Big applause for mr. Joe Rogan joey diaz let’s keep it gone for the beautiful if you guys are looking for comedy tonight this ain’t the night to come here alright so I hope you’re not looking at how hard he cuz that is not your ha I’m taking into Jack Savoretti deep waters after I tell you this story you might not like me you might take your name off with it I will not be your Facebook friend there will be no more Zoo Ville my boys and none of that shit so I’m just telling you right now if you dig me leave now because I’m taking it the Bible Verse deep waters alright the day I kidnapped fella was the best and the worst day of my life depending on how you look at it again the day I kidnapped Vella was either the worst or the best day of my you guys are looking at me going you kidnapped somebody that’s tremendous I didn’t know I was kidnapping somebody I was doing an old-fashioned American drug rip you bring the drugs I bring the cash and I take home the drugs and the cash but somewhere in the American law book they call the kidnapping so leave it there give it a name and I’m saying this is 2012 this is I’m gonna take it back to November 18th of 1987 the day I kidnap Vella but before I kidnapped Vella I gotta tell you my state of mind just so you know January of 87 I left Aspen Colorado where thought I was a drug dealer because I ended up I was making a bank and then I started snorting again and Austin I owe like sixty thousand and I got paranoia like that paranoia stage where I would throw coke away and I would it was horrible so I had to leave I knew they were watching me they were watching me I knew all that stuff and then one night I just packed up and left with my girlfriend the dog and it was the scariest night I had a gun and we kept stopping at hotels but we were going to hotel and we’d do a line and we get paranoid so we checked the out I must have spent 2000 hotels that first night this went on from Aspen all the way to Boulder and we went back to Boulder we got there over the holidays and we kind of stayed with her mother and her father hated they were polish and I’m CUBAN they didn’t like me to at all you follow me but you know she was happy they didn’t know that we had just done all these crimes so we’re sitting there eating Christmas dinner of these happy Batman Smells jingle bells Christmas Songs jingle bells and I’m sitting there going if these motherfuckers knew you know I’m saying it wouldn’t be no Piano Sheet jingle bells in this house right now but you know life went on and I got a job I got a job as a shagger at a Tea Tree body shop making 390 an hour times 80 hours a week fixing cars and washing cars and just all I wanted was to have a job and I wanted my life to be normal you know I got an apartment I borrowed money from a friend of mine in Jersey an apartment a job I got some clothes I got the shitty job I did for like two months but it was you were doing we worked for a car dealership a couple of them Subaru he had a couple different dealers so I would do the cars for all the different dealers and I got assigned Subarus so I became friends with the sales manager Subaru Family Guy guy’s name was Pinto little tallying guy from Jersey a real scumbag he was I didn’t know it you know but he liked me he always talked to me shit and he goes dog you should Gta 5 sell cars over here no cars you know that shit and then they promoted me to a detailer I was really making nice cash now like grand a week I was working like a six days a but I was making some cash and this guy kept asking to come over and Gta V sell cars I’m finally got my shit together I was actually going to school at night to see you bold a continuing education I wasn’t doing too bad no matter what position I was in I was always going to classes at even if I was selling coke and I was a junkie I would always manage get to health and fitness class for three credits I don’t know how the I did it at night you know I’m saying I started at Colorado Mountain College and I did that for like a year and a half in Colorado and all said when I went to see you Boulder I transferred in and one day at Boulder they said to me hey you can’t take these continuing ed classes you have too many credits you have to transfer into Universal take me in for the University so I try it so I tried it Alex Jones joey diaz and they gave me the application done you’re in no danger but if your name was Ap Spanish jose diaz so I tried it Rogan Podcast joey diaz and they gave me the application done you’re in no danger but if your name was Nightly News jose diaz boy is there opportunity for you at this white school you know I’m saying because you’re like the fourth Latino so it would be just rockin for you we’ll give you money a car you get your dick sucked you have to do homework and I’m saying you’ll be living like a football player so I’m like ain’t this a bitch to put Jose down whatever I’m coming to school with maracas you know me long as they’re paying I’ll do whatever the you I’m gonna do I don’t give a it I’m saying long as I can or coke and do my thing and y’all at Ricky Ricardo I’m going out talk with a accent how are you today oh it but you gotta pay me bitch I’m saying so I go to this Pinto guy like he’s busting my balls donkey going to school at night you should really come Forza Horizon sell cars in the daytime so finally one day you know what I come on Sunday you know and I American Idol went home that week and I had a suit and a shirt I’d dust it off and I went in that Sunday and he goes just go out there they gave me like a five minute training course I knew nothing about Subarus they’re like it’s got a hood it’s got a Cena’s got an engine it’s four-wheel-drive some guy Jim from the Troy I love this he had no tooth that was real you know I’m saying like he had scars on his forehead he didn’t give a and this guy was a top guy he’s like this high yourself cars do this so just gonna try it the first day I sold three cars I made a thousand bucks like what do you want to do I said let me call the Vitamin E body shop and tell him to suck my dick you understand me I gotta work all week for a grand I made a grand selling three cars I’m in I went to Fashion bar I got a credit card I got like 19 suits watch the suit watch the suit you don’t saying I was ready and shit right so I start Top 10 selling cars you know I’m a natural at this shit I’m just out there talking to people laughing and busting people’s balls and I was making seven eight thousand a month with a suit on they gave me a car to drive around and for the first time I wasn’t a criminal no more I was like oh my God look at this I found my calling you know I get up in the morning I work hard I sent postcards I call people and I sell them cars you know and you have some time off during the week I can hike I can play my dog plus I got money man when you’re 24 years old you got 7 grand at 10 grand a month in your pocket and ain’t bad I was clean and sober I mean that was smoking dope and lifting weights but I wasn’t eating valiums and snorting coke and nothing like that so finally I’m rocking and rolling at this Subaru dealership and one day I said listen my buddy wants to buy a car sell this car and I go it’s 500 bucks a week later my buddy calls me Tony I got a bill for 1,500 bucks these guys were thieves I said listen the guy wants his 1,500 back they’re like nah we’re not gonna give it back to him and when I got a one of those things a sledgehammer and I got a top one of the car I don’t like for customers and I said you don’t get my money back I’m gonna start smashing windshields in this and they said all right we’ll give you your money back so I gave me back my 15 but they sent me home for the day and on the way home I seen this clock chrysler-plymouth place that was like a little white mom-and-pop store it was a dodge play so they sold trucks to farmers and a Chrysler Plymouth place they had like three cars there’s kayak a car had just brought him back but it was in my store that gave me a nice salary so I stopped in there and I applied and they go come back Monday I told the Subaru store sucking my dick so I said it you know the Subaru store was just a bunch of criminals man and once I realized they were all criminals I felt shitty about myself I’m saying I mean they had a guy norm that was in and out of jail and he come back to Drag Racing sell cars the next day like nothing and he used to teach me how to piss test in those days this guy used to tie a douche bottle around his body with the hose to his dick and he would pee in the thing with the douche thing this guy was