look at all these waffles.
Kroenke wake up hey I got your breakfast what is it a buckwheat waffle a wheatgrass shot have a good game smells like hey don’t leave this here Hey calm down chill chill.
Chill sit Jesus calm down nice sit come on guys Jesus Holly I should be standing I’m sorry for you people up you look scared of shit I’m not gonna trip I promised her I promised to be here in Las Vegas we’re having a great time I was trying to gamble a little bit around the hotel and Wow I stayed down at a slot machine and about got the shit knocked out of me by the old lady I swear to god an octogenarian rolled up on her skater yeah pretty serious as all papal jack yeah pretty sad don’t get in front of there them and a buffet Jack don’t get between them oh yeah the gallons firing around Vegas okay you know I played blackjack that’s my game I like the flat check everybody else I lost these Asian dealers here at the they kick my ass you agents okay nothing makes me racist faster than losing money okay I’ll be a racist set of a bitch hey what are you what are you so I can hate you better all right I know you’re one of the mazes in Chinese Japanese being amazing one of them mazes what are you they’re so fast man they feel so fast you know what I’m talking about right you said it Jesus they’re so fast I lost $300 and I didn’t even know I was playing it’s hot did it yeah I was sitting on the far side of the blackjack table and the chairs are kind of bunched up so I was moving one chair out of the way and I was getting another chest situated cuz I don’t be the fat guy Oh two chairs because my fans you take pictures of it and send it to my website and bust my balls okay I’m not gonna do that so I I’m on one chair okay once yeah and I’m getting situated and I’ve got a I’m trying not to fall okay and I’ve got my hand on the table all right and I got my chips in my hand and you’re loose what can lose I have my failures on my chips it’s like checkers right you can’t lose any babies on it right don’t count that’s not we’re at the beautiful South Floyd hotel and I like that it’s off the strip okay and the reason I really like that it’s off the strip is because you don’t have that temptation of walking to another hotel rather me oh god my wife I and our kids are staying at Caesars this is and my jabrai wife wanted to uh that’s right I’m a dad you I’ve made some Jews I’m doing the work of Christ folks as well be me all right anyways so we’re up there and my wife wants to go see The Fountains at Bellagio oh my god let’s go walk to see the founders of Bellagio it’s water you know that right we’re watching a fountain that’s set to an iPod okay seriously to soundtrack it’s set to right why don’t I get you a stereo and a squirt gun okay I got that and stay right to hell here that’d be awesome let’s go did not want to make that Trail of Tears walk okay I knew how long it was my wife did not I’m advocating getting a cab okay let’s get a cab it’s a was no just it’s then it took a seven hours to get out of walk for seven hours my pinky toes burning it’s on fire we’re on the sidewalk then the kids which I’m carrying two babies okay god oh my god without a funny thought Nina can’t you stay here we’ll use these look for magazines that the basic a pass it’s a something’s been bugging me is I’ve just seen it a lot around here and it’s a real popular thing now is the hipster movement where young dudes are getting all hipster doubt you don’t know if this is okay you’ve seen them they’re douche-baggy dudes okay all right that are wearing pants that are way too tight way too tight all right just a little hit young men start buying pants in the men’s section okay try that out fur I’m just saying maybe it’s me maybe I’m old-fashioned but you shouldn’t be able to tell that dude’s got camel toe from the back hey brah suck your nuts from behind I was always some dude in tight pants mad at me you feel good oh we’re good all right don’t listen to me I hope you get a yeast infection hey how’d you get a yeast infection I hope your mangina itching and burning that’s a waste father they get all worked up what I don’t care for what I really don’t like is that they’re wearing these big dumb hoop earrings I know where they got a Display Case hockey puck in the air is that bother anybody but me it’s so gross stupid Bottle Opener hockey puck in your ears proce me out so gnarly yeah is what makes at me who decided that was a good look you know I’m gonna put a ashtray right there in my ear so gross it’s all stretched out you do know guys that’s not coming back right you don’t take the ashtray out to the next day oh man I can’t even fit my Body Lift hockey puck in it now it’s all shrunk back up you know it stinks too oh you know does it smells like Bologna and belly button lint Marlon it’s always white people too sorry your mama didn’t read to you but shit I got a man up some time okay just to go like that oh it’s either white people or Mexicans that think they’re white you know what I’m talking about Mexicans will tell you that I go again oh you think you’re white bro okay go to our bank will tell you every time I mention that it’s only white people to do that some white dude with one of the big double Initial Speed hockey pucks in his hair I come up to me bro just ordered Africa yeah but you don’t see black guys with that shit in there is neither you know white people don’t do that cuz they learned their grandmama telling the truth that’s how black people got Africa now some people are upset with me that.
