Ladies and gentlemen please welcome brother William thank you open yes my little salmon headed friend I think good night thank you my man don’t you understand English when you made the orgasm up front let’s have a cigarette let’s relax we’re here in New York I’ll be asleep this is not gonna be your normal night in Seattle this will be Shakespeare with a strap-on so that’s the way you like from the musical Fantastic Voyage or maybe the last thing a clitoris tease this is brought to you by HBO which is subsidiary of Time Warner also owned by America Online you’ve got mail I hope you don’t have stocks they’re so reassuring the other day George W Bush talked to the stock market and must be him talking about business ethics is kind of like having a leper give you a facial it doesn’t really work see a lot of our imports come from other countries no shirt issue woopsie moving right along meanwhile Maikel is protesting I don’t know if any it was strange enough when Michael was the best man at Liza’s wedding that for me it was like you’re pushing the term my man that was a pretty short last one Richard Simmons hunting what happened but now Marco is claiming racism I’m going honey you gotta pick a race burger why are you planning mistreatment of elf’s what are you saying girl you gotta pick a gender – what are you coming for you weren’t Diana Ross now you’ve just left it all behind me and Michael you’re not a freak you’re just yeah well surgically enhanced and you spent more money than the Vatican so let’s not talk if you go to Neverland it says you must be this high to ride Michael Thanks obviously people in the lawyers.
Rh4 you’re going how up you have to be 4l sharpen to go I’m out of here me I’ll sharpen bills on your ass even rats are gone guys quit from the donkey process he is running for office in Idaho on the what a mile to a crazy chance in hell you’ll be elected ticket sorry my lips just one couple just like see people and thank you are babe thank you we’re worried about the Pledge of Allegiance we were gonna say one nation under dog it’s okay I know people go for this I’m one nation under Canada above Mexico yes yeah but then you have to do the whole of it there’s anthems like someone Bless America and stand in the dollar bill instead of In God We Trust in gates we trust mr. did you realize you’re recording monopoly monopolies just a game senator I’m trying to control the world don’t you say Windows millennium maybe he told leading to General Dynamics information technology soon it’ll be total Entry Level information technology kit and when you’re sucking on the tip I have you by the motherboard I’ll be afraid but it’s a nice day in New York ma people it’s a beautiful day New York police have a catch and release program where to go stop okay going again today and now back to be in New York is like have a nice day you my friend enjoy your day but the most beautiful thing about a day like today in this New York is that the ladies take the twins for a walk oh yeah the titties are out today on a hot day all the kiddies are out there and they’re the titties like God made him in a beautiful Chili’s all different shapes sizes and women running and they’re going Hubbell homina and then they hit it breeze and chickens done they do not like that it’s in Vegas or even God goes I didn’t make those weird you know fix it some like Nazis they know laughs they don’t dance I’m walking here I’ve seen a woman turning legit stay there hey babies look if you don’t have any cheese because they’d knock them out now I’ve seen shits that are really bad like they had the nipples on the top it looked like kill raw head but don’t talk me about that when you go up Madison Avenue you see some hardcore surgery like I’m so scared but I can’t express it these are the ladies who had so much surgery they’re going what are these lumps under my eyes those are your tits madam don’t ask mrs. Trotsky don’t ask this is good news for your need and girls getting Botox injections so look I don’t have any wrinkles you have no expression look like you have a slight coma but you’re beautiful all this amazing transformation when guys say to you baby I want you to get your tits done for me okay mm-hmm do it for me do it for your daddy man then you say okay then I want you to get your ball done for me I want you to get those big old boy basketball so when you do the Baywatch thing it’s like better nothing drives a woman crazy like a big old Easter basket on her bunny so when you go to the cottage you go to the doctor girls and pepijn to me meet payback’s a bitch go for it girls thought you went through a hard time this whole winter was so bizarre the temperatures it was like 80 20 30 50 it was weather by simple weird so what I’m gonna go I don’t know what’s going on this spring flowers were like anti-itch doing I’m out I mean I’m out no I love the wind throat George came.
Back from Japan when I went to the coyote conference no it’s Kyoto oh it’s a very good car no George walk away they said there’s no global warming but right now the North Pole is a pool there’s things just floating away and it is beyond global warming at this point it is cooking it’s 105 the middle of the country and people come up going no I like sweat to be rolling down the trunk of my ass like oh they’re just like old man titties too laughs take my man and you see people in short so you’re going please don’t put those on and if you go to Southwest Airline they’re going I’m sorry um you’re not fat you’re horizontally challenged big people and now if you go to Southwest Airlines you have to buy two seats the problem is they’re not together Gary you know I’m just put your tits in the overhead rack but pickle don’t mind now we’re working our way through and all over the country you got weird dates like in Houston they got environs for you we’re gonna call it fifth amendment seal but I can’t call it we’re field Arthur Anderson put in the chairs as I spin both wage not a Martha Stewart maybe it comes somebody I like to consider it more like severe companions if you only have one room and I’d like to call it my private space use the light well know you have vertical bars don’t use horizontal blinds also think of your ankle bracelet as an accessory when it goes off like this can’t wait for the first time cheers let’s but you’ll call this cheese shut up bitch you’re inside now your mind on baby all over things have been going good yeah I’ve been all over I’ve been to Memphis I’ve been to Graceland and I never knew the Ray Charles had a decorating license but there’s some severe there are colors there that have never seen daylight I’ve been to Nashville I’ve heard people sing songs like Oh take your finger out of my ass cuz I’m leaving you behind it’s a weird thing and sweating like crazy up here right now but it’s HBO cuz it’s live on own house now you got it all going on people playing baseball it’s good you got a good scene Yankees are kicking a game way to go right you did a good job it came through and everybody’s worried about people playing you know playing baseball on steroids and come on really well that’s one quick way you tell two things happen on steroids your balls shrink and your head grows so if someone steps up to the plate with a Mardi Gras head and raising it you’re out down poor Barry Bonds man there won’t pitch tournament when they do they’re trying to kill him it’s like house airfare to baseball B and for Jerusalem right now I do believe there’s a plan I have a plan it’s an interesting plan it’s called a timeshare like Miami let’s try that Jews will get Hanukah Passover Christians will get Christmas Easter and Moslems will have Ramadan and another holiday kaboom nah obviously right now the people in h4 you’re going what are you’re doing your but for me I’m very excited because this is my time