a genius and there was another guy Carlos was a bank and he was robbing banks at lunchtime while he was Gta 5 selling cars you understand this was from Boston he was Italian and Cuban one day I’m at lunch high in the back smoking a pipe and the place is surrounded by SWAT I’m like what the they were looking for Carlos this is a real car dealership they would throw people’s keys on the roof and shit this is crazies motherfuckers started drinking at 10:00 in the morning this is no joke these mother no licenses DUIs but these guys sold cars I mean this was eight salesmen who sold 300 cars a month we were guerrillas out there and you had a trip people and they would tackle you and they would say things to you like your soup don’t look right or your breath stinks or it would get in your head it’s called pissing on your leg and these guys were geniuses you know mean I don’t want to be a criminal I just want to make money and be a mom-and-pop I go over the Chrysler it’s the American Way and I’m saying dydz the Way American people I walked in there was not one American in there everything but a American and there was sniffling – everybody was sniffling the first day they I’m like oh everybody snorts coke everybody gets high – an owner like the manager was like this old Jewish Criminal Minds guy’s name was Artie and he would be sniffling all day but his mother know how to sell a car he was a Jew he knew and he taught me bro and I got good this used to start with a credit at first and break him down psychologically he’s like if they tell you their personal shit then you own these motherfuckers would he was a Jew dog you follow me old-school he wore the yarmulke and had diamonds on it that means he was a real Jew it I’m wearing diamonds on my shit blood ones I don’t give a I got a finger on one hanging let’s only go this guy was the last of the real Jews it could be ten to nine and the guy could be driving on a bike let’s go out and sell that a car and he would sell him a car I got my money I don’t give a we’ll drive with the house and get your walk this guy was amazing salesman I remember one night this asian guy came in and he’s like what do you want to do in the guys like think I want to buy a car he didn’t even around he goes you got money and the guy had one of those things and he opened it up I got 15,000 he goes it go let’s sell this he took me a cellar sell his a car the deal was we sold him a car but the next day either drive me to a Chrysler place to get the car he wanted this guy’s an Asian he’s a freak here’s 100 bucks take him to a Gta 5 strip club we’re gonna get this guy for every dollar he’s got on the way home I stopped at Charlie whatever the ones that’s naked with a woman who dance where you bring your own shit this I started drinking that yin-yang juice he got all fired up and then he was sweating and shit he didn’t want to leave how much for the car 18,000 here’s three five and more every ten minutes I hit him up for another he just kept giving me traveler’s check with Mao tse-tung’s pictures on it this guy had real paper and shit so this door was crave is for salesmen and everybody was jacked up so finally after a month I said you know what it I’m gonna start doing blow and it was the most crazy store because two of the salesmen would do blow and hide so I would come in buy a gram give him two bumps and that got rid of two salesmen for the day so now I was me and Rob but there was only four of us I got to think like a Jew when you’re around Jews so now was robbed he was half a Jew but he snorted coke too and had he used to be superstitious he had a lucky red pen so whatever he was selling the car he put the red pen down I’d steal it that’s Jew type shake it I’m saying he’d come back where’s my red pen I have no idea he would not sell that car he’d go to a stationary store and buy another Parker pen I would take the pens and just hide him in the ceiling just a torch every time he was in our role I’d steal a red pen I can’t sell a car without my red pad I used to crack everybody I was captain crack in there then he started selling blow because he couldn’t make enough money at like nine kids he’d be sweating all day with glasses on they’d be all up but he didn’t have the balls he didn’t the balls to take the coke home with him cuz of wife and kids so he would hide at the dealership you can’t do that shit around me I figured him out when that I called him like 11 you got anything nights at the dealership bang the next day service opens at 6:15 I’m there at 607 with a flashlight in the hat with a light I’m looking for so I would take the coat take the coke out and put aspirin in there and put the back in the ceiling he’d come in I watch him I’m like watch this I’d watch him going to the back I’d watch him reach take the coke out of the ceiling go on the bathroom they come out that cocaine somes right dying I’m playing violin like this cocksucking getting the headache today I would torture these dudes the whole deal NRT and then I found that arty but manager this 60 year old Jew was the dealer he was getting coke sent to him right from like Bogota and he had the Chrysler store and the Dodge store hoppin and that Dodge store was good old boys you couldn’t with those motherfuckers I didn’t go down there cuz they were like ex Vietnam vets like Vietnam War hamburger hill and shit like that talkin about eating people there was one guy that was threatened yeah I’ll kill if you don’t buy a goddamn car drop there was nuts so I became nuts this Hunger Games guy’s name was Dale he was in Clint Eastwood hamburger hill and we went to see the movie Philip Glass hamburger hill when I came out he’s like that’s a lie he was yelling at the screen he wanna go I’m gonna beat the camera guy up my dog he’s just update thousand hour em didi Mau he hated everybody he hated everybody he wouldn’t sought me all day for being Cuban but he loved me I know he loved me know you speak it’s people like you ruin in this country but I loved it I loved in the Cubans they came over they cut the prices of cocaine its Rick he was always I love racist people you got I love him and I love one that races against me that’s what I laugh even harder I love it I love all is this dealership and the manager down there was Jim he was crazy – this guy was having his wife was the SMA manager and he was her at work I mean they were doing coke and finally I got into an argument one day with Jim I said Jim you we almost went to blows and I but by this time I was up I’m gone more than when I lived in Jersey I’m gone more than while I lived so I said I’m going back to Subaru with those criminals if I’m gonna be a criminal I’m gonna go make criminal money and I’m gonna go snort coke die drink and do it crash a demo and go to jail and come out and Csr Racing sell cars and make 10,000 I didn’t give a I was already committed to this shit so I went back they had fired Peter behind this new guy Wayne and I love this from day like an old sons of anarchy type he had tattoos and shit was the eighties nobody had tattoos this guy he was crowded and he just dubbed me he dug me so call me the renegade you’re the Cuban around again I love your people dawg I love your people I love you you’re all renegades and shit so he understood me so he gave it to me he took care of me and there was a lot of new faces there but this is one face I hadn’t seen before and his name was Bella good-looking dude I was 24 he was maybe 26 got like a cut lip like he had already been beat up a couple times and you know he looked like he was up for a Huey Lewis couple days so here I was up for a Pregnancy Symptoms couple days he’s up for a Light Bleeding couple days so obviously you just navigate to one another you know I’m saying and we started talking and I’m feeling them out but at the time you know it’s so up when you have that kiss of death loser mentality the better things are going you just want to it up you know bad as things were they could have been worse in New York I could have been not sleep and carrying a gun and here I was just 10 Best selling cars making money and I was still it up but I would talk to my friends back home you know in Jersey and they go on skiing and they’re doing eight balls now oh geez and then I am in Colorado hanging out with a bunch of farmers going to bed at 10 o’clock at night walking around campus with a book in my hand I’m like this I’m 24 I gotta make a score and I’m going back to Jersey I’m gonna dump this chick you know my friend that lives with me out here from Jersey I’m sick of his goody-goody life I need a school and this kid