Is not PC okay brother you saying that the reason black people got caught and put into slavery was because somebody caught them by their jug handle yeah okay your hypothesis is that there was a bunch of white people that were faster than black people what makes more sense you dig some pillar looking dead it’s gonna okay dumb hat and buck machines to outrun Konami a Zulu water run 28 miles through Lyon country’s stop that not happening jack you will not.
Catch tsunami let’s get him by his job handle if you’re a woman and you’re banging a dude with that big dumb hoop earring shit you get what you get bitch you get what you dummy look what that guy did to himself he did that you do himself he made himself guys that have no regard for what he’s about do to you dude it’s cool lady but girls lobe minimal load right there yeah minimal Lube you can’t go right in the butt everybody knows that it’s like laying down a bunt running the third you can’t do that how are you doing me talk gonna Jesus and then they got the dumb beards the.
Big dumb beards is what they’re wearing now okay if you’re like a construction worker or mechanic you know biker a football player felon then you get a beard okay you get a beard if the worst thing you’ve ever gone through is having to sleep outside a best buy for two nights while you wait on call of duty black ops you don’t get a beard sorry it’s all bullshit do not get a beard guys are dicks when I say young men with beards I think to myself there’s a guy who hadn’t had a woman on his face and forever no I’m wrong you’re right guys.
Chicks always love a big loaf ax to grind their Chinatown shave your dumb bitch don’t bow you can’t find a job stupid and with the ears man you’re gonna have lie to your grandchildren or have an operation you think anybody ever thinks about this I’m gonna to have an operation to fix my dumb ears I want lie to my kids some grandchildren you know granddaddy what happened to your ears where I guess it was back in 2013 I was living in Silverlake and hip cool I just got my work at the Starbucks I was wearing my best tie jeans a cute little beside a burgundy capris I was on the way of bufferton seeds last year was a tough year for me as a.
Comedian you know everybody was political everybody was mad at each other I don’t know if y’all felt that too but I mean there was a real line between you know everybody and people got really worked up and I mean people would scream at me for like I’m having lunch I’m voting for that coleslaw okay I’m gonna to face darken some mashed potatoes beat it I guess Obama oh really okay he wouldn’t shut up okay they would not shut up the kept on hassling he kept on telling me how to be voting for Obama was gonna be the end of the world okay and I finally just realized this guy just hates black people okay a fight look at him kind of run to it he’ll leave me alone so forgive me black folks but I answer didn’t kind of racist Lee when it kept on asking me all right he was like sure now the costumes gonna end in the world’s gonna end if Republicans elected who you gonna vote for now and said I guess I’m gone with darky and he stopped for a minute well I don’t like the fact you said Obama he did say it racist fair enough I can’t be mad at that I just wish they were right to it but I love Obama man and congratulations black people the lecture brock obama’s president united states america thank you so much congratulations white boys are gonna start getting their I’m not mad action 50 years of no temperaments of genius financial strategy blackbox genius 50 years of no temper you easily save trillions of dollars and some people that is amazing and trillions of dollars sorry my folks can’t mix the man tp’ing down when you’re the man you dig miss Rosa Parks said to dr. Kington walks up a to rock so your part asked to kick 20 bingo – I know there’s a nice black folks in the back going excuse us Rockford we’re under the impression it was 15 I say you good folks it could’ve been 15 percent of black people would have started tipping in 1993 you could have got in a 15 on frozen few is 2013 and inflation is a type that rises all boats Hillary says right now at 20 yes we can yes we can damn Latinos in here the tale shit all right tick tock Sphinx listen up we get us a president you Latinos to be looking at 32 of Asians no need to rush what’s funny is now the black people the Latinos are laughing that’s cold man is cold black dollars good dick joke that’s all funny though buddy but that is the coldest part that Asian part that’s a close part of that jug that’s the absence of hope sorry Asian there’s no way y’all are be presidents that not the stuff I do that juggling it with a ninja star one of these days I’d love an Astronomical Union asian president man cuz we got drama an Asian man we got North Korea we need an South America asian president because our International Astronomical asian president would look North Korea’s president slanted I’d a slanted eye let him know we mean business.