when I was watching World Cup soccer my main I saw a World Cup baby no shoe soccer friends the rest of your bond for the rest of the world it’s football for us it’s like a strange sport played by damaged people we made it in the World Cup everybody plays it not like the World Series because the French don’t have a baseball team if did they would only have left field and no one would be today to Marie Antoinette a Salesman head no we’re your friends you Americans I don’t care my friend is it right now my Lance Armstrong is in France racing it into he’s right now tan and every year difference cool he’s on chemicals I’m going it’s chemotherapy you little toad sucker okay yeah one testicle he’s never dynamic everybody cannot suppose to be quick I’ll do it don’t be afraid because you know when you look at the World Cup America we made it to the 16 man we’re no longer in the Special Olympics can’t go home it is to see us coming one or give it to them they’re damaged people unlike the Brazilians men when the Brazilians place like Bank then don’t bending didn’t they and the fans are like an big event Amy Brazilians go look I’m playing soccer okay look I’m scoring and now I’m kicking the ball Melo you know it’s a little passive-aggressive though when you got that thing of like kids I didn’t do anything what are you looking at it’s not like hockey where someone comes up with a stick and goes back mother bomb that’s why they know Spanish hockey players cuz the first time a white guy takes a stick and goes yeah and you Freddy Krueger bitch take off the mask for the are coming in there got a minute but like soccer sometimes guys do this weird thing they’ll fall down to pretend like oh shit I’m sorry I think I’ve been whining there’s nobody near me huh okay I’m Katie and the referee comes over little Kyle two yellow cards hey hold on three cards green card the referee is so sweet – it’s kind of like okay what’s your name turn around what’s your name why didn’t you call me after the Mexico game not like you know football referees who have that too much commercial time bad wait men dancing on the field moving away what are we doing and then it would strange in the World Cup they always claim there’s aeverine someone have been.
The mauve hand fairy godfather if call you Elena it’s a great greeting these people do that come on go love you hey we were talking briefly about bad refereeing the worst one I guess was in the Figure Skating winter olympics with the French judge once again the French with us they’re the Canadians they skate perfectly a we did it perfect who then the Russians they come oh they up in the French judgment how like life they up I give it to them oh and that’s what I’m going where is Tanya Harding when you need her Tanya would have been on that judge like shit on velcro she be good give me a milieu sense or but instead we get to see Tanya fight pull a Jones in an all white trash weekend Green Acres trailer park Thursday and Tonya went right for Paula to she went right for the nose that’s a Clinton money nothing and then next it’s gonna be joy but if you co fights John Wayne Bobbitt there will be no hitting below the belt there might what’s next the Nixon daughters battles for the library money kitty litter is my picture store at this point even Caligula’s going what the are you people doing what if you have Hannibal Lecter on Iron Chef just kick out the jams because we’ve got chamber the chair fear factor people in Texas are going we got those Yahoo’s what just don’t fail them two weeks ago the Supreme Court banned execution of retarded and people in Texas are going shit man cuz they were seven retarded people every other week was like go sit on Santa’s lap and I know the definition of retarded in Texas is pretty wide but let’s roast it out there it’s pretty wild too you know even the Taliban is going you crazy motherfuckers there was a guy with one leg they weren’t gonna give him a wooden leg it was gonna be dead man hopping 5 10 15 but there is the moment of compassion before the lethal injection they do an alcohol swab which is so nice are you doing we don’t want you to get that last second infection oh man it’s hobble safe now buddy remember the Sochi 2014 winter olympics they were so proud that had them in Utah saying god it’s a great place what was Amish country book what come on down to Salt Lake we’re gonna party like it’s 1955 bring your wives come on down after the closing ceremony they introduced Donny and Marie as the first couple of Utah I went oh honey no they’re only a couple in Arkansas ah nice and gentlemen if you’re going to George I just want to tell you Ted Turner and Jane Fonda broke up the day Jane found God and Ted found out it wasn’t him now we’re at the Olympics once again we’re talking about the figure skating where the judge did all the controversy but fact find the figures getting to be kind of sexy yeah baby you know not ice dancing which is talking on value that’s not good but does that tears figure skating and there’s that one very special lift where the male figure skater goes right here we even kind of colleges for go put on a it’s that daddy who’s your daddy who’s yeah and I’m going let’s cut the foreplay let’s come on and she holds on without her hands even the fridge stretch we go I like it I don’t care I’m giving them middle the Canadia so fabulous and there’s other kind of sexual things in the Olympics is there’s a luge which I have only one question what drunken German gotta call just invented that spot what guy went you know what I want to address like a sperm shove an ice skate in my ass and go balls first down and I should yeah that would be fun now this is for pussies I will do kegels yeah and do not talk to me about the two-man lose I’m saying boys get a room come on like that turn your best you make it hard way poor guy get to the end of the run going I got wood man I’m sorry are you cost us the race your penis 1/100 of a second wind resistance we could have won if you want my goofy dolphin boy yes there’s always some horrible drug scandalous on the Olympics this year was a Spanish cross-country scaler schemer which is like a skier are you to a scaler yes he was going down and he basically they accused him of taking now well some performance-enhancing drug like an elephant growth hormones are you on some sort of drug are you taking an animal tranquilizer Oh No and they didn’t bother drug testing you’re snowboarders they just don’t get the out car girl my little boys have fun guess I realized the word halfpipe meant something high because it’s a very strange thing remember the kid he won the gold medal day he was in freestyle and they said do you want to be in a box of Wheaties he would know Count Chocula ha a clue unlike the poor Canadian snowboarder 1998 Olympics I took away his middle because he tested positive for marijuana which is kinda redundant one number two they said that marijuana was a performance-enhancing drug marijuana Nance as many things fuller’s tastes sensations but you are certainly not empowered when stoned you’re lucky to find your own goddamn feet the only way that’s a performance-enhancing drug use if there’s a big Hershey bar an end to the run oh yeah you’ll be like a Swiss ski jumper going I’m mad poor Canadian snowboarder they asked for his medal back and he couldn’t find it it’s round his neck a little goofy Canadian bastard then they have weird sports like the biathlon which is it’s like Norwegian drive-by hit the TV on crazy and we’re out of the Canadians they won the gold medal in hockey they’re so nice hey it’s your only sport come on that a mutant form of football we’ve got 13 men’s we have an angle field no you have fun enjoy Mariota Canadians Canada it’s like a lost department of a really great party you they’re all up there going yeah we are.