comes over to me right after I say this to my friend hang up the phone this is Denver again some it’s a Monday night so the dealership was quiet so I would usually call long distance on that night trust me I was a 24-hour walking scam you know I had a phone at the house but I use long distance at the dealership it I was horrible I was a horrible person so now I’m sitting in on my how am I gonna get back home and this fella guy comes up to me one morning and he goes hey man can you give me a ride to a liquor store I mean he was like nine o’clock so I figured cigarettes are rolling papers with normal people me in the morning you know when we get to liquor so he goes hey man you want something I get me like a diet coke or whatever he was you don’t want no rum and I’m like no he comes back with like a half gallon of vodka and he sits down and he starts drinking it straight and we go back to the dealership and he’s like you want a bumper so I knew this guy was already trouble and I liked it like I’m gonna hang out with this guy he’s perfect for me I mean birds of a feather flock together and so we talked for about a week and one language gonna give me a ride home give him a ride home and it has no license you know and he’s telling me how you got this DUI quote for possession and they gonna throw him in jail he doesn’t want to do time so his roommate where he was staying had two kilos of coke and he was gonna rob sell it at wholesale and move to Arizona and start a new life somebody that’s cool so he goes if you know anybody that wants to buy coke wholesale let me know so we go upstairs and I go give me like twenty dollars worth he gives me like a 8-ball and I go home and every bump I’m doing it home my mind is going and like I’m gonna Rob this is the owner this is it you know at this point guys I was robbing everything that wasn’t nailed down the five grand the month I was making it wasn’t even paying for nothing I was snorting that up I was going in the mornings and robbing the soda machine mean I was stealing so mean I was a 24-hour theft machine 24-hour felonies every day my roommate who was also from New Jersey north bergen was renting out the new cars to strippers at the bus stop on a daily rate and putting a plate on it for the dealer and I was getting a cut of that it was twenty four-hour madness you know I would go to the knob Rob Boulder was not prepared for a character like me I would what I’m telling you I would want I walked out of the mall one time with a CD player radio shack she’s picked it up and walked out with the box nobody stopped me nobody said nothing you know I figured out how to steal by not stealing I would go to maybe NF pick up a blanket for 300 bring it to the tingle my mother bought me this I got three of them and they looking at it like we don’t have any other one I really wanted a blanket and they’re like well we could either give you a check or cash I don’t really need the cash but I’ll take it if you have it and they put like $199 then you get 260 plus tax they even give you a tax I was going in there bringing back a blanket and getting 200 that’s the time to express no machines are just trying to get hot I was Joey expressos everybody I knew how to expressional machine even if they didn’t drink coffee I finagled one other you just give me 60 bucks bro they’re 200 new just give me 60 who you know somebody wants to come over they want coffee yeah you want everything I was a 24-hour selling stealing snortin crazy and I had a great girlfriend but she lived with her parents so she would go home 9:30 at night and I would just go off the deep end she come back I get seven with my shirt iron whoo that was a good night’s sleep I hadn’t slept for weeks I had to slap so this is my mindset so I’m thinking about this guy like a pork chop right now I mean let’s face it at this time right now I was just looking to kill somebody I really I was just leaving looking to kill somebody looking to kill myself at this point I just wanted to score I was still angry about my mom dying the drug situation I didn’t have it good I had to work for everything had I was angry like most kids are at 24 when they gotta work everyday you want a better life you wish your akka – Ian you don’t know what the you want but know you don’t want this at 24 I had no family I had this girl I’m living in Boulder around surrounded by Republicans I don’t know all these waspy fucks I don’t know these people I don’t know these people I’m from High School north bergen New Jersey dog where people look like they retarded you know I don’t know these nice-looking people that say good morning to you in the morning you know what that’s like the first time something goes good morning like go yourself good more than I know good morning he I don’t know you those people were nice people man I’m a animal guys I’m an animal and that coke at this guy’s house turned me into the Savage that I was listening I’m gonna tell you guys a story right I grew up in New York City in that area I know LA and they got gangs everybody’s tough let me tell you something there’s the difference between talking about the different to a shooting somebody in the head in Boulder Colorado I met more killers that would take in those woods they would take in those woods in Boulder I knew a couple of Viet Nam’s that’s at Agent Orange they were missing half their face they even told me we don’t shoot people in Boulder we just put peanut butter in their pockets and tie them up to a tree in the woods you come back the next day there’s an elbow and a tooth that’s it those bears ory right through you follow me and then throw Santa Monica police shooting animals up there most cops don’t give a it’s like Vegas what happens in the woods stays in the woods you follow me you follow on the same team so there’s some animals so I started thinking about I knew these two Vietnam that’s that we’re up there that was dying to kill people they didn’t even give a you just had to give these guys a reason to stab somebody so I’m sitting there going who can I get to help me with the scam you know I already had the scam setup in my head I set up a dealer with another guy with a fake buyer I really had the move in my head I had done it before I was in Colorado by myself Who am I got a recruit I didn’t have that many days to get my buddies out there plus my buddies stick out it took me eight years to accumulate and let you know to learn how to walk in Colorado without sticking the out when you’re from Jersey is the way talk you don’t mention pizza know you don’t talk about bagels you know these morons come more from there’s blonde pussy walking around I’m rollerskates you can chase these bitches and you’re worried about a bagel you bum oh so I’m like who the am I gonna get to kill Who am I gonna get to help me take the drugs off kid this is a perfect so this guy was a grape you know listen when the drug scene came up a lot of people thought they were gonna become dealers these guys had no experience selling stamps you follow me you never even had a paper route and now they wanted to become drug dealers and let me tell you something when it comes to life is dirty when it comes to drugs kilos and shit it becomes a different situation that turns people into different things and it’s scary and here I was scaring the shit out of myself I’m sitting there going I’m taking this down I called one of my buddies and he’s like I can’t make it I work for the airlines I love to rob them with you this guy was crazy but he couldn’t get off he had a girlfriend so I had to I had this guy in Boulder I worked at the Bb Cream body shop with know you got these guys a guy that just tries to be cool but he’s retarded you know he had to go T tattoo the leather jacket the sports car motorcycle the pit bull he had everything to be cool you know he hung out with motorcycle guys in a Gta 4 strip club when he sold you drugs was like a James Bond movies I come here and everything with you know and the guy was half a Malmo but he wasn’t a bad guy so I’m like maybe the Tidwell without me it was Ted well he was a idiot been the Navy for ten years even in San Diego now he was in love with a stripper who danced at a nude place are you ready guys she danced at a new La Jolla strip club as she was divorcing her husband so she left the husband and moved into tidwell’s bedroom he had a sleep on couch the reasoning she was in love with him but she wouldn’t sleep with him until she got a divorce because she was Catholic you I’m gonna say that again or did you guys comprehend that the first shot she made this moron sleep