It’s gonna Saturday faithfully being a ninja and a president hey the summit meeting I work people out.
Sometimes I don’t care I mean I’m married I don’t give a shit anymore about anything man and you’re married you phone it in you phone it in right guys like I’ll tell you the truth I got a dick medium that’s about open as it gets right there in it medium dick six inches to the face to legitimize our folks to legitimate just a medium day but it is a sweet dick don’t get it twisted okay that’s a seat thick sweet dick and it suck my dick I’ll give you cavities that’s right Ralphie this cop is kind of strong here let me dip my dick in it oh now it’s – sweetie I’m sorry I started up for y’all shit just put the tip in there’s this dumb joke I don’t have STDs did I not give your dad booties I always say my dicks medium because I’m afraid there might be black guys around and one have a dick race or something y’all and win guys you win but guys you win even this light-skinned black guy right here he weighs you got a couple of white sticks in the woodpile don’t you play as a light-skinned straight girls okay let’s be honest you’re a flag away from being Porto Rican player okay flag away but y’all win by God you win we all go to their websites we’ve seen at 12 inches of dick jesus christ almighty big so fifth got an elbow in Adana play that’s a hog man I don’t know that’s a dick or chunk Jesus you and I’m sure you’ve all gotten that email before it work know you want to see something hard so you double click on it I pop this at window if this is massive dick a death just splitting a little white girl like you hit delete and 12 other boxes pop up it’s like a four-man waiting for you I don’t know like a give us much memories that he wants you next day and HR for three hours still.
Not paid work it was an evening so congratulations black guys on your 12 edges a dick good for you guys buddy mining in Houston is a urologist and he told me that the average vagina depth is 7 inches congratulations black guys on your five inches of dried dick did that make you feel good black guys though you got more dick driver most Asian man we ever have I see you laughing over there I can see your teeth that’s all okay but his dog over there his name is Kate after my shadow.
What about bodies he saw this that vet and he had to come up a tally about his dead he’s like dude I got a big dick I don’t care I stopped caring about other dudes dicks and like never cared about it okay you know I just never dare I don’t care whatever you got doesn’t affect me man I don’t even care at all about anybody else – dick okay I come would I give a shit I hope give a shit dude bit it’s eight inches to the balls and I’m like you know that doesn’t count right who you mean bro you can’t measure to the boss hasn’t counted since Bo Burnham eighth grade okay dude the balls count nothing doc maybe you girls ever get by some Oh daddy put some rocks in my pocket come on boy oh my John is like a squirrel saving up for winner the 2-2 count no it doesn’t from we’re on because depending on run temperature your balls could be anywhere from a quarter inch away from your dick to five inches away what was room temp elevation the shit to be done okay I’m like dude if you got eight inches to the balls and I gotta put a dick I’ve measured to the butthole okay shit it’s like you do a cat’s tail right to the butthole you measure it right to the bone buddy broke up with a girl he’s.