Nicely assumed cricket and a great prime minister out and we have nice he’s right there he was the only man in the world I don’t need no Secret Service a guy comes to hit me I knock him out it I’m junk again which versus your president who’s a good man but I don’t care but for me do you know K Bakshi point to break away from Canada but still keep the currency what about that let’s make a kid moving out of the hospital I still would like to get money off you what are you doing Canadian money is also called the loony how can you take an economic crisis seriously the loony is down oh how sad for you but everyone was so happy that the Olympics of security was so tight they were like skirt he was amazing at the Olympics yeah Utah’s the whitest state in the Union and arimin you tell us like an albino at the Apollo you wouldn’t notice we found one oh he’s just 10 everybody else come on in and the problem there was basically Clear Capsule white powder everywhere so all the dogs looking for anthrax are going oh poor dogs they look for anthrax and cocaine they go back to their cage at the end of the day going I can’t taste my ass I don’t know oh it’s my tail meanwhile your cat sits over there going you’re still an you is it me or a cat’s drag queens I think you love kitty are these your shoes but hold up kitty who loves kidding and the weight and the cool thing to male cats have done amazing thing when they gotta walk around going that’s mine I like that too thank God men are dressed in a nice car bomb by now what are you doing or just shopping I got a baby Oh anthrax thing had people going to.
Member they said don’t open your mail why there’s Dried Egg white powder in envelopes really your mother no I used to listen Royal Icing white powder in envelopes we weren’t on line we did lines my friend oh yeah anyone binges the on trying to tell us and no there are people trying to kill us and that’s why I bought a gas mask I thought I’ll be safe I’ve got a gas mask um wait a minute I can’t even get a condom on when I want to you know that’s a big gun hey baby yeah I’ll be right with honey you playing beat the clock there’s a.
Penis like a midget the diving suit I don’t think we’re going in today Pete we didn’t make the deadline oh yeah out do you remember when they sent anthrax to come they sent the Tom Daschle’s office and they cleared that place out everybody else come on eze med suits they’re all leaving they’re putting them underground they’re protecting them but it’s the congressman walk out they go but the rest of you go about your lives everything is perfectly okay we’ll be miles away hey it’s like when you go to the dentist and he puts a little bed bit over your balls he walks behind concrete boy you’ll be fine anyway they’re all over there all those old senators like Strom and Jesse gone you know the Confederate flag is just a symbol of states rights yeah the swastika is just a Tibetan good-luck charm come on out of here now it’s scary one thing when did Ted Kennedy become Jabba the Hutt he’s you’re clearly not a Macy’s Day float come on bring him down we’re voting subway boy I said no to the Krispy Kreme yes and Congress recently approved the covert plan to assassinate San Jose what they then is publicly approve the secret plan to assassinate you say I wonder if he knows ah but I do know I don’t guess one thing I know there’s a cure for whatever bioterrorism that they send us I know there’s one and it lies within cliff Richards I know that he’s the only man in the planet who can go and threat doesn’t go to my Ecola Bob Keith is the only man who can make the Osbourne’s look Amish he’s insane I’ve seen please go to a prom even cut deals good I’m out and I’m sorry I have nothing best supposedly he goes to Switzerland and changes its not like 1 pint but like a Chevrolet all of it I just want to know who gets his blood some of those Swiss man’s going howdini there’s not a go on door you bitch we’re gonna pay for me experience cuz I know this I know that we may all be getting gone case will still be there with five cockroaches please we’ll go you know I smoked your uncle did you know that crazy because this is what’s happening ladies in general every soften Rumsfeld comes out goes I don’t know where I don’t know what something Awful’s gonna happen thank you that’s all for today no further questions oh excuse me can you give me a clue what is it the central intuitive agency now boy are you working with Miss Cleo I don’t know where I don’t know we but something else was going to happen and definitely don’t marry that fat man you only want your forty money girl people are suing Miss Cleo for fraud I went da what do you want what do you want a blind tarot card before you go ha first of all she’s a psychic why does she need a phone one number two that fetch moon unit to make it accent good Oh like if she was a real psychic should be like those Louisiana psychic Oh ah I got the puck and stuff they can put a play slip Ike come on now I’m sorry it’s like buying haircare products from cher she’s wearing a wig you idiot here’s what you have to do you have to take that little abdominal thing that helped me lose weight well Chuck your fat ass sitting watching TV I’m getting six pack herbs by knocking my testicles around no what you do is you strap that to your head and say hi stupid chick for no reason Hey cuz now man we were in trouble times you know but initially happened I thought the Statue of Liberty would change this time to give me tired your poor you here with a baseball back on you wanna be today that’s when it happened there was hardcore security New York you had hardcore security stopping people on the way in the tunnels in Washington that they change flight an air cover everywhere in San Francisco not so hardcore sutured Golden Gate Bridge at one end there’s a Hummer and I’m talking about the car not what 100 here to Kent State national guardsmen at the other end of the bridge another Hummer to national government problem is the Hummer and the Va Benefits national guardsmen are in jungle camouflage for those we’ve never been to San Francisco at the bridge is bright orange I feel like going to be barely choir what working for Taylor Liz oh what airport security member before all this happened it was like okay get on the plane coming in different that’s a gun you could carry a four-inch blade on a plane that’s about that long no you can’t even carry a nail clipper on a plane are they afraid they’re gonna go on give me planer the bitch lose with a beautiful I’ve got a nail file I can be irritated and if you have a state or any piece of meat they don’t give you a knife so it’s like quit for fireflies the Hindu man in the back is going holding a ball higher put it here don’t be afraid to use your hands because now when it goes through airport security that’s tight you go through the middle detection if you’re heavily pierced like some of my friends it’s like check out your keister tip of the iceberg playing the home game this is called a Prince Albert and I’m sure that was his last wish I’m sorry Albert said Victoria I’m dying I want you to name museum a performance hall and a boat through the clock after me that would be betrayal secret no my darling say little songs to people like that a little anal sauce go buddy and I’m talking pierced all heavily pierce not like Britney Spears I’m a virgin yeah Michael Jackson’s the father move on yeah I’m talking like a hoop through your nipple you know let’s get down I’m guessing just a layer you’re closer coupling you know when you have a big hook for if you come where you want to tie up upon me no oh you have troops to the nipples ago here’s her towels isn’t hers whatever you want I’ll towel down here so you can wash up fun but the most interesting thing is when you see a girl with a bolt through a tongue and I went why did you do that to intensify your simulation nothing guys my boyfriend crazy like the feel of cold steel on his hot rod promise I end up knocking out all my teeth and living in a Myrtle Manor trailer park with a man named Bubba that’s the trade-off my darling it’s what you want to do here’s some fun stuff when I was growing up I didn’t have playboy or penthouse sad to me but I had National Geographic and the girls that got me crazy oh yeah do that try the parents crazy when you come down the stairs going up I’m an egg or you’re the fool you bangee go mom dad don’t Dorothy they play I never take out the plate and jump rope with your lower lip ha what screaming oh shit Union guys don’t touch a mystery this shit is gonna be more precious than.