on the couch why she went into bed with that hot little body and he slept on the couch like a you know the I don’t even know what there’s after three nights something I’m going in there I’m kicking the door down I’m her feet something’s going down you’re not gonna live here for a week for free you got to wash it dish you got SUP a dick something’s gotta happen here that Catholicism guilt I’m Catholic too bitch will write it all off together how eat your pussy and we’ll go to confession together alright when he told me this I’m like I got this grape – so the deal was set he was gonna be the dealer he I was gonna be the middleman and Val was gonna be the victim so we had to get the timing just right we had like a week to work with cuz his trial was like in three weeks or something where he had a plea bargain now there’s an expression what a tangled web we weave when we tangled to deceive that played out that day it’s November 18 everything said tidwell’s parents had money so his mother had property and bowls of his dumb and she had rental property in Boulder so he was gonna use one of her houses to set him up when he told me this I go Your Mother has rental properties and you’re robbed and shit I got no family I’m not here robbing for myself every day I understand that but you got a nice ah whatever he goes just bring him over here and we’ll do the drug deal here bye mug him here and the plan was we’re gonna mug him he was the middleman he without a gun I wasn’t act surprised oh my god what’s happening here he was gonna put me against the wall he was gonna take valleys shit we’re gonna put fell in the car take him to the bus and I rezoning your made he bucks and put him on the bus and tell him never to come back he was gonna look like he robbed the guy his roommate that was my brilliant plan that was it I was on the street stealing for eight years and that was my brilliant plan now I wouldn’t just pick the guy up shot dragged him into the woods and taking the coke and nobody would have known nothing I would have had a conscience though I would have snapped you know I would’ve ratted myself on Facebook or some shit I killed fell in 87 oh please Lord cos do you know so with all that you know I’m like that was the plan so I called Vella that night after work we worked together on Sunday and he was let’s do it Tuesday I’ll Rob the coke Randy’s gone for the whole day he won’t come back to a mine he won’t even realize what’s going on it’s perfect boom no worries Monday you know I’m thinking about this in my head I’m looking at my girlfriend looking in my room and my dog and I’m like you know what this is all great but I got to go with the plan I got to do this it’s over I don’t want to do this no more I am what I am at that time I couldn’t break out of the piece of shit mentality I was like I did all these things I’m never gonna do nothing better it let me just Rob this guy between you and me I really wanted to shoot somebody at that time I just wanted to get it over with even if it was just in the ankle even if it was in the leg I just was I just wanted to get it out of the way I had worked with all these guns on like today’s the day I had this 9-millimeter that I had from Aston when he says sell guns and I had it hidden in my front yard I would never comes I didn’t want any problems and how she brings bad luck so I put in the front yard in the bag and I wrap it up with saran wrap and all that shit I took it out and I put it the trunk of the car and I picked up valor and I buzz and he goes come on upstairs know my perfect case the place out so I go upstairs he was coming in and he takes this big bag of blow out of the drawer he gives me a bump and he puts it back and he takes a rock I mean it was like to do this rock when he goes to grind it up the grind is filled with coke so he goes we’ll just take this coke Sidwell as a sample I go perfect you know it’s nice and shiny it’ll love it so I see the bag I see the grinder and I see a stack of money in there for me closer to Desmond let’s go and wise we’re going you guys know what a drop ceiling is it’s these squares it’s helped by beams it goes that way in that way and it has these little styrofoam things that you push up and you can hide shit in the 80s 70s and then take your gun up there and nobody would know but you get up and leave it halfway open so people are like ah somebody move that piece right there it’s one of the way out he goes that’s where the coke is we come back would you just help me climb up and we’ll get it in it’s yours and we’ll sell it to your buddy so I knew the whole layout of the place we get in the car boom we’re driving the tidwell’s house as I’m making the left on a canyon Boulevard you know when something makes you look up like I just looked up and I seen BCTC a community Correctional Facility and I just made a mental note and that should have been right there if that was today I would have made that u-turn and said we’re gonna Rob this guy but not today cuz I seen that sign I’m real superstitious but I said it superstitious motherfuckers going down I’m gonna have a kilo tonight I’m gonna snort half of it I’m gonna rub it all over my body and my nutsack I’m gonna find some chick at a bar to lick it I’m gonna have a blast tomorrow morning I’m gonna go to Denver Airport I’m gonna take a first-class flight I’m gonna snort the whole way to Newark I’m gonna go party with the devils and I’m going out that’s I’m doing something that’s it that was my brainstorm plan I picked this up boom he shows me everything we get in the car we’re driving we get the word Tidwell is I get out and we walk in I introduce him I mean the plan was talk to the kid for a little while soften him up and then pull this out and got our girls hold on one sec me turns around with a machine gun alright he’s pointing it at me him and I’m like what the I’m like did well down he’s like you to get on your hands knees and all this shit on my kid but what the and he goes bring him in the other room so bring him in the other room and he’s like are you in on this and I got to tell you guys I felt like a Mook because I’m the type of thief but I want to rob you I’m looking at eyes if I’m gonna Robbie that’s ours Ray’s feeling the dual crime see I’m gonna look at you I’m not gonna go in there like a faggy way like oh my god what a surprise I didn’t like that shit so already I was starting to feel bad this isn’t my type of my game was put the gun out let’s take robbed him that said all his charades and all this faggot tree was killing me it was killing me so we take him into this room you know we tie him up he goes tie him up I go you tie him up ain’t I know love you’re robbing me – you gotta tie me up – you tied him up and he doesn’t tie me up so the kid automatically knows he goes how can you do this I know dawg you set yourself up you know this game are you gonna show up at me with 4 pounds of coke I gotta come at me for pounds of coke I’m a shark are you gonna show up like that it’s 1987 look at me I’m ready to stab somebody the plan was to blur was gonna go back to the house we give the guy laid out the kids keys he goes back to the house he’s gonna look to the house I don’t tell Ted well where nothing is I go Ted why I didn’t go up there I don’t know what it’s like just go through the house 25 minutes comes back his Momo walks in and he says to me I went in then all I found was an 8-ball and $60 so know I don’t say none I go really they double crossed us so I run into the room and I go fella where’s the blow he went over wasn’t there fellas like I don’t know what you’re talking about fella knew what I was talking about he played it all perfectly so I go back out and I go you know what bro I started thinking I go you know what you’re me there was more blow I was over there I seen the 3,000 he’s like no wasn’t there was only 60 bucks and all this shit I go you know what I’m out of this I’m leaving you here with this idiot and you figure the out he goes if you leave I’m gonna shoot you I knew this guy was in love with that dumb Catholic girl he was English he couldn’t wait to give her the money for the divorce to eat that little strip of pussy he couldn’t wait you could see in his eyes he was like hypnotized by so I go he goes I’m gonna shoot you and him if you leave I know this guy was half a wimp I walk through the door like a listen bro just write it off take him to the airport do what the doing them you tried to me too I walked out of there I was in a bunch now I got a dilemma I got to do something and I thought about car that gun in the trunk I looked at