Having a tough time of it and I had to tell her a story one time about a girl broke up with me we’ve been dating nine months before I met my wife okay we’ve been dating nine months and we broke up with each other and just yelling no you get mean with each other and she’s screaming at me you got a little dick you got a little dick all right what we’ve been together nine months and then suddenly my dicks the problem seriously nine months okay you do know that’s like you ate a whole pizza and go that pizza with bullshit that’s the worst pizza I ever ate all of a little bit my modern medium okay I got a medium dick I got a toolbox in my truck right now with a tape measure and a Benson trust me it’s Taylor says you’re six inches you six inches I think the truth is you’ve got a large vagina big old gaping hound dog Josh you’ve been toting around that’s what the hell we’re gonna get mad at that jug that’s not fun in there is someone funny is Dan that Jack okay there’s a lot of guys who can’t laugh see the problem is that women share a.
Live okay they keep on perpetrating a lot but all vaginas are exactly the same super tight and shallow like the other side their assemble yeah my job is still squeaks like it did in high school oh they’re being a creep in high school then watching the girls basketball volleyball teams out there play squeak you just think as the sneakers but uh it’s a little paper cut Jeremy that’s what it is paper cut Chyna look at the tears now look at all these mad women in here my driver’s test please trying to get your monkey squeaks and it’s funny no women ever admits to having big old ape and flapping Jackie but I make sense doesn’t we all know that penises come in different sizes small medium large and black shitting joggers close behind the vision you know every key having its locking on but women will admit to it they wanna admit a goddamn thing but no that’s weird because every guy in here’s how the hula hoop a chick before you can get clinching on both sides.
You’re good at the same time gotta put it in one side bring it down the other baseball just started who you like this year listen girls if you park a car in a three-car garage should the car feel bad about being average car length an average car with its the problem you don’t have enough car maybe you got too much garage everything of it like that well I’ve always done well with women okay I’ve got a beautiful wife okay a really hot water she’s so fun I know she really is she showed goddamn heart I’ve been with her 14 years and I still can’t believe I get to okay I seriously I’m gay go a little bit every time I put it in but always did go with it okay for normal guys did really good for a fat guy should be in the Hall of Fame okay I’m not joking around bad I did really well I had a lot of heart know you gotta have the right attitude pick up women who gives a damn ask them talk to them all that’s what do I go in the bar and I start with the hottest chick in there and work my way but the market said the price if she says no fun if the worst thing that could happen is I go home and eat a turkey potpie chirkoff from watch SportsCenter that’s just wrong Thursday what’s a strong Thursday Jack I can’t hate on that that’s a strong Thursday good as get you don’t ask her you know she might have low self-esteem you don’t know oh yeah daddy’s got something makes you feel pretty – come on baby come on a lot of guys he’s come on lines and stuff like that not me I just walk up to women just be forthright you know hello I saw you from across the room and you are absolutely beautiful part of me if I’m being too forward but I just thought to myself if I let you go away without talking to you I’m stupid if you’re half as beautiful on the inside as you’re on the outside you’re somebody I’d like get to know I sit down there feeling it now aren’t you girls like this it’s serious I’m all right a lot of guys that don’t understand how women operate okay guys shut up okay shut your mouth more guys talk their way out of pussy they never talked the way into it I think shut your mouth every woman wants to have a great conversation okay none of them want to hear what you had to say they just want to hear themselves right alone so knowing how women work the patterns are about five minutes into the conversation it’ll die down she’ll stop the inner story she’ll drink some of the free drink you got her and wait for you to ask her more questions about herself so she can take off for another five six now I always like girls who have freckles I always have like girls who have freckles it’s a white block of brown I like girls who have freckles always have okay thing is girls are freckles always hate their freckles because it’s a mark on their face and they’ve been brainwashed by the makeup industry to think that any mark on their face is somehow a detraction from who they are instead