Oil this is the stuff ten years from now it’s already starting to happen people be going nope I got water and if you want a cold I got ice mother we you’re going on the plains now you always have this strange thing it comes on the sweet little southern stuarti season comes out ladies and gentlemen before we board tonight we’re just gonna do a few random bad chicks these are totally random I’m just gonna read off a few nights awesome been seen I came in late haven’t been Judy Smith 14 Arabs and a bond and every black man in every Hispanic man in the room was going thank you God oh we’re off the list yeah John deed man Tommy with you now hobby you better learn to go orderly I’m sure the joint mix it up they take the knitting needles away from the 85 year old lady where cuz I’m gonna give up to me and the five year old kid they’re patting him down he’s going what are you doing you’re not a priest I see so you had a problem – I gasps father Pat’s little private package that’s like a gameboy game good wash up to me really what’s up it’s amazing they even catch him and was this enough to catch him but they had the divine witness protection program no find the briefs tears the pen for there is a bit of a breeze swirling around here we go up don’t do it don’t tell you might end up right in here we go here we go here’s your check from room by yourself a brand-new home arena moon was amazing applause break number two what’s amazing.
When the Pope gathered all the Cardinals in Rome and went there one problem is he’s dressed like Liberace stunt double oops I have a solution though it’s a problem priest little thing a shop color if they go near a kid it’s like no Timmy Oh Tommy I fix no or the automated confessional could be fun if this is a venial sin press one this is a carnal sin trust – if this is Cardinal law please stay on the line because we have to remember so we have to keep track now yeah one other thing now no right now it’s up there I’m watching hi miss grant puffed but we’re now under the offices of Emergency Management homeland security Tom Ridge will come out every so often ago today’s a blue day no orange red and that to be very careful picking that name Phone Number homeland security you couldn’t stay fatherland because a lot of all Germans are going but United States homeland security sounds like home front security which was England during World War two old men with pitchforks and colostomy bags defending England there they were I captured Rudolf Hess personally I assume a colostomy bag covered him in sight and said get out of that you fucker get out there I did and I also find out now the Winston Churchill will the greatest horses of all time may have been so up on cognac and champagne that he didn’t do some of his great speeches they were done but a man’s in the BBC who also did we need the poo we will fight them on the beaches yeah on the land your Tigger and he was fighting against Hitler a man who recently a book declared was a homosexual and I always thought this was a clue that in the letter and the dancing but we are now finding ourselves once again trying to even during these troubled times George Bush tony blair militant liberal over here george w bush compassionate conservative you know that it sounds come like evolve over the gun wreck but over here Prime Minister tony blair a man who must address the House of Commons which is like Congress with a two-drink minimum crazy place shine Bullock Bassett you what summoner mobile snatcher from the chamber very good but it was Tony who said they say this incident has brought us to the edge of oblivion but our civilization shall endure and there’s poor W going shit I can’t even spell it cuz you look at Bush and you realize it’s Bush 2.0 okay it’s a beta release he came a certain bugs in the software all right he’ll go this country will not be taking hostile oops delete hostage okay I mean you look at him in you realize those have a short attention span you’d be going our economy is growing but this kind of reminds me of the guy in college with the tunnel going to catch it just wanting to drive but you realize some men are born great some achieve greatness some get as a graduation him that’s okay historically you must look at it from a historical perspective though he’s George the second to boy King a man we thought could only lose but somehow won because of Confused Hebrews yes it is that and notice keeps my friends W doesn’t speak while changes drinking water check that shit out that’s why baby when everything went down they put W out there but they protected Cheney remember that Cheney had angioplasty most people wait till a ton of heals he was like I’m perfectly fine Sean okay there’s Ashcroft on the back one look they weren’t us whole work they are folks remember here’s the drill yes remember John Ashcroft is a man who lost to a dead man in Missouri I forget that choices in Missouri were John Ashcroft dead man and people in Missouri went I’m sorry but I’m sorry John the dead man scares me less than you do girl for me no it’s strange but I know.