the car I looked around the neighborhood I go if I go back in there I could shoot both these idiots take the coke and nobody would ever know nobody’s in this neighborhood it’s out by the sticks they wouldn’t find these guys for a month and by that time I’d be done with the blow and Bogota snorting with Lawrence Taylor saying I’m getting down with somebody you know I’m showing up with four pounds I get anybody to do blow me at that point who are you this is who the I am open the door or you’ll be in there looking out windows by yourself so I go you know what let me just shoot these motherfuckers when I pop the trunk I looked at the gun I had it hidden under the spare tire I took it I looked at it and I go you know what if I shoot that idiot and the other cuz dead men don’t tell tales I a nudist I knew this going in here’s why new even better 1985 I was about to leave New York and I went to 148 Street to cop a bag of weed I was just up there and my Santeria godmother 148 Broadway and I just happened to go up there because he would always give me 50 bucks so I went up there as I come and she’s like let me read the cards for you in all this shit I didn’t see my godmother like two years because my stepdad had got into a shootout in New York and she wouldn’t let him in so he told me if you see that cunt don’t have a plug for that I gave her tons of money and I’m shot and the guy is shot and he won’t let me in my father was from a different planet he’s a nice people I don’t want somebody bleeding in their house and I didn’t care knocked I love this she was good to me as a kid she was gonna curl the cards for you and she’s like you’re doing cocaine and she didn’t know me to do that stuff right I ran with her she knew I hated drugs stuff and she goes plus stop doing that cuz you’re gonna get yourself in trouble and don’t do business with three people don’t ever get involved with three it’s always gonna be two or four because two people could always turn against you right there all these thoughts are going into my head all these thoughts they told me I knew not to do business with these two idiots I knew it going in the only way I’m gonna solve this problem is to shoot the motherfuckers that’s the only way I’m gonna solve this problem I took it I cracked that gun I put in the back I looked around I knocked in the door and kid was like what and I looked at him and he was so weak as a man I was like what would I gain from shooting this moron and this other moron that let this happen to him he didn’t even see the score he’s so coked out all of us are gonna get what we deserve but you know I still gotta live with myself ain’t worth having these two dummies blood at that time America’s Most Wanted just started coming on so I knew this shit they would find you listen if I ever done something bad I went back to Nj 07047 north bergen you have to come in there with an army to get me because I grew up with those cops and they would tell me everything I grew up with the DA my hometown just got busted for bringing weed from here the and north to Phone Number north bergen I grew up with these savages it’s in our heart we’re all savages at the end of the day we are what the are you could put a suit on me sweater a stage I’m a savage and that’s just how it is and I should have killed this but something was like Joey get in the car go kick that door down and salvage those kilos because hopefully this didn’t get it guys he had a doorman and that whole thing you know when you walk into a building there’s a guy with a hat and they opened the door for you when I got out a car the guy would usually say to you like that time he’s like who you here to see he could tell when I pulled up on my body language he just opened the door and didn’t even ask that’s the body language I didn’t think about it till that night like that guy would have to I know those buildings in Boulder they had those people they pay him good so they ask questions this guy seen me coming with his little hat on who I scream hat on I hain’t just open that door and put his head down and basically as I was hitting door the Lord was right there with me if some lady was getting her mail and she was going in so I went after I pressed three I went up to the third floor I mean guys I went a like Outlaw Josey Wales there was no stop I was like a terminator that or the elevator went Bing and I just went down the hallway I went up to the door there was no knocking there was nothing I had that piece behind me I kicked that door down and I went in and that ceiling hangs it’s a suspended ceiling I got my gorilla jeans I jumped up and I pull the whole ceiling down they went BAM blood was on my hands I didn’t give a I was taking this coke and I was leaving town on I heard boom and this dust and I look over this is baggy and it was rapper Columbian newspaper the mother lode right there I sacked and even read what the weather wasn’t Bogota the week before you know I’m saying I was like it was 86 in Bogota two weeks ago ain’t this a look at this shit I picked up that coke I put in a brown paper bag I walked down the stairs like I own the building I went in the drawer there was no cash in there the grinder was gone the blow was gone but I had the four pounds I walked out of that I did an old school trick I thought the cops are looking for me but this guy was gonna call the cops I got my car and I drove and I pulled over and there’s those newspaper machines you put a quarter in you know those things idiots that you pop open next time you pop it open look at the bottom there’s a little stash down there that’s old school that’s where the old school coke dealers used to put this shit that’s why whenever I got a paper I always looking the bottom it might be a jackpot and I’m saying the internet nobody gives you found the coke in the Internet when you go get a paper for a quarter but boom it’s like Vegas so pay attention to the important things people okay so I said it I don’t want the cops follow me I hit in there that’s old school shit and I X Factor went home I called my buddy at the dealer and I said listen go to that newspaper thing and just go straight to Aspen I got a guy up there that’s waiting for the four pounds just take it right up – when I’ll call him telling her on the way take sell it and come right the back get the cash don’t get the cash having Western Union it I knew this guy for years I said just get rid of it there’s gonna be a problem I took a little piece out of it you know me how to celebrate solo I took a little piece I stopped at the liquor store I bought like whatever a beer and I Amazing Race went home locked the door and I just snorted and thought of what my next move was I didn’t know what was happening over there that night about ten o’clock he knocks on my door Tidwell he’s like where the are you I got a dilemma I gotta get this guy out of the city and I’m like it’s ten o’clock I left you with two you didn’t get him out he’s like we gotta go back and find the coconut like we can’t go now the guy is there he didn’t know that I had already shipped the coke was already on the way to Aspen it was out of my possession the scale was out of the house everything I knew something’s gonna happen I was just gonna play it out a Brown Discharge couple days I’m gonna see if I get the money and fly out I couldn’t make a plane reservation my plan was to drive out of New Mexico or Vegas is something like that just to avoid anything I leaves he threatens me again I go you know what the mood I’m in you dumb you got away with murder before you’ve been stoned and you’re driving down a block in the valley or in Hollywood listen idiot next to you on a bicycle and you’re really high and you almost hit him in and realize you almost killed him he just don’t know he’s riding with his helmet all and you want to pull over and say you don’t know how lucky you came to die and I’m saying you ever get that high you just zoom past the bicyclist you like woo and I don’t know it’s his lucky day woo I didn’t see that guy I definitely see that guy that’s how lucky this guy was like I felt like saying you know how lucky you were dog I spared you and I despair that a loser get the off my balcony by this time I got to blow on me I’m warmed up I really told the girl for not to come down I wasn’t a jerk-off that night I had to think I had to go into deep concentration about what my next move was that I knew there was he left and some part of I just passed out and drank you know when you pass out you don’t even remember pass on you just wake up and your zippers open and there’s a phone next