of an enhancement like I think it is but you have to understand that makeup is the biggest con ever pulled on man okay you understand okay it’s the stupidest okay it’s a big con okay they strike you girls when you’re young okay you’re young all right and they’re like oh you’re 13 huh yeah 13 things are weird yeah I’ll say because you look like shit yes all that shit on your face you got to cover that up yeah it’s all here’s some cover up put that on your face oh now you look like a zombie you’re gonna need some color so some here’s your makeup okay yeah that shit’s hard to get off in it you’ll need makeup remover and night cream and all these other shit cuz it ruins your skin girls it’s just a Kong they’re calling it alright if you all stopped wearing makeup tomorrow there’s nothing we could do you’re the only game in town okay you’ve not got a third three billion men gay overnight it’s just not gonna happen well we’ll still you okay believe it or not and you’ll save with thousands of dollars every year okay in time but where on your face no guy this has never been said bye man ever get the off my dick it’s that last year’s eye shadow you don’t have to wear it girls you don’t have to wear but they get worked up man you know so if you’re gonna talk to a bunch of women guys and you don’t want to hear what they have to say use these phrases and gestures to seem like an amazingly attentive listener watch oh my god though what you’re crazy okay all right this is the hardest one of all okay I love cats too hard that’s a difficult one you can get that one down using taking the stone from my hand grasshopper okay you are impressive USN save myself but you do just make conversation okay and let her start rambling okay again she’ll go for like five minutes and die off all right so anyway we got my cat back from the vet and it was okay she’s waiting for you to ask more about her okay what you do if you don’t have a lot of time keep on looking at her in the eyes okay just keep on looking at her in the eyes she might have some bomb don’t look down right in the eyes that’s a distraction that’s a test you look down you failed okay yes then eyes only alright what are you looking at top what I’m sorry it was something weird happened while you were talking I got kind of tunnel vision and everything else fell away and I got lost in your eyes but what glued my eyes to yours where the way these little freckles just kiss your cheek and nose are beautiful just let it sit let it fit better marinating that bullshit okay another marinade you watch she’ll take the fake cuz they will argue if you give woman a compliment about something she doesn’t agree that’s nice she’ll argue that you’re wrong really yummy freckles oh my god I hate my freckles I want to have my Glazer off okay but it’s so expensive alright and my dermatologist gave me some fading cream and they’re really lightening up but they’re not all the way gone and I’m saving up money to get them lasered off you know I’m working at shits of chili and it’s so hard now because everybody wants a new cheeseburger everybody wants a new cheeseburger and everybody’s like oh my god another cheeseburger everybody wants ranch Canasta my ranch I need some own ranch gonna want some a rant can I get some my ranch please I want some more ranch in buy any ranch this is not a ranch it’s a choice okay there are no cows but anyway that’s why I’m gonna get them lasered off okay you let it run a little bit and then like a pen there’s a pimp move white kids okay this might be hard for you to pull off my man got no problem okay Shh that’s right put your finger about a quarter of an inch away from the lift and then bring your fingers up move a hair off her face go down here into your to the jaw switch your two interior fingers follow that jaw line up to her chin lifting her chin ever so slightly now you got this bitch’s full attention and as we say some smooth shit no baby don’t ever touch a freckle on your face I think a woman without freckles like a night without stars it worked man it worked a lot say what you will but it works sometimes you fish with a hooking line and sometimes you cast the net you know if there was a bunch of girls know you got to use the talents what you got my mama was a choir teacher so I just walk up to women such thing as seventies love songs you know I I’m so in love with whatever you walking do not bitch it’s a numbers game eventually what I was jumping up I like to get women into bed but I never lied about what was gonna happen it builds false hope don’t it guys give tell you stuff girl I’m gonna you all night long get that line of my mouth I got that line right you’re not getting that lie to leave my lips cuz women expect you to live up that shit I tell them the truth look I’m gonna give you twenty minutes a hard dick but I’m going to sleep and if you don’t come I ain’t gonna feel.