This doesn’t scare me the W wave did Stevie Wonder that’s okay Stevie’s only been blind since birth there’s turbulence teeny even Stevie Wonder’s waving at me does he think I’m looking for a deal no what scares me is the W almost died from the test but you have millions dollars of national defense they want billions more for national security to up the stakes and he almost goes down from snack-food secret service ago game’s over Brad you look it’s down Gilligan is down step away from the chip sir hydrate you bastard hydrate his own dogs didn’t give a shit they were looking for the salt bridge apart you need a dog that cares to talk like Lassie he would go oh what’s wrong Lexi president something I’m like mr. Cheney’s meeting with the Enron people unemployed Secretary’s an ad Oh what about the sorry girl we’re gonna have to put you or Kenny boy innocence the feds are caja welcome boys and girls to Disney’s new ride investment Pirates of the Caribbean your money texting it doesn’t check out we’d have to know this my friends you know this sometimes he catch George unprepared he says unusual things like the first day they said mister Bush what are we gonna do he said well we’re gonna go after these folks and conduct a crusade everybody in the room wins its name I’m saying children the number zero they’re coming and you can’t palm they Afghan is back to the Stone Age cuz he’ll go up great father now today’s Battlefield 4 bombing raid has enlarged the hole from yesterday’s China Rising bombing raid we have little trouble from to here go to the upper right-hand corner possible member of the Taliban or concubine we’re not sure we get 500 Worth Today million dollars muscle possessed and we’re successful operation extreme redundancy is carrying on now then we start to drop bombs food boss there’s the fun part some of the bombs were little yellow bombs and the food packages for little yellow packages so now you’re putting survivor the real like okay I was here yesterday I’m gonna go for this one today and what was in those packages pop-tarts Ice Cream peanut butter and all you needs a honey baked ham and you got a redneck Christmas Oh drop the honey back time on the bottle somebody idiot nah why are we dropping pop-tarts and Cream Cheese peanut butter on Afghanistan number one taste a shitload better than dirt yes number two more importantly very difficult to have it cold to jihad with a mouthful of Chocolate Chip peanut butter secondly or thirdly for those keeping track Afghanistan is a hashish smoking culture and anyone who’s ever been a friend of the hookah what we’re trying to do we’re trying to win hearts and minds how we that do we build a big amusement park or muslim’ up with the Daffy Duck no do we have a wet burger contest no do we play catch Stevens Records okay off drop us on Stewart tapes no we have a children’s show called Saudi Doody know what we must do is go the Greek way the least other way you gotta get a sister you know what I’m sayin and you gotta get a sister from Brooklyn mm-hm you know what I mean uh-huh girl you know what I’m sayin one of those bitches you see on Jerry Springer go drop her ass in Cabo and she’ll go girl you don’t have to dress like a motherfucking beekeeper forget that you don’t have to meet Casper’s bitch forget take off that 50 bags out he’s B and if he picks up a rock cause you’re talking to another man you pick up a bigger rock and say she has hit the fan he tries to cut off your make you a Barbie doll you grabbed a knife and say Lorena by the time don’t make me go Cobra I will go Oprah on your ass don’t make it cuz what are we dealing with we’re dealing with fundamentalists the Amish are fundamentalist but they don’t try and hijack carriage a needlepoint and if you’re ever in Amish country and say mmm this arm bearing the horse’s ass that’s a mechanic remember that what are we looking for we are looking for Osama bin Laden one of 52 children even Freud would say what does he look like without the beard Howard Stern Barbra Streisand I don’t know I don’t care I know this is a six foot five Arab on dialysis what is that so hard to somebody attached to the luggage be needed try this I also know one thing when you see the tapes of him you see a psychopath very calmly talking about a lot of things I would wait a minute we have some of our own Theodore Kaczynski sitting around with nothing to do Reds played a beautiful mind the hunger you give Ted a mailing list and some tools you said these people have been bad because of a battle very bad I just need it soon I just want a few things oh I know you do here you go or maybe we get Charles Manson great organizer and Colonel the chicks but no you can’t use him because Chuck all the time comes up for parole nice couch the swastika in his forehead I’m better in many ways yeah what’d you do figured out everybody because what are we dealing with a jihad it sounds like a country-western turn Mike G ah but if energy taught you kill an infidel which I’m set to say he’s all of us and you yourself die you go to heaven and you were greeted by 71 dark-haired virgins anyone who’s ever been with one virgins going for my talent portion there’s an article in New York Times the Quran discovers said the actual translation is not 71 dark eight virgins but 71 crystal-clear raisins slight difference in interpretation really that’s very fine get thou shalt not kill is no shalt not wear a kilt and the Scotties are gone no imagine some guy blows himself up goes to the gates of heaven saying well my bitches here your raisins or 71 Virgil’s gone but one day we get the Sun up in Latin it goes to the gates of heaven there’s George Washington waiting going how dare you defile that which we created such a boiling on it seventy other members of the Continental Congress come down and then he’s version 71 forge engines you ask Jesus did you call the cab come on haha yes I feel it finally the PCs we crossed the politically correct line it was okay to beat the shit out of him I don’t do the ethnic joke how Buddhist a few yes I don’t want to distort the two Buddhist Buddha do what is the Buddhist terrorist dude goes in the street takes against self barbecue people killing each other in the name of God are going to be making your deal with your shit because I don’t understand the whole fundamentalist thing you see I’m in Episcopal that’s Catholic light it’s kinda like same religion half the guilt it’s frightening you know Catholics have confession epistles have Thanksgiving your day there’s a couple of gin and tonics I never loved your mother you know that no yeah I didn’t dad and she’s right there tell her again because you have to realize Episcopal is basically Church of England which was Henry the eighth’s breaking away from the Catholic Church I’m the Pope now haha he broke away and then deeper broke away from that chest of a Calvinists they found him to be too loose and then there were the people broke with me cover still the Puritans our ancestors people so uptight the English kicked them out how anal you have to be for the English to go fucker rotate your keep shoes good and they land here in America going hello we bring you guilt save us an alcohol I hope you no man here chief try this and what you drunken just keep hoping to your feathers float tell you game and the Indians go or would we have a gift you for us it’s a sacred herb but for you it’ll be an addictive carcinogen I hope you enjoy welcome to clusters of casino that tears this is my wife sits with a full house it is never time for the white man to get drunk and we will get back to land you took from us thank you and here’s the thing all those people the Puritans they stayed here and then they’ve groups broke away from them and then they get to people that really become severe the people knock on your door at 6:30 in the morning on slam they’re going heavy fine Jesus and you just want come to the door nude and go no help me look for him come on yeah you get people like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell so this was proud upon us by our