to your dead pppp my zipper wasn’t here I just woke up too you know one of those things and I go to the window and I look and this is the detailer at the Subaru place the in-house guy blazing Brent a little crazy Irish crazy this guy would eat snort pills glue and banana tablets this guy didn’t give a he’d be back there buffing cars all day just sweating how are you good he just got that so he shows up he’s like dog listen I don’t mean to wake you but they got the building surrounded at the dealership and they’re about ten minutes behind me they’re in there right now Wayne’s throwing him off he took me in the back and said go over and wake him up and get him out of here I get dressed I get my everything I kissed a dog I feed the dog is I’m walking across the street I see the cops coming down my block those two idiots like a black white and a regular unmarked car and I cross this street and I go across the street and I call my girlfriend that the haircut in place and I go hey you gotta pick me up that was a problem with Ted well you got to pick me up soon as possible I didn’t even know what it happened at this point I just knew something happened the cops are looking after I hang up I go for my weed and you can’t leave the house without your weed and I had good we like I was getting this bullet I we’d sent out from Jersey that chocolate shit that you’re making smoking dreadlock there I couldn’t just leave it in the house this is how crazy was I said I’m going back to get that wheat I don’t care what cops are waiting for me so when I walk like two blocks cross the street and walk the side streets to my backyard behind jump the fence when in the house you know I mean now is getting the weed I look down there’s a cop car out there waiting for me like an unmarked there I got my weed I went out the back door and I know when I was crossing there was another car coming he looked right at me I’m like this is not like a TV show they would already had me if this is a TV show what kind of cops are these idiots I just went and got my weed walked around so I get back to route or King Soopers it was and there’s my girlfriend she takes me up to the house and I go up there once I get to the house I start making calls and I found out Bella Tidwell put Vella in the trunk of the car he was gonna drive them Denver to take a bus to midnight bus but when he left my house he forgot to put his headlights on are you ready he got pulled over for no headlights come on the guy asked him for the registration here hmm mm-hmm he was what the is going on he pulled his gun ah they opened the trunk in this fella that’s the luck I got that’s the luck this is how deep God was gonna get me for this one God was getting me it all came down to not turning your headlights on okay food for thought motherfuckers if you ever kill somebody but your headlights on that’s what I found out it’s in the paper it’s in the paper that they found them a drug situation and that my name was they’re still looking for a third victim so I just stood there for like two days finally the second day I couldn’t take it they lived in the mountains I came down I rented above the law it was just out brand-new and lethal weapon was just that was the hot movie on VHS you know so I was out of weed too so I don’t go the weed dealer get some weed when I go to the video store my bunny at the car dealership said listen the detective came and gave me a card you should call him the guy seemed okay he wasn’t okay it’s good bad cop so I got the kids number and I called the cops but I call her from a Kmart and there was an Albertsons across the street in the Coco’s restaurant and I called them who came along I want talk to Detective whatever and he goes hold on one second who’s calling Bert Kreischer joey diaz they had me on hold trying to trace the call whoa hang up I watch a lot of TV shows dog and at that time there was no discovery there was none of that shit we had three channels but you learn after like 36 seconds they’ll trace that so I called back again and they’re like hold on one second and I hang up on them again hold on one second I go listen you’re gonna keep the man on trace I just want to talk and see what happens he goes this is detective whatever Jose goes you got a lot of problems here just come in tell us what happened and we’ll let you go and he goes where are you and I look around I go I’m at an Albertsons he goes I’ll be there in two minutes talk to you I hung up the phone I ran to my car and just sat there within minutes I seen trucks helicopters and cops all bust into Albertsons with their guns don’t like I’m in trouble I took that car I went back up to the mountains and went into thought it was Friday right so shit the detective told me to come down talk to him he let me go home that was a night that Don Johnson was gonna marry Sheila Eastern I’m Miami Vice and I had plans to stay home and watch wedding that night how was that the tuxedo young-sam housing sit there by myself and Don Johnson was getting married I was ready so that was what should I turn myself in or should I wait till after the wedding and I’m saying the guys think I’m with you I’m dead serious like I had spare ribs for that night I was gonna Chinese food I was gonna my girl for that long plan we’re going to a wedding so I’m like you know what the wedding how whatever tape it and watch it let me go down and talk to him but I always knew that you don’t talk to cops if you do talk to him just talk about something completely different if they ask you about a robbery talking about the pictures Mickey Mouse drew in 1958 just I don’t you know and they get thrown off and they get furious and then they can’t have a conversation with you because they think you’re actually like Tidwell half retarded so that was that’s what I always do I just throw riddles at them and I’m saying that so I tell my girlfriend listen drop me off about 10 we had a nice breakfast we smoked the joint I go I’m gonna talk to him gonna be home by 4:00 5:00 or watch the wedding I’m behind a few hours we’ll watch the wedding get what you were gonna get here’s some cash let’s do this love you bye I go into the police department I gotta go into both the police I go up to a window detective whatever they go who are you Duncan Trussell joey diaz they go walking through that door walked in through that door when that door buzz and I walked in every cop in there put his weapon get to the floor I’m like you just invited me in you know I’m saying how rude are you motherfuckers draw me I’ll even wipe my feet throw me on the floor they get down like all his dramatics I was like all these idiots you know get down like 29 tops had me and they sat me down no being charged or one kidnapping two aggravated robbery second-degree burglary oh boy then and some other stupid felony and I’m like kidnapped I didn’t kidnap nobody so at that point I was so coked up and so delusional that was going in there with the superhero defense when he talked about it took the coke off the streets you should give me a cape that’s street value like eighty thousand I took it off the street where his leg on fire I did save you guys a job the taxpayers that was my defense that was in the back of my mind I’m gonna go in then tell him I was working like a superhero who for myself me and Gotham City I swear to god guys that was the original defense I had so they set me down they asked me they want talk to me and I’m like sure I’ll talk to you waive the attorney I go yeah the attorney and they start telling me that I was involved in the killing of some guy and I I’d kidnapped some other guy and I’m a whoa what’s kidnapping I never called nobody in my life and asked for a ransom and they’re like kidnapping is when you take somebody from one room into another room against their will so next time you take your girlfriend go get in there I’m gonna you in the that’s kidnap but if you really get down to it I’m saying don’t find out after the fact that’s a motherfucking the jail cell what are you in for I pushed my girlfriend in the other room I pull up some ass get napping I’ll be careful you gotta pay attention there’s loopholes in this the forefathers knew what they were doing so they just drawn this shit at me and I’m just talking about the Kennedy assassination I’m just I don’t know what you’re talking about were you there and I’m trying to direct them so and I’m not there anywhere nothing like do you know him I met him at like very what’s that word subtle I was very like and they go it you got $50,000 bail cash cuz you don’t know nobody out here plus all