Bad about it I’m not gonna feel bad not one bit I told you exactly how much time you had a lot of for your orgasm 20 minutes Sam and later that’s all I need girl that’s all need you understand I believe in equal rights for women I done I’m Pro woman no me mad at me because you couldn’t caucus you’re a shitty time manager get it together books get up I refuse to be responsible for your orgasm I totally think of it as a race you be made of common you win but you need to understand I’m amazingly competitive so don’t be screaming out okay 12 minutes I’m gonna get a car I’ll cheat I swear to god you like that I’ll stick a finger my own ass and drop a bad time I was taking my buddy Billy weighing out Billy going through a divorce okay and he his wife just broke him man broke him he was shattered man sitting there at the bar all right I’m there with him so he doesn’t get crazy you know sometimes you look crazy ever her friend gets drunk this crazy you know jump off that building no you’re not stupid yeah I’ll take you to your chair if you think that’s a good idea get out that’s Billy okay he was moaning in his beer okay man I’m doing with a woman I know how long I’m like what how long is I don’t know how long and like not six seven month thank once you go talk to those girls over there who them big girls yeah what the ‘s wrong with big girls nothing I’ve done saying that Billy point I only know what to do what to do you put it in there rub it around till you’re done stupid energy do don’t you talking about don’t know what to do oh you only help push come a coach come on stroke it’s like no bad I’ve never even been with a big girl I don’t know what to do with them are serious you never tagged a big girl before no man never wow you are a shitty wingman that’s a shitty wingman right there jack oh my god that means you left your buddies get cock-blocked before that’s not cool bro but sometimes getting laid is a team sport okay yeah somebody’s got to carry the ball somebody’s got a block you know I mean like you ever go to a nightclub and you’re talking to a chick at the bar alright make a time right there okay you got your leg on her store alright she’s touched your thigh a Smoking Weed couple times with her calf legs across all right at her hands on your hand and then she’s like let’s go dance and in your mind you’re like shit I’d love to.
Now the reason you don’t what a dance is because you used have to dance and it sucked but dancing has changed like usually what others dance with the girls you look at the girl’s eyes to dance with it nowadays if you’re looking at a chick’s eyes that’s not the chick you’re dancing with you know what I mean that’s not the chicken get to it because what these girls do their so in touch with the sexuality soon as you come out on the floor they immediately turn and put their ass on your junk and rub it back forth and see if you’re even worth getting out of their panties and as a man if you never had a double.
You don’t know what to expect like I mean you get used to it quick she likes it she feel like she drops a little lower and puts that fire-breathing monkey on it and she a little dragon they’re all sitting on that little good dragon where don’t they drag off wait you’re like oh my god her janitors breathing on me bad song comes on boom go to the booth go to a booth gentlemen at that point you have to make curse the decision you get her a glass of water or did you buy this chick another young man think she needs to get drunker professional guys will experience realized this bighead enough I’m gonna save six dollars right here get this wholesome water because gentlemen young men don’t know this yep old men do there’s a thin line between doggy style and babysitting understand you get that bitch too drunk you’re babysitting if you exceed the alcohol intake you’re sitting there with a drunk II Brewster okay you’re babysitting this dumb bitch god forbid I ever get single again I don’t have the patience for this bullshit look girls I ain’t gonna hold your hair shallow bitch you just throw up that’s disgusting wash your monkey ass Jesus wash all right like this one up the three-hour ride home where’s this drunk bitch can’t tell you where the she lives okay no I’m not doing that shit again I.
Stopped doing that at 23 okay I’m not doing that again if it hit the riders more than seven minutes run bitch what get the out I don’t have time beat it broad fit anyway you’re talking to her all right you’re making out with her a little bit you go to touch your shoulder you accidentally punch boob accidentally it’s a lot of guys in here remember back in the day when they were single that accident right there get you slapped in the face not anymore nowadays these chicks take your hand and put it right on there Jeremy swear to god you know I’m the only one who ate the cake mix Bowl okay I’m in I’ll take a beater Tim Oh anyways she’s all tuned up she’s let’s get out of here like yes so you got it by the hand you’re going to the door of the club okay boom there right as you’re heading out the door up comes her fat girlfriend with that old-school block you know what I’m talking about that you know the one I’m talking about we tie them together we got to leave together we do bitch I’m gonna take your girlfriend Stephanie out to the parking lot and fucker in my Nissan Sentra okay here’s 20 bucks why don’t you go to IHOP and let it ride big bitch okay I hate this right there this way you need a wingman okay you need a wingman to come in all right distract that big bitch where you get away okay wait a minute okay I’m sorry baby I’m sorry my friends a jerk specially when it’s been drinking what’s your name beautiful Barbara that that’s a beautiful night in barber.
