey quit smoking no one ever Laser Therapy quit smoking you just quit buying other shit like for me vitamins and fruit apples bananas kiwi did someone take Kiwi I haven’t had a kiwi in eight years have you seen a Kiwi it’s the weirdest of all the fruits it’s so expensive it’s green and it’s hairy like it’s hungover – sometimes when I’m jonesing for a Kiwi I’ll take a line cut it in half and throw some Removal Cream pubic hair on it yeah ghetto Kiwi I’m killing it’s all about diet people you got to eat right what’s the best thing to eat chicken and fish I think you why not combine the two penguin yeah come on think about it a penguins like a little bit of both isn’t he he’s a bird yet he swims he’s a buffet of good health and he’s waddling around tempting to eat him not a seagull that’s what you eat when you’re homeless BTK serial killer seagull that’ll be nothing goes better with hooker blood than see ego no one will eat a penguin because it too cute they’re too cute remember when you’re little and your dad or wherever is your mom takes you down to the zoo right I don’t want to leave anyone out here tonight everyone gets to play and they’d be like look at those little penguins aren’t they adorable wearing those tuxedos like they’re waiters in a fancy restaurant come on how could a waiter with a penguin really be let’s test it out who wants to help me you want to help me okay now you order like a meal or something I’ll be the penguin waiter let’s see how well he does go ahead chicken parmesan okay well I’d love to get you that when I get some hands I don’t have any hands talking about that I got a hit on today.
In an ice Magnum Ice cream store by a dude yeah I don’t know if that’s how you play it down here in Newport katuk I any hope I’m in the ice Carvel Ice cream store right the guy had him he’s ordering his ice cream but the whole time he’s hitting on me I swear to god he’s looking at me he’s I like mine with six inches of hot fudge on top what are you having I’m like pistachio would be good I guess because it’s vagina licious damn this pistachio is giving me a headache there’s a lot of hot women here tonight any look it up in the back Eddie redheads there you go red oh look how hot you are red let me ask you a question because I love redheads they’re just wild man how many dates red how many dates would it take for you to feel comfortable with me calling you clown pussy now it’s a turn one oh shit clown pussy when we’re loving circus snatch when we’re hating circuits that circus snatch you know that was the original title for the Reba McEntire show it’s true circus night don’t rethink let it go I was a moment all right I do a show right drink so when people see me they give me a drink what started me thinking that the next show I do what we call knock-knock I’d like a blow job now knock I like a blow job but I’m pregnant your mouths not pregnant Oh suck it too much some of these jokes are too.
Much people I understand are the best you can do is just roll over and let it drip out you know what I’m saying I don’t smoke pot I think that’s what’s holding me back in this world I do have a lot of pot tendencies where the pot heads okay I have a lot of pot tendencies I’m always late I laugh for no reason I like to watch jeopardy with the sound off and make up my own questions I got you guys I’m with pot heads want everyone to be on pot even their dog have you ever seen a pot head dog oh man it’s sad he’s wearing sunglasses he’s got a bandana on like he’s high I don’t do that with my dog I don’t make my dog lifted drunk lifestyle I don’t make my dog fatter dogs cuz he has no idea what he’s doing Oh fluffy you were hammered last night that wasn’t even a dog you were humping on that was a dirty bag of laundry you need to find dog Jesus whatever you say pop people woo to bed they don’t get excited about other things in life like jobs yeah let me try one of those College people where are you we got some coffee enjoy those years it do what you can people before you go to college they give you a brochure has anyone ever done anything in that brochure at the actual college have you saw them alone with an American Indian and Asian guy and lesbian talking have you high-five the guy in a wheelchair have you done why don’t they put some pictures in there of things you will actually see at the college key we did someone take Kiwi I haven’t had a Kiwi in eight years have you seen a Kiwi it’s the weirdest of all the fruits it’s so expensive it’s green and it’s hairy like it’s hungover – sometimes when I’m jonesing for a Kiwi I’ll take a line cut it in half and throw some Red Bumps pubic hair on it yeah ghetto Kiwi I’m killing it’s all about diet people you got to eat right what’s the best thing to eat chicken and fish I’m thinking why not combine the two penguin yeah come on think about it a penguins like a little bit of both isn’t he he’s a bird yet he swims he’s a buffet of good health and he’s waddling around tempting to eat them not a seagull that’s what you eat when you’re a homeless BTK serial killer seagull that’ll be good nothing goes better with hooker blood than see go no one will eat a penguin because it too cute they’re too cute remember when you’re little and your dad or wherever is your mom takes you down to the zoo right I don’t want to leave anyone out here tonight everyone gets to play and they’d be like look at those little penguins aren’t they adorable wearing those tuxedos like they’re waiters in a fancy restaurant come on how could a waiter with a penguin really be let’s test it out who wants to help me you want to help me okay now you order like a meal or something I’ll be the penguin waiter let’s see how well he does go ahead chicken parmesan okay well I’d love to get you that when I get some hands I’m have any hands talking about that I got a hit on today.