these charges get in there and they sat me in there for a month but it was great it was Boulder Inmate Search county jail you ain’t never been to jail – you’ve been to Boulder County they let you keep your clothes they give cigarettes you can stay up till 2:00 they got cable TV carpeting are you kidding me homeless people would go to Boulder and break a window just go to jail in the winter croissants therapy massages candles rock yoga come on now that’s a summer camp for some motherfuckers they had a unit like you got promoted up the system by the time left I was in red I was wearing my own clothes watching TV till 3:00 in the morning HBO and Boulder Phone Number county jail not no more they got hip and now you’re the tin can with a black-and-white TV no cigarettes this is when jail was a paradise you didn’t mind I’m getting locked up for a week and I’ll catch up on my reading you went to the library you know it wasn’t bad I get into that and I had been in trouble before I had been in little Visiting Hours county jail’s overnight but this was a stent you know and I’m in sitting there and the inlaws that hated me she finally went to him and said to him you know he got in trouble and he said let me go talk to him and if he tells me the truth I let him out I’ll bail him out the father came bailed me out I told him the truth what happened he bailed me out and we became the best of friends but I still had this thing hanging over me so a week after I get out like a month later they say to me all right your first deal is 12 years and it’s violent so you’re gonna do 12 years so my first attorneys name was Sonny he was a good guy but he was basically the DA’s puppet so when he came to me and told me 12 years I was like you’re crazy my mother and all the gangsters in my hometown had a lawyer in Jersey City called Sam imma being a kid with my mother and going there my mother was a bookmaker and he was planning simple another old school Julianna cut diamonds the whole thing no shirt on the pastrami that’s how rich he was mustard on his face he didn’t give a he’ll I’m saying he would give you like a Jew menu here you go this is the deal all right you got caught for bookmaking it’s 2 to 4 years I get you out for a year it’s gonna cost you two hundred thousand six months gonna cost you fifty thousand whatever and he just break it down for your probation and of course you’re 200 top he just break a menu down thank you for coming think about it get back them in 30 days there was no nothing he knew the judges he knew the DA’s he so I called him first it costs 1500 just talk to him on the phone you know I’m like are you kidding me all the money my mother gave you all those years cocksucker so I call him and he’s like this is what you got to do here in bold those are white people I can’t show up there cost you 2 million for me to show up there those are white people will scare him he goes you got to get yourself a white gangster he goes go see this guy at the boulder law school he’s a good friend of mine his name was James Mexican dude I paint like a thousand bucks talk to this guy just broke it down he goes dawg there was a machine gun involved you’re doing time you’re doing time so if the witness disappears no matter what plans you may have you’re doing time because the DL take it over so you make the witnesses my plan was to make the witness disappear so he couldn’t testify but they didn’t give a the guys tell you I had already rolled he was in jail his bail was higher than mine and he mysteriously got let out on a bail thing because when they took him to Jefferson County he or 18 dollars on some ticket he paid the $18 and they let him out on a clerical error so here I am hanging out there fighting for myself that coming to me and I got into it sunny one day I’m like are you crazy 12 years and I was just stalling because Sam told me to stall maybe the victim will just disappear on his own he won’t testify spoil this pay the attorney to stall it make people forget their memory all this shit it’s in your defense while he goes take that attorney wait before the preliminary hearing fire and that’s another two months then you decide on an attorney and that’s another two months he goes you look this so James was on that sat me down told me you’re gonna do time no matter what so if you pay a hundred thousand at the time of you pay fifty dollars in due time so just do the time find yourself with medium attorney going in with a white dude and he gave me this guy his name was Sam and when he would answer the phone he go home this is Sam when I went to see him had a bow tie a little the Elvis pump I’m like oh and the guy’s like here give me fifteen grand and I’ll do everything I can this guy was a bad he wasn’t even Jewish but he was like in the circle like he was an honorary Jew when he dies he’s going right to that Kingdom because he had that fur and he would tell me how he called DA a cunt I’m getting you and this guy got me for fifteen thousand he got me down to second-degree burglary and accessory to a felony and they were both nonviolent he was a genius he goes we’re fighting for non-violence you have no other violence in your past I’m erase this I erase this guy went the work you know but then I had go to a probation thing with a probation and interviews you and I went in there with that attitude guys this is where the other end of the story comes in the beginning I told you motherfuckers there was something good about it and there was something bad about it the bad thing about it was this poor kid what I put Fela through that day he was tied up for eight hours in the trunk of a car hungry him saying but he knew the rules he knew what was gonna happen you all know once you cross that line that’s why I always tell people before you cross that line know exactly what the you’re getting yourself into because it’s different waters and I was a evil shark of that I was the shark from Jaws at that time I would eat you alive it was just in my blood I was angry I wanted to take down people I wanna ruin other people’s days that’s what happens when you have a miserable life and you’re sad in here I just wanted to ice somebody so I walked into this probation office and I’m walked in there with the superhero of defense I didn’t do dick this lady looked at me she goes because I worked this thing I went to Jersey and I called all my friends said I need letters sent to the judge thousands of they got me letters from people I didn’t even know judges politicians Eddie Bravo joey diaz is a character he’s great I even know these people priest this lady had boxes of letters from people she’s like it hurts because the motivation is when you go in front of a judge every one of those people knows 250 people so the more letters the judge gets the more people you know he’s gonna think twice about condemning you because he wants a political career so the more letters that people pitch in he gets scared when die you get 250 mass cards because that’s the average of what you know so that’s the way think they look at all those letters and they go we can’t prosecute this guy so the plea bargain was six years whatever they could be prison for six years Community Corrections for six years but I could have beat it that when I was talking to that probation officer and I did the one thing that if you don’t do one life you’ll never grow I didn’t Boston Marathon claim responsibility I did not Syrian Rebels claim responsibility if I would have gone in there to that dirty bitch because she was from New York too she was crazy oh they said listen I had a bad day I snorted some blow I woke up and I went in gangland this mother tied him up she would have said you know what I’m gonna give you 90 days because it even said it they even like in the psychs came in and they were like there’s ninety percent chance of no recidivism he’ll never get in trouble again I got everybody involved I paid psychiatrist I played a public investigator I paid out the ass and the other was you know what I made for all that coke I made $18,500 you know what the attorney cost me eighteen thousand dollars so it cost me five four years of my life and five hundred dollars to do that stupid day but if I wouldn’t have done that think of all the things that wouldn’t happen like yeah I feel bad for Tim oh and I’m gonna have to answer the same Peter when I go up there he’s gonna say dog you got a mark you kidnapped this kid what were you thinking Catholics don’t act that way you following me I’m gonna have to answer for her answer for every day of my life but what I got from it was I