Barbara has anyone ever told you have.
Beautiful eyes everybody said is my best feature they are right about that they are right about that it is your best feature Barbara did my friend really give you $20 to go out he’s your deer he’s a dick I know he is I know he is Barbara I mean he’s I can’t believe he did that to you look like a nice girl I’m sorry my friends a jerk but he was my only ride boyfriend I don’t know anybody else there I’m stranded Barbara what do you say I take it I hop you keep that $20 we get to know each other you know look I’m nice Drock use a friend what you say okay let me get my pocketbook now don’t take it from me that begging fat girls are somehow a bad thing okay shit I’ve been the fat girl a Dog Throws couple times okay I’m alive you ever drive to the club and your buddy pick up a chick and they’re making out in the back of your car and you’re like bitch get out of this car and go get me a skank to sit in the front seat I am as Daisy okay driving it around so you can get you know big girls are awesome man they come a bit miss jack big girls always got a frigerator truck full of groceries but yeah skinny girl got two olives and there’s baking soda old lettuce that’s it big girl got cable air conditioning shit you don’t get caught out here in Vegas and audience without no a/c then your baby come on avoid the rush get your fat burning’ I said that’s Billy Wayne and he took off okay and I got a Samsung Galaxy phone call the next morning 9 o’clock in the morning amen I need you to come pick me up all right we’re yeah bro hold on let me find some mail they’ve got a great Google Voice phone call and let me find some mail Galaxy Tab phone call makes you feel like you’re part of the team doesn’t about us like you didn’t get your uniform dirty but you still get a ring you know what I mean it’s your part of the table so I gotta pick him up and his smile gets in my car 5 feet before he does and then I’m like man how was it oh dude I’m a changed man really big girls great phenomenal all right what happened she took him back to her place a band her twice I thought we were done okay yeah that big girl wasn’t done with me man she grabbed my dick and proceeded to herself for the next five hours he said at 5:00 a.m. she gave me back my dick and left me shaking in the corner of the bed like I was wrapped up in the mattress pad man like why was your rack up in the mattress man head bigger I had the air-condition all the way out man I was kind of shipment said he passed out two hours later she woke him up with a cup of hot coffee cream and sugar just laying left and goes man and then she asked me if I want a breakfast I’m like what you got breakfast on a one-night damn Wow tell me more all right I came like 12 times those weighed more than when I was in Science Fair eighth grade made that ceramics ah you creep I don’t want to know that shit I want to hear about breakfast oh I got a waffle what’d you get a waffle on a one-night stand gentleman used to look yourself in the mirror guard Tim that is get it done that is Guinea done Jack you got to be married to get a waffle and even then you still Staple Singers gotta earn it you gotta earn it you don’t get a woman to make waffles you better done something Jack I have a trapeze into that China meat or something I don’t know my wife makes me wild I still got Arnold my wife provided my favorite breakfast into how we were going to start me losing weight it’s worked pretty good I’ve lost 47 pounds this year and I’m doing good okay stop don’t save your applause somebody who made a difference okay it’s 40 pounds there’s nothing okay let me get a little further down the road then you can applaud okay that’s right I mean it’s like yeah hey I’m in 4x lift the shit right anyway my wife and I had a great night okay you know and no kids bothered us okay you know kids coming in and being a little block sir know you drop a load yeah oh great and your baby come in want to sleep with y’all so you have to put her up on the pillows otherwise she’ll get stuck to the sheet that’s right we’re respectable people we won’t let our baby sleep in the wet spots okay put that baby’s stuck to the sheets have to wait till it dries and then pop it okay all right pop it and break it up ching flick it off donut glaze we had a good night got woken up by our kids and we’re getting up and she’s like no baby stay in bed I’m gonna make your favorite you worked hard