sinful ways I’m gonna put him on a plane taking over the Ayatollah to have worldwide fundamentalist wrestling one-time-only on life after death snatch from all of our souls let’s get ready to Humble the cutters here’s the drill fundamentalist take it to be the word translatable not metaphorical the word in the beginning Genesis led to be light could that be a metaphor for the Big Bang no God just wait click so you’re saying we’re all descended from Adam and Eve then we’re all cousins that’s right here’s the thing there are miracles all there’s miracles in the Bible like when Moses and I’m not talking guns and Moses no I’m talking not charlie passing by you’ll have to choose go to Pharaoh gets tuna head no joke Nestor the man who said guns don’t kill people it’s with guns kill people Oh Chucky no second-amendment it’s not a famous muzzleloaders people going like and this still continues that’s okay but I’m talking about the time Moses said to Pharaoh let my people go and Pharaoh within your dreams and Moses called the God going girl I need some help and frogs silt from the sky maybe they trust mascara maybe don’t use with catapults yeah and st. Karlis Egyptians not the French because the French would go punch okay why should we let you go you’re great big girls again that you go to you crazy people laugh but frog fell from the sky at that point I be going get your shit out throats as a woman that’s what we should do that we should go up on Afghanistan my bombs not food frogs lizards hamsters gerbils shit that one see and if you want to get people on a caved shitload of New York rats oh no bring it on then and even then Pharaoh was not Plus you saw please David Copperfield loan and then boils and then firstborn dies that’s it everybody hello let’s not wait for the bread prizes take the crackers in the skin off your penis we live in stinky why the skin of a penis we’re traveling people you don’t want stand in there let’s go and this is so classy the binky say forget it let’s move we’re going through the desert then they get the Ten Commandments would be justify certain presidents that happens later and they get to the Red Sea there the sea and they go what mom it’s the magic what we do now we’re gonna walk on the freight with the Frog box frogs backs thank you for watching me this far obviously I didn’t heal so what we do now is complete shut and it calls to God again and the CD tots and even the most doubting chew is going you’re good everybody let’s move don’t eat the shellfish I’ll tell you why later let’s go where are we going Jerusalem to stock years of struggle and later Miami to up an election let’s go and then the Pharaoh comes for the seat closes and he calls to his cat like God but it’s kept like I can’t do shit cuz it’s afraid of water and then there’s another miracle the night that Mary said to Joe I’m pregnant Joe and Holy Mother of God she went you’re right oh Jesus Christ what a great name Joe there is so much balance fool way to go I love your doing hold on a minute Mary hold on a minute so I’m the stepfather of God’s kid yeah so I can’t discipline him I can’t go you’ve done wrong if the kid look me and say you’re not my real dad what are you doing Mary how did it happen it’s immaculate Joe would better be Mary it better be immaculate I’m sorry I have to transforming Joe into Ralph Kramden but it seemed to be kind of appropriate because up to that point all the names in the Bible verjuice you have Noah Moses Zebedee and then you get Mary and Joe we are just a – it away from Mary Jane and Joe Bob what could head Jim Bob to Sonic Allah when gets me a job Jim Bob and here’s the other drill Jesus was an only child because thank God who would want to be Jerry the brother of Christ that’s a tough gig come on joy we’re going to the beach all great mom Jesus gonna walk on the water feed everybody heal him and get a whole bunch of disciples I’ll sit there with the ration sand in my ass great day for me games up in a bar at age of 30 gone yeah I’m Jerry Christ yeah somebody hit spot come on boy heel yeah look at ya my brother I’m a plumber you do the math and people said to me they said Jesus wasn’t Jewish yes of course he was thirty years old single living at home with his parents give these Jewish give it up it’s an old tradition and if he was Jewish and many of his disciples were Jewish before the Last Supper would they not have gone out for Chinese I think so one moment service no sign okay you coming up hold on you had 12 oh I got is two tables of six right now they’re not together wait a minute hold on I got one big table by the window but you all have to face this way all right hold on you are blowing nine and you’re just turning such one chicken into a chicken you let go and it said night that Jesus turned to his disciples and said one of you shall betray me Peter said is a be and Jesus said no it is not you Peter Simon said he’s a major system Jesus turn to Simon said no it’s not your son and Judas said is it may Jesus thus you see two traditions beginning to sarcasm and gentle humor together born at that moment and the next day the miracle occurred good fiction resurrection and you bows again from the dead and he sees a shadow another 2,000 years ago yes and here’s for me the one big question how do you get crucifixion resurrection and then chocolate bunnies colored eggs how you do that money even clipper going rabbits don’t lay eggs what is this and you don’t want a kid biting the head off a chocolate Jesus that’s not hey you know what a little cream chill crosslink know you don’t want that you don’t want to be putting raspberry jam in the grass clever Jesus kids come on cuz what are we trying to do you’re trying to keep them involved that’s where we have the Saints all the saints that did all those amazing things to keep you open those Saints they hold there to keep you and give you action up and then we’re starting to lose them like Saint Christopher Chris sorry babe dashboard sales are down metal start selling Barry will drop the kid off your back pick up your stuff go out of here baby thank you we’re gonna have safe product our lady of accessories come on but I want to say like Peace Prize mother teresa oh she’s the one who said gonna do no great things only small things with great love and pat robertson said she’s not a real christian why pecker she doesn’t have a tax shelter in a university give it up baby Nobel Peace mother teresa never had a line of products she never had her own perfume compassion by Nobel Prize mother teresa I smell because I care compassion Gandhi never heard Gandhi chains well they’re simply not eating or telling the English to get the out Gandhi chains they come inside one and below because boundary was an amazing man their study what do you think of Western civilization he said I think it would be a wonderful idea what I know tifa’s Gundy there was somebody in a Bombay I know Gandhi there was a prick I saw him sucking on a pork hot dog hitting on High School mother teresa you kept saying who’s your daddy who’s your daddy I saw it with my own eyes so that if you don’t believe me a bitch slap you like Sheba I could don’t press this don’t do that don’t go dingdong your don’t India is the World War atomic bomb my friend I could turn this whole place into chicken tikka me India is the bomb Pakistan as the bomb and we are prepared to fight over Kashmir and your president probably thought it was a sweater what another I tell you this even I’ve got a mate at seven underground nuclear test and your spy satellites will a great choice in the loop this is what I’m telling you India has the bomb Pakistan has the bomb China has the bomb or not maybe they just have 1 billion people go the bomb will minimum maybe you want a dirty bomb and the French essentially Bob – maybe they have the Michelin bomb ah only destroys response under four stops and they still just a few people who Street the bombs under contest what they do in the Sahara in your basement no off Tahiti in why because we’re friendly oh look at Greenpeace boats coming to