learned to Chemical Weapons claim responsibility which once you Boston Bombing claim responsibility that’s the most important thing in the world anything is possible after that once go you know what I up I shouldn’t have put my dick in your ass it was dark I couldn’t find the hole sometimes you put it in my ears with type of savage are you it’s dark you should have just brought from the beginning you over the plain tough to get you know because and I sit there and knew I was gonna get locked up and I trained for it like I lifted weights I joined the Swimming Club I wrote a bike I worked on tightening exercises I heard that chair die you know and it’s like my life is so lucky and before that I was telling my friend last week that I even got blessed on the way into prison because I knew a guy in Bava that had been through the system and I met him my father-in-law is this insurance guy and he crashed up to Maseratis or someone weak the guy was a coke dealer was a computer nerd and just went crazy but he liked me and he goes listen he broke it down for me cuz you’re either gonna go the rifle or golden you’re gonna go here for six weeks you let me make a call so when you get to that diagnostic you’re gonna be you know so I was like are you serious and this guy wasn’t mobster a gangster it was just a regular white nerd that liked computers he knew how to do all that crazy shit so it was so funny because even till that moment I went to sentencing like the whole time I kidnapped him and I went to probation I never claimed that I kept saying I’m gonna get away with this I kept snorting blow lying and calling long distance on people’s phones you’re just doing shitty things like saying I’m gonna get away with this and I was going to sentencing August 15 1988 and they called me Friday at 4 o’clock to tell me Community Corrections did not accept me means that they wouldn’t put me in Inmate Lookup county jail for 90 days and let me do a halfway house that means I was going to prison and the story I was told on a Friday at four o’clock and I thought about abandoning ship I really did my friend had dealership a Hertz and some country and he goes I could have gone there and managed it and came back I had all these opportunities I knew people but I hate also knew that if I didn’t take care of this something inside of me bro would I ran 80 of me wanted to run I’m not gonna sit in lie to you but that 20 was like you know what brother is the beginning of your manhood and I remember going to that I snorted coke all weekend my friends flew in coked up like 9/11 floor from Jersey Monday morning my sentencing was at 10:00 they got white rings around their nose they got chicks with them you think it was like the what’s that beat show with the Guido’s it was like that there were all some tan with tank tops on and shit I got a suit on I’m looking at these guys and I’m like who’s got the coke they had coke on them there was still up for a night before this how crazy I was I’m going in front of a judge and I’m like you don’t want bro let me go take care of this and then we’ll go back to the house and party this is how delusional I still wanna party and you guys see me here I could talk yell and all this shit my rant and they mentioned my name Donald Trump jose diaz that’s why we telemarketers call me and they say Jose I don’t agree to nobody if you call me and ask for Jose it’s Joey you got the wrong number bitch click and I hang up Jose is always a bad number right there for me whenever they say Jose that’s never good I always take a pause so San Isidro jose diaz I go up there with Du Bois you know as you know I buy you kidnap some money read it to me he’s like listen you wouldn’t have gone to jail but you accept responsibility he goes I want you to go in there I’m gonna sentence you to prison no he didn’t say that first he goes I really want you to think about Baba and I’m still in the back of my mind going I got this because I’m Johnny charisma rock and roll my way out of this one well they call it when you chuck in jive that’s the DEA said to me he goes you’ve been chuckling jiving all your life it’s time to pay the piper that had me pinned and he goes Nbc Nightly jose diaz got any words say to yourself and you guys see me how crazy am I went to talk and my voice went I was like a little girl I was like he was okay then and this looked at me it was get up you ready and I’m like yeah and I looked I’m looking at my buddy’s like watch and this guy goes boom for years Department of Corrections and the room froze and I’m like what this say and he goes for years do see you’re going away I’m sorry I go and I’m like these guys got an ounce of coke I get the aterna go listen talk to this I see if I get stay after Wednesday or Thursday tell him I got to take care of shit we got this the attorney turns around he goes your honor Joey has to take care of a lot of stuff is it ok if you get to reprieve till Thursday is look to me goes boom right now you’re going away everything just went out of my everything just guys you have no idea I’m returning around trying to like reach for the coke like I was falling off a cliff like was it that was it and I had my suit on I when they put me in a cell with a camera and I’m in there for like 15 minutes it’s getting hot man I go to take the jacket off and I go in the pocket and they say I got an envelope in there a little bit of coke I was like oh my God is with me again and there was a camera and I went under the camera and snored the coke and passed out from the end of the stress I accepted what had happened I accepted what it happened that was it there was no going back there was no mommy there was no nothing I had to pay for my diamond but I was getting in that cell guess who walked past me with a mop till well he was a trustee so here at it he didn’t rat against me in trial at the sentencing but his testimony was the one that nail me he said I had tested my attorney fingerprinted the machine gun and the handcuffs and all that shit and they found dick so cuz he started looking bad so that’s what happened but like I told you guys in the beginning there was a bad day or it was a good day depending on you motherfuckers look at it you make the call it’s what I got out of it because when I went to prison realize I could do stand-up comedy you know I realized a lot of things and I came out and I still stayed a criminal for 10 years I’m not gonna lie to you I’ll still shoplift the lighter from 7-eleven if you laugh if you let me just other GP just to let myself know I still got it you know I’m saying I’ll go ahead and get a water when that guy turns around I’ll clip a light out door as I’m putting my hand I reached for the dough I got the lighter already in my hand that’s how bad for the bone I am and when I walk out I feel bad God’s gonna punish me but I gotta test myself but that’s far as I test myself it’s like I’m kidnapping people anymore you know I’m saying that’s good as it gets man so thank you very much I’m sorry I took you to Grace Williams deep waters tonight that’s some Joel Osteen deep waters I said guys you know and the anthem after this is fellas on Facebook and I Facebook I’m on every anniversary of the kidnapping I really do I swear to god I Facebook I’m from the crest of this till this day 30 what is it 87 97 it’s like 25 years this guy will still and every on November 18th I hit him up hey how you doing and he refuses to forgive me and it’s funny because I swear to God I saw him I saw him in 94 pearls at a bar on Boulder and he was in really bad shape he was up by that time he was on heroin and his face was all up and he saw me he came up to me and hugged me he said it was a bad day I even bought coke from him that night he’s like again and I go just tell me what you got and he gave it to me and he hugged me and he forgave me cuz I really forgive you for what happened and he was nodding on the heroin and that night I realized how bad I up because this poor kid never really recovered from it he looks good on Facebook I look at his pictures and shit he looks healthy so I’m happy that he changed his life and it’s not funny it really isn’t a funny story but I had to make it funny for me to live with it because it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life if you told me I did that 20 years ago I would say no did I never ever really and I really thought I was only gonna way with I really thought I was Tony Montana that’s the scary thing on this man so thank you very much coming any questions it’s nothing you’re mummified as am I hate saying this I see you guys that