last night you crazy and I’m like at first I’m pausing because I think it might be a trap and then I roll over going old sweet dick took care of that monkey yeah I sleep for another 45 minutes I got my pajama bottoms on I put my hot shoes on I grabbed my rope and I walked downstairs like I’m huge Hefner you know man all right go down to his I turn the corner and my wife is handed me a brown manhole cover on a plate I’m like what is that it’s a buckwheat waffle with cow powder so you’re saying any to eat this on the toilet cause I’m gonna shit right count powder seriously great my fucks gonna smell of cut grass for two days what seriously I don’t know what your problem is my problem is no one in the history of anyone’s ever going to a breakfast place one boy I hope they got buck wait why was the tail powder oh yeah I know they’ll be awesome with it well I watched very hard on this whap okay you’re gonna eat it all right hey oh it’s hard last night okay I didn’t go down with you for an hour then flip you over eat your for another 45 minutes and get a little thing from behind you like and then you for tires so I can wake up and eat a goddamn buckwheat ball with gel powder and you shit me a buckwheat wobble with kelp powder everybody knows we need ask so you get a real waffle with butter and syrup that’s right butter and syrup that’s right because there’s some shit that Stoke and toothpaste ain’t going to cut okay we need that butter serve to lift that taste off your mouth okay and then that waffle scraping action to get it all away from you know to me so how you doing that buckwheat Wildcat powders putting more taste to in my mouth that’s right girls everyone don’t you little butthole tastes like it tastes like a buckwheat one will care powders or get a pH tastes like I always why don’t let my butthole taste alive I want to give you a homework assignment cuz I’m trying to Santa bring it back forget you don’t do you forget everybody gets bored on long drives enjoy this one you drive it home tonight take the freeway and soon as you get in the car look over at your girl go take your panties off now make sure it’s your girl okay I get your wife or your girlfriend I’ll get your first date rape eat okay all right and then tell her take your panties up now you’re gonna meet a little resistance she’s like I am NOT taking my panties off I don’t care what that fat guy said stand your ground see young man what you don’t know is that every woman is a Rich Love dirty filthy animal they are Grimey Dubstep dirty Merry Christmas filthy animals they love doing all that crazy shit they just don’t want anybody else to know that they’re Laurelin Paige dirty Christmas Ya filthy animals so they need deniability they have to act like they don’t really want to do it that way if you get busted by the cops she can go he made any good officer he made me do it but if you don’t get busted by cops the next day she would oh my god we were so crazy last night wasn’t that fun oh my god yeah give him two weeks it’ll been her idea okay yeah that’s how women work stand your ground gentlemen drop a little base and your boys can look crazy bitch take your goddamn panties off lots of spit remember no Turkic oh okay right there nicey-nice he’s into okay at first you are like give her about 25 seconds she’ll be pushing back okay all I know if here we go Ralphie how can you advocate people fingerbang and drive but it’s not texting Texans way up here think the babies down here Idiom Practice eyes front Isla St eyes front okay hey get on the freeway all right finger blaster on the freeway okay all right turn the radio to classic rock and hopefully journey will play journey is the number one finger banging his band of all time I wouldn’t saw journey in 1985 and I took a little girl in the name Jennifer and I figure banned her the entire concert how awesome is that when I left that concert my hand looks like I’ve been swimming too long so if you doing it right okay here’s what happened okay she will crush your hand with her thighs crush your hand with your spine and give you a little palsy hand ten little paws in hand you ever seen anybody with a t-rex arm I love those guys man it’s okay laughs even people say I look like a fag I let nobody dump okay little paw be hand work that bucket right there take the passenger side wheels and put them in this little bumps on sy the road yeah that’s how you get a waffle hey guys thank you so much