In an ice Hershey Ice cream store by a dude yeah I don’t know if that’s how you play it down here in Newport wonder no one’s with mom Anonymous Meetings crystal meth heads behind me we lost rolling crank lab what are we going to do mother crystalman how you wanted tonight you are well straighten up honey the show let’s put out the Annual Sale victoria’s secret and scream whore as the women walk out for dirty evil wearing those fancy panties did you paint this I didn’t know Mona Lisa had a so for traveling a lot of people I’m.
Glad to be here because know you guys got Myrtle Beach riverboat gambling Emerald Queen casino St Louis riverboat gambling that is a Chex Mix white trash Venus flytrap you want to get rid of the Fast Food white trash in America have a free Toby Keith concert on a casino riverboat and the boat will sing from the weight of their mullets it’s a little riverboat you see the steam coming out of the stack that’s not steam those are souls all right there was some Street Value crystal meth to be had that night Daily Mail crystal meth it gets a bad name let’s say you’re in a situation where Term Effects crystal meth can help like you got too many teeth you got to grind some of those out you can’t be looking all two feet down at the Waffle House I’m mostly a drunk you know I’m a drinker an alcoholic I’m not thank you it’s always good to have a wingman when you drink cuz I do a show where I drink you know thanks a lot hon good all right night where’s the frat guy with a beer bong hanging out of his ass or how about a fat girl leaving a dorm room at 3:00 a.m. crying where’s that Oh your parents want you go to college.
You know why because while you’re away at school they’re in your beds they are I’m sorry yes they are don’t run from it mommy and daddy are in your bed and your little kind of be you’re good spanking your mom’s ass with a hot wheel track as they both to blow off of your Fancy Love jessica simpson poster that Weight Watchers jessica simpson is hot every dude in this room has had a fantasy about Clothing Line jessica simpson here’s mine Jessica hold your sister Ashley so I can kick her in you guys got to be careful man we’re.
Gonna wake the Cinnabons down at the other end of the mall I do smoke cigarettes I know that’s wrong right we can smoke them in here tonight look at it it’s like a dirty bomb went off in the back pretty cloudy cigarettes of course or a guilty pleasure now kind of liked it a first cousin you know it’s wrong but it feels so right and you can’t do it once you get past airport security cigarettes are expensive and they used to be a quarter for a pack of smokes does anybody remember no because those guys are dead now they make cigarettes expensive because they think you’ll Side Effects quit smoking no one ever Gain Weight quit smoking you just quit buying other shit like for me vitamins and fruit apples bananas hey my fellas groaning he’s tight the best I was going in through the show we’re the partnership all right I’m.
After all here you guys ready to see your head let me hey you know uncle the star of The Justin Bieber comedy central TV show it’s on yet with Jon Stewart comedy central dave attell ladies and gentlemen Road Work dave attell thank you Newport Kentucky.
Thank you of it a hand for Rick and Matt give them a hand everybody you know I’m doing a DVD those where you.
See all the cameras and stuff around here this is an e true Hollywood story or some bullshit it’s the place to do it because Kentucky parties because you guys invented fun here in Kentucky that’s right people I’m talking Jack Daniels machine guns and lube that’s your party you guys Suite Life party pick it up people some of you are probably hammered already if you are drunk here’s a drinking tip remember later on tonight when you’re super hammered its pants down then shit all right nobody likes a messy backseat of a squad just cause you’re drinking Scotch doesn’t mean you wearing a kilt all I’m glad to be what the is that