protest off I think you am I not look baby we hate all of you Oh the Germans are here hello America welcome back friends no come to Camilla Disneyland Paris we won’t go but vintage and we’ll have a Minnie Mouse with Amedeo smoking your dad was going on never loved Mickey you know what yes three fingers what am I a bowling ball Levine your dress rack like bastard I don’t care but that is one country that watches out for all of us the Swiss yeah don’t you leave a convention if there’s about nuclear war they won’t be the only people going in there big hollowed out country with their chocolate and their watches yeah the nice Germans yeah OS they like to say the other white race I have only one question how can you trust an army how butch is an army that has a wine opener on his knife many of you men have never opened Chardonnay on the fire first of all you take out the wind any political developed a meat or fish and throw I don’t know but I’ve been told Chardonnay must be served cold oh my god where did all this impressionistic alot come from and all this jewelry from 1939 to 1945 fairies must have product during the night suddenly I have to do the vault Heimlich and cough up an account number I know this one thing I know there is one country that is not developing some horrible weapon of destruction that does not have a secret weapons lab up in the mountains jamika hey man Jamaica would never make an War 2 atomic bomb they may make an Cold War atomic bomb goes off the fire I spoke this before the communion is you Jesus nothing ever will I actually do what they say because I met this one thing man I know only one thing I never met me an angry pot smoker.
Won’t they gonna do I’ll hold your business I know this one wait you may never become a rocket scientist well maybe have you seen some of the things that happened recently with NASA maybe you can okay the Mars Lander okay I did the calculations in theat but I programmed the lander in meters oops so instead of landing fucker barrage 185 million dollar whoopsie two years black the Hubble telescope I forgot to put in a lens read the top line Alpha Centauri cereal compresses is the black hole I once both Stephen Hawking says hello this is Stephen Hawking yes I’d like to leave a message No I know one thing though you know hot isn’t it like alcohol changes your mood sometimes like go to a bar at happy hour and system just happy motherfuckers see those guys going women hey listen to me doesn’t mean peace listen you do not know shit of a my yeah you want a piece of yourself mmm step outside I’ll trick my ass come I’ve already shit myself I’m halfway there come on I and some people know you’ve got you can deal with it too netiquette you know if you’re Irish you’ve got a running start that you can do it better than we are you know that because if you’re Irish you know you’ll kick my ass but then your thing about it afterwards whoa that night you said my wife was fat I knocked you down and shit in your hat away in it and then you keep drinking till you’re in your 80s and you’re on a dialysis machine to and liver dance and Michael flatline and they say the Irish saved civilization drank a couple of Guinness and forgot where they put it but that’s all here’s the drill and the Japanese they drink differently than us it is you could be very polite to doing the day and all of a sudden you are I gotta mess and after fire Jack Daniels seeing you around a soccer mom and if you want a linguistic adventure bro drinking with a Scotsman because you can’t understand them before you land in Scotland and they’re going to write oh yeah I got it open you licking it sure aw shucks you read about my backside a particular problem here – I’ll show you the bathroom and you realize how drunk get they can wear a skirt I’m not gay and how they can invent a sport like golf here’s my idea for the sport I’m not a bottle in a gopher hole oh you mean like poo off fool straight stick with a little up stick I walk the ball goes in a gopher oh you mean like croquet I’ll put the whole dungeon away oh no let’s say I put shit in the word like please booze and high glass and lose your ball and go walking away with a tire iron walking away any time miss you feel like you’re gonna have a stroke that’s what we’ll call it a through cuz every time miss you feel like I got a guy Oh Greek or use a benefice I’ll is blue right near the end I’ll put a flat fish with a little flag to give you a hope but then I’ll put a sign on the do this one time no 18 today for some endless bullet balls woody can.
Dress like a pimp in corn will care where you can buy clothes and even a blind gay man would go out there Christ those are love this is not carnival what the are you on even the alligators going and again it’s such an exciting athletic sport to whack the ball get in the cart whack the ball get in the cart and the commentary is electrifying just sign a curling for really getting me going the people be quieter I’d like to hear the grass grow I want the guy who does Mexican soccer to do golf one time -.
Just to see all those overwatch people the go I’m gonna cry my god they’re not gardening they’re playing now oh shit what the hell we gonna do because that was their last domain of dominance it was their area day with a king up until take a black man an Atari woman not even Germans analysis could have thought that one off black athletic ability Buddhist concentration for the touching clutter and then it goes to the British Open many players at st. Andrews where invented the sport and after the fourth round is hitting under par and there’s only 18 holes and all the old men are gone oh my god but Jones only learn to play we won’t let him join dear God can I start having nightmares of golf carts going I’m playing through whether you’re a Gentile or a Jew couple beats Sunday because all of your gentle sports are no longer gentle tennis used to be until the Williams 40-love no that’s good love it the boxing even boxing’s changed remember boxing people I go boxing to watch the sport of boxing yes like saying I go to stock car races to see people take left turns all day no you go boxing to see someone get the beat up give it a guy who loses gone I have 18 Gta 5 million dollars I don’t know where here I’m gonna buy me a bigger house but I can’t find it until boxing was the same and then Mike Tyson comes along and bite somebody and all these old your doggie bit somebody so you’re lucky he just bit somebody might just got out of prison you’re lucky didn’t come on you bite somebody in jail and it’s like you’re ready bitch your man now break it up when I’m finished cuz Mike said you a journalist I’m gonna too you love me at that point I’m going someone didn’t come here to box babe and by it you know Mike said I’m on Zoloft but I don’t kill you I’m going up the dosage buddy what there’s all these drugs so lost Prozac I won’t have one drug encompassing it all call it all I don’t feel anything I don’t want to do anything it all the closest thing to a Coomer you’ll ever be it all I’m sitting here in my own dung it all but the scary thing about drugs like that is they always have some horrible side effect like make calls for official insemination what do you mean like there’s a product called olestra which is a very strange thing try let’s sit on this little side of the chips it said may close anal leakage that’s not a side effect if my ass is going I think that’s an effect really I think it’s firing the whole band ad is it going on Bob oh just a little anal leakage Ted Rob you want to get all the pool right now because Tim and I want science to help me God look at me look at this my god I said women in New York don’t wear fur I’m look at me this is the politically correct so red tape off my needs me chia pet come on I’m going to the zoo it monkeys go and anybody thinks the zoo is a happy place Oh watch the monkeys wait for groups of schoolchildren and watch the fun cuz the monkeys just sit there like wait for it wait till the teacher comes with a video camera now because they’re not happy even the poor.
Animals like linking the Panda she must mate so you could build a wing on the zoo so they go to China and they anesthetize a panda which is kind of redundant and they bring him back to America and give him a name like ping pong or when his Tiny’s name was who show calls better with balls of steel and they put him in the cage with Ling and say go mate and he looks at her like I would never her that is one ugly panda bitch if you are panda you will not have to I’ll get tender bitch they’re here I would not her with a koala stick oh no I would rather lick my own balls than up enemy because there is only one animal who can tell you if she is happy and wants to mate that is Coco the silverback gorilla and she saw maybe blue eyed simian she was intrigued she said to her trainer what does that mean she wants you to tickle her ok then she goes what does that mean she wants you to lift your shirt I left my shirt she reaches out and grabs both my nipples and when an 800-pound girl’s got you by the tits you listen and then a fun thing happened cuz my balls when somebody wants to play should we go to Phase two no do not go to Phase two I repeat do not go to lift off this may feel like a human but notice the placement of the thumbs this is not a human do not go to face – warning but she must have sent something because she grew up see brother hand starts to take me in the back and it’s like Doctore meets deliverance and I’m expecting the Crocodile Hunter to walk out and go Oh crikey she wants to is brined there watch out boys and girls Danger this could be like that time I put my finger in the crocks cloaca dad beard nary a part of me went could be fun make a great story for a bar guys go tonight a wild night in Vegas yeah lie back into gorilla where’s everybody going and you don’t want that late-night phone call like hello and maybe it’s because I’m 15 maybe it’s cuz when you hit 50 they the whole machinery doesn’t work so will you beat a public restroom going I don’t great game today huh.
We’ll boy because what happened is your prostate is bigger than your ego now I believe first eliminate you and your new phone and just go to the doctor you have to do the old first times oh my god I’m just putting on the glove mr. Williams I went back the second time I mooned another doctor’s name don’t do that they get jealous you’re the only one and I appreciate now and one has go to the gynecologist you don’t want a doctor who has a hobby you don’t want a gynecologist who’s also a magician no you don’t want somebody going our way to date it oh don’t well hold on is this your card I don’t want a doctor who is it pathologist and ventriloquist no I don’t want somebody take your hand out of my ass I’m not a muppet moment because when you go to the doctor in your 50s it’s no longer neatest it’s the author Oh proctoscope your colonoscopy that’s what w did yes it’s a video camera on the end of a roto-rooter and it’s going up you suddenly you’re your own Discovery Channel special slowly we are going up robbins : this must be what you see slowly up ahead a burger he had an 85 oh my god that’s a fart mr. Williams don’t be afraid and then to go further up your ass they blow air now you’re a party favor Oh doc give it to me can know you can take down a man give me hundred twenty psi well you feel like a pinata is a little Mexican kids again come on go get the peasants get the presents and I know the airs coming this way the farts are going King come on it’s not no finger it’s the main test for man you should wait for my command prepare to make the wet sloppy noise because the moment they call that tube out of your ass you are an Evinrude rolling 40 miles glowing how are you put on your pants and you float like a balloon spinnaker in America’s Cup coming about Jimmy please yah and then you realize oh shit fare no take my boy and we’re not gonna drop here thank you doctor see you next week oh the elevator seven flights of stairs everybody you press you’re going it’s me dogs looking like rollover man your dad just magical give me climbing go on cuz that’s what you are you’re psyching us all your first can they make a drug to help you through all that to keep all of your organs intact to your golden years now can I make a drug to give you mental clarity to your golden time no I got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra I don’t need the Walker I see that and your grandmother’s going oh shit I know the war was over God give you a tetanus shot if you’re gonna stick me with that rusty thing get away died on viagra after the open coffin you know walk in there going oh dear God I don’t remember feet being like that kids go get some more shoes here what I wanted it that way and it’s amazing too because you stuff to that to get for some strange Chinese aphrodisiac like hummingbird eyelash and rhino horn to give you great masculinity but now I’m back you are back you are Franken you are the inseminate you are ready to go you’re gonna be going from one hour and a half and a lot of guys are going here a lot of women are going cuz that’s for the first hour your wife’s going yay oh hey listen I got shit to do oh I’ll be late tonight viagra we’ll try it then oh go outside with that thing God and you can’t go outside of the horn to the cactus way to go and your dog’s going whoa you do yeah can’t go to work like a bob behind Peter are you done yeah I’m happy to be here today drink traffic no you can’t be shit it’s to make it go in your punch me clowns ha I’m not going anywhere and in the old days but not all laughter now or not you’ve got more semen than the fifth fleet so when you go it’s like and your wife goes now you know how it feels well oh my god I’m like the lawn boy get out save yourselves nothing drapes to it I own that I own that no but you run on us a minute Josh was gone which toga direction geez give me bug give me your bananas Louie oh you do everything or gasping don’t look at it what even think about.
It and then realize you gotta give you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time you have lost thoughts from your childhood and then you hear these words from your lady you can’t be serious look at me I’m goo boy what are you doing no that’s right corty it’s time to saddle up we’re heading south of the you gotta please missing I have one question